Its Saturday in South Carolina, Welcome to Williams Brice

So that’s that, right?  At this point, everyone is in one of two camps:  You are either 1) with the HBC and against all things Morris, or 2) you subscribe to The State, or support its advertisers, or click on a link to an online State article, or even walk past any State newspaper stand without immediately doing this (ITS A JOKE, SON).

No, let me retreat from the realm of rhetoric and hyperbole, and instead get back to solid, concrete facts, devoid of emotion.  Let me state one irrefutable truth we can all agree on:

To Hell with Ron Morris.

There, now that’s outta the way.  Let’s talk about someone we aren’t so happy to dismiss:

Stephen Freaking Achilles Garcia.

I’m gonna miss him.  I hate that his solid career ended this way.  I’m gonna miss his resilience, his tenacity, his unflinching courage on the football field.  I’m gonna miss those occasional flashes of gridiron brilliance, and I’ll even miss (a little) those other flashes of football idiocy.

He reminded me of me in that he could screw up a sunny day sometimes.  I think he reminded us of all of us.  He was the itch you couldn’t scratch, the dream you couldn’t reach.  Our collective but not-as-of-yet-consummated wholeness incarnate.

A lot of weak-limbed pundits will now take to the airwaves, the interwebs, and the water coolers to sing deviant songs of  bitter joy about his demise.

Don’t join in with that cranky chorus.

Instead wish the best for ol’ #5.  Wish him the best, and have a sincere hope that his future includes many more days where he is as bright as the sun.  More days, on other types of fields perhaps, where he is like this:

To Stephen: Thanks for everything.  Most of us recognize that all your supposed foibles were just regular college guy nonsense, but you insisted on being a regular college guy while playing on the biggest stage in amateur athletics, SEC football.  No surprise it didn’t work out well in the end, is it?

Regardless, now that its all over, get straightened out, and go give ’em hell in whatever you do.

A critical stretch of games begins in Starkville this week, but on paper it doesn’t appear to be quite as daunting as it did in late August. The schedule includes:

• @ Mississippi State – a team with quarterback problems similar to ours, the Bulldogs have failed to capitalize on the momentum they carried into last offseason. An 0-3 start in conference has dashed their hopes of a big season, and the Dan Mullen to (insert school name here) chatter has cooled considerably. Chris Relf will probably get the start, and could potentially give us fits as a runner, but his leash will be very short. We’ll see Tyler Russell, and maybe even Dylan Fahhhhhv-ruh.
• Bye week – Sweet, I can spend the whole weekend pulling against the teams I despise most. (I’m looking at you, Idaho State.)
• @ Tennessee – another team not living up to expectations, and will probably continue to not live up to expectations since Tyler Bray is out 4-6 weeks. That said, Neyland has been a house of horrors for us over the years, and not just because we usually play there around Halloween. 
• @ Arkansas – gulp. The ‘Hogs seemingly found themselves at halftime of the Texas A&M game. Can we win? Sure. But we’ll have to play an almost perfect game.
• Florida – The Gators got off to a hot start, including a convincing win over the Vols, but proved they are not ready for prime time against Alabama and LSU. With or without John Brantley under center for them, we absolutely have to win this game.
• The Citadel – Announced attendance – 75,000. Actual attendance – 53,714.
• Clemson – I’m halfway hoping CTU comes into this game undefeated so we can completely ruin it for them. But my blood pressure will be much lower if they lose before they come to Columbia.

Some other tusings:

BREAKING. As I type this Steve Spurrier’s weekly press conference is going on, and he has refused to speak to the media as long as Ron Morris is in the room. Says he is disassociating himself from Morris for continuing to write that he “poached” Bruce Ellington from the basketball team. A) Ron Morris has a right to write whatever he wants, and The State has a right to publish it. B) Steve Spurrier has a right to not speak to Ron Morris. In any setting. Ever.

Some people are already saying Spurrier handled it wrong and is being childish. Let’s get one thing straight – Spurrier is one stubborn, vindictive bastard that you should not cross.  And as Gamecock fans we should love him for it. (And a warning, none of the press will react kindly to this, so don’t expect it.)

Speaking of pansy-ass reporters. Andrew Miller wishes Spurrier would say something nice about the Gamecocks. Oh, boo hoooooooo. He once again longs to be the beat reporter for CTU where Captain Sunshine is the head coach.

Pat Dye thinks we suck. Well, that’s nice Pat, you are certainly entitled to your opinion. But at this point in your life I’d trust your opinion on brown liquor much more readily than your opinion on football.

Memphis AD says they “deserve” to be in the SEC. YES! And then all we have to do is add UT-Chattanooga, Norfolk State and Samford and we’ll have the first 16-team super conference!

Chris Rainey Delusion of the Week Award. And this week’s winner is…Chris Rainey! Yes, you are definitely better than the two teams that beat you by a combined score of 79-21. How can anyone even question it? #delusional

And here’s a link to our Sunday podcast. Don’t make me remind you again!

The Gamecocks have brought virtually nothing to the table in football. They are the SEC family’s embarrassing cousin.

– Billy Reed, UK beatwriter for the Lexington Herald Leader from October, 1999

That’s right, Billy – Gamecocks NEVER forget.

After Saturday’s absolutely pitiable performance by the Kentucky football team, and the painfully unwatchable press conference from UK Head Coach in Waiting Joker Phillips, we decided to offer (as a public service, mind you) our hurting Wildcat brethren the following list of the 54 things WORSE than Kentucky football.  Hope this makes y’all feel better:

1.  Whitney (Thursday nights on NBC)

2.  Waiting in line at the DMV

3.  Dune (the movie, not the book, which is marginally better than UK football)

4.  We Built This City by Jefferson Starship

5.  Rat poop – at least it can serve as a fertilizer

6.  Solyndra’s business prospects

7.  Temporary boycotts of Red Lobster’s Cheesy Biscuits

8.  Talking to a CTU fan for more than 10 seconds

9.  Smelling a CTU fan

10.  Accidentally walking into a Dollar General and recognizing that #9 and #8 are inevitably about to happen to you.

11.  Basketball Season – we left the ACC for a reason

12.  The Washington Generals

13.  The New Jersey Reds

14.  The Boston Shamrocks

15.  That other team the Globetrotters always played – the Rockets?

16.  Old MNF commentary by Dennis Miller

17.  Zombie Nation

18. Constant Whitney promos (Thursday nights on NBC)

19.  The actress (I think her name is actually Whitney) that plays Whitney (Thursday nights on NBC)

20.  The realization that Randall Cobb can no longer bail you out

21.  Green Peas

22. Leftover Green Peas

23.  Realizing some idiot put pickles in the chicken salad

24.  The spot behind the toilet in your kids bathroom – you know where the smell comes from.  You’ve never cleaned back there, have you?

25.  Anything with Regis

26.  Your mother-in-law’s underwear

27.  Your father-in-law’s underwear

28.  Event invitations with the phrase “Reception to follow in the Fellowship Hall”

29.  Women under 50 who talk about quilting

30. Dabo’s postgame enthusiasm

31.  That point in the season when all the flourescent orange comes out of mothballs and every redneck you meet is convinced the 1 glory year of CTU football is back.  That point is now, and is only bearable because the inevitable faceplant is right on nigh.

32.   Any given Jersey Shore cast member

33.  Southern accents by non-southern actors/actresses.  Seriously, dumb it down a little and realize we don’t talk like we’re in a Tennessee Williams play.

34.  NASCAR – as much as it pains me to say this, NASCAR is now even worse than UK football.

35.  Being trapped in a car with Buck and realizing you can’t roll the windows down.

36.  Sheet cakes from the deli/bakery at any given grocery store

37.  The demise of the Flip Camera

38.  The death of Clarence Clemmons, and the accompanying end of the E Street Band as we knew it.

39.  Realizing your Tivo has grabbed all three episodes of Whitney (Thursday nights on NBC) because it thinks you will like them.  I thought you knew me, little cartoon TV dude – I thought you knew me.

40.  “Call your mother.”

41.  Still 13 more to go.  Man, 54 is an atrociously high number. What if UK gave up that many points to SC in a foo . . . wait.

42.  The atmosphere around Commonwealth Stadium on fall Saturdays.

43.  Vandy Football (actually, this might be false, but I’m not wasting pay-per-view dollars on November 12th to find out).

44.  Crocs.  Seriously, my dentist now wears crocs IN THE OFFICE.  This is a disturbing trend.

45.  That guy at work who has the false teeth and drinks coffee all day and then leans in to tell you that highly offensive and dated  joke (this one also may be false, because at least that guy is gonna retire in a year or two, but we are stuck with UK football in the SEC FOREVER).

46.  Realizing that you’ve already played UK, but your primary divisional competitor has not.

47.  Chris Cosh.  Don’t ask.

48.  “Tonight’s special guest . . . Bette Midler!”

49.  David Lynch’s early work

50.  M. Night Shyamalan’s recent work

51.  Tim Tebow references whenever a QB runs with the ball, throws a jump ball, or prays.

52.  Cam Newton’s supposed amateur status in 2010.

53.  The way your wife reacts whenever Ryan Gosling appears on TV.  Seriously, this is what is considered sexy now?  I give up.

54.  Nothing.   I admit it, Nothing is more putrid than Kentucky football.

Buck, Gman and Tbone review the shellacking of Kentucky on TRC Unleashed – Episode 9, and discuss things like:

• The performance of Connor Shaw 2.0.
• How the offense went from so bad last week to so good yesterday.
• The playcalling of the HBC.
• Another dominating performance by Ellis Johnson’s defense.
• How the SEC East race is shaping up.

Join us, won’t you?