Question:  How many CTU players does it take to operate an elevator?

Answer:  More than twelve.

Question:  How many Offensive Coordinators does it take for Vandy to win a conference game?

Answer:  More than three.

Question:  How many years has it been since the Baylor Bears were ranked in the top 25 went to a bowl game?

Answer: More than sixteen.

Question:  What needs to happen for the Kentucky Wildcats to win the SEC East (Cheesy Biscuits not accepted as an answer)?

Answer:   South Carolina loses to Tennessee and Arkansas AND Georgia loses to Florida and Auburn, AND Florida loses to South Carolina and Vanderbilt.  Oh, AND Kentucky has to win out.  Oh, AND Hell has to freeze over.

Question:  What was so hard about getting out of that two floor elevator in Clemson, SC?

Answer: Confusing Control Panel

Buck says:  USC 23, Vandy 10.  People were so worried about the post-victory hangover last week.  I’m more worried about the post-crushing defeat hangover this week.  I expect the Gamecocks to be ornery and sluggish throughout this one.  Thank goodness Vandy’s offense stinks, because if not we would be in trouble in this one.  Our defensive backfield needs a confidence boost, and i think they’ll get it, albeit against the worst passing offense in the conference.  That said, Vandy is not nearly as bad as their showing in Athens last week, and we’ll struggle, but ultimately pull out the W.  Bonus:  If Lattimore is indeed dressed out and ready to play, expect him to get no fewer than 15 carries.

Tbone says: USC 38, Vandy 7.  Someone’s gotta pay for last week, and sorry ‘dores, its you.  Kenny Miles will get into an early groove, and run for over 100 yards, because The State is running out of contrived controversies to ‘report’ on.  Garcia will throw a pick early, and look for Vandy to get a trash TD as Auguste, Culliver, Gilmore, and Swearinger all decide to cover the same guy at least once.  BONUS PREDICTION:  Kentucky gets destroyed by the Pups (it took every single one of the Fates converging in the Wildcats favor last week, no way they get that many Greek demigods’ thumbs on the scales again). BONUS BONUS PREDICTION: LSU squeaks out a win over Auburn (The Hat obviously has a pact with the Devil).  BONUS BONUS BONUS PREDICTION:  Florida will not find a way to lose this weekend.  I know they don’t play, but still.

As a public service to those of you struggling with the series of tubes that is the internet, we occasionally offer explanations for viral internet phenomena.

This week, we will look at the Venn Diagram Meme

Venn diagrams are graphic representations of relationships between sets of data.  Put another way, a Venn diagram shows you a picture of how two or more groups of things are related. 

Multiple uses in statistics, education, science, etc., and also now an internet phenomenon.

The meme associated with Venn diagrams usually involves a humorous twist or cynically profound point in the apparent association of the data sets.

An example:

Dear Gamecocks,

I gotta say, you really got me this time. I was hook, line and sinker my friends.

Yeah, we had a positive start to the season. The wins over Southern Miss and Georgia were all right I guess. Beating Georgia any time at anything is a positive. Then there was that stinking Furman game. And it stunk, trust me. That “here we go again” feeling was back, but at least we escaped with a win.

Auburn was a pretty good game, I’ll hand it to you. No moral victories, but you guys played well in a hostile environment against what has turned out to be a pretty good team. There were some classic Gamecock mistakes thrown in there at the end, of course. But that game left no reason to get terribly optimistic, right?

Yep, the season was cruising along at a very USC-like pace. We’d lose to Alabama, then string together a few wins and cross our fingers heading into the final stretch.

But then came Alabama. Whoa, man, that was a doozy. I mean, you guys beat the defending national champs SOUNDLY. I have to admit, I bought in. Bought in hard. Even with all my experience with you guys, I was there. Seriously. I even wrote about “limitless possibilities” or some tripe like that.

You were the media darlings. Spurrier was back. Garcia had matured into a real, live quarterback. Lattimore and Jeffery on the same team? Just not fair. Sure, the defense gave up a few passing yards, so what? That’s part of the price you pay stopping guys like Ingram and Richardson.

I looked down the schedule – Kentucky, win. Vandy, win. Tennessee, win. Arky, win Florida, win the SEC East. Troy…seriously? Clemson, win. Whoa. Not only are we in the SEC Championship Game, we’re in the discussion for…

No, no, I didn’t get quite that far. But I could see it from where I was standing.

Sure, I heard all the talk about a letdown against Kentucky. I even cautioned against it myself when talking to all the folks patting my back over the ‘Bama game. But deep down I was having none of it. “This team is SO different,” I thought.

You guys even kept the ruse going in the first half against the ‘Cats. Not to play ifs and buts, but take away those three turnovers and you guys are up, what, 35-0? 42-0? I was OK with an 18-point cushion, though, so I forgave the mistakes. No way you guys could blow that lead.

Then came the punk. A real second half Chernobyl. I went from laid back on the couch, to sitting up, to edge of my seat, to standing, to outright larynx-busting yelling at the TV. And the coup de gras? You give up the go-ahead TD…drive to their 20-yard line with 11 seconds to go…call your final timeout with the clock stopped…then throw a pick?

Bravo, Gamecocks, BRA-VO.

So, Gamecocks, here is my point – I’m done with you. I’m done watching you, reading about you, writing about you, following you. I’ve had it. I’m tired of losing sleep when you lose. I’m tired of being in a foul mood for days after a loss. I’m tired of being a jerk while suffering through your games.

I’m going to spend more time with my family. I’m going to get to work on that bathroom remodel my wife and I have been talking about. Maybe go fishing or play a little golf. I’m going to sell that 50-inch TV (which I bought for you, by the way), because I’m done.

D-O-N-E…

Sigh…

OK, so see you Saturday night? Seven o’clock, right?

a season of

hope

is well under

way

but our soft zone

coverage

leaves me wanting

to drive nails through my eyelids

Oh my God

how could we leave 18 so open

and whats the freaking

deal

with the clock management at the end

OHGODITHURTSWHYDOYOUTORTUREMESO

[ahem]

if one more ctu

fan

makes another stupid

OHGODONEJUSTDIDWHYDOIEVENFOLLOWCOLLEGEBALL

[cough]

so as i

contemplate

the now critical

vandy game

OHWHOAREWEKIDDINGSHOULDIJUSTBUYPJBTICKETSAGAIN?

/collapses on laura ashley print divan

Be advised: subject Cobb had Cheesy Biscuits as recently as Thursday night.  Original Source Doc follows: