I didn’t expect bulletin board material to start rolling in for 2011 this early, but two opinion pieces in one day from the Atlanta Journal Constitution show just how far South Carolina has to go to gain the respect of at least one media outlet.

First, Tony Barnhart predicts Florida will win the East next year.  He doesn’t directly diss the Gamecocks, but his is a sin of omission.  A sampling:

How ready is Muschamp? Well, here’s the first prediction for the 2011 season: Florida will win the SEC East championship. The problem at Florida last season was not talent. It was a lack of focus and a lack of leadership. The team was not focused because too many leaders had left and there was never a coherent offensive strategy. Muschamp can fix the leadership issue and if he hires a top-flight offensive coordinator the other problem can be fixed as well.

So, “Muschamp (first head coaching job) can fix the leadership issue” that Urban Meyer (two BCS National Championships) could not.  This prediction also hinges on the hiring of “a top-flight offensive coordinator.”  Like Major Applewhite?  Meanwhile, South Carolina returns its deepest and most talented team of the Steve Spurrier era in 2011.  Makes perfect sense to me.

Mark Bradley then chimes in with a piece that is more an indictment of/challenge to Mark Richt and Georgia, but he manages to poo-poo the accomplishments of this year’s Eastern Division champs:

South Carolina, which won the East for the first time ever, is demonstrably not unbeatable — it lost the SEC championship by 39 points — and must play in Athens next season.

He goes on:

South Carolina filled the gap this fall, but even in a breakthrough season the Gamecocks didn’t bear the look of a colossus. They lost three regular-season games and nearly threw away the division title. They’ll be good again — Marcus Lattimore and Alshon Jeffery return — but probably not great.

Let’s start with “nearly threw away the division title”.  That’s an odd description for dismantling Florida in The Swamp when everyone on the planet knew what was at stake.

And yes, we fell completely apart in the second half of the SECCG, there’s no other way to put it.  But look at the entire body of work and then judge.  The only other game all year we weren’t competitive was Arkansas.  (I will not play the “meaningless game” card there, because there is no such thing in the SEC.)

And the fact we “must play in Athens next year”?  I’m sure our guys will be shaking in their boots.

The more the Gamecocks win, the more the respect we’ll get, I’m sure.

How we infuse the experts with common sense, however, will apparently be more difficult.

The Missing Bash Brother – I saw only a few excerpts from the Chris Fowler interview with Cameron Newton last night, but one part in particular struck me.  Fowler asked him about the reports that he said “the money was too much” at Auburn, and Newton responded with “I’m not here to talk about reports…blah, blah.”  Then what in blue blazes are you there to talk about?  Your complete awesomeness?  How you unconditionally love your slimeball dad who almost cost you your college career with his greed?  The answer immediately struck me as Mark McGuire-esque.  We all know how that turned out.

Gus Malzahn, Your Ship Is Here – So the reports are Vanderbilt University wants to

Worth only half as much as Steve Austin, but still…

pay Gus Malzahn three MEEEEEEELION dollars to be their head football coach.  Let’s break this down – the school with less than zero football tradition and no athletic department wants to pay $3mm to a guy whose resume reads:  Springdale High head coach, Arkansas assistant, Tulsa assistant, Auburn assistant.   I don’t see “head coach” next to any colleges in that list.  Hey, the guy has done a heckuva job at Auburn and probably deserves a shot as a head coach.  But mercy, Vandy, three million bucks should be reserved for guys with names like Saban.  Or Buck.  (I mean, I am available.)

In non-Auburn Related News – “Quitter” is about the worst name anyone in athletics can be called.  Urban Meyer can be forgiven for last year’s flirtation with retirement because of health issues.  But calling it quits on UF the second year in a row indicates a problematic pattern.  If I’m a university president or AD I think long and hard before hiring this guy.

Ryan Broyles, Really? – Marcus Lattimore and Alshon Jeffery are racking up the post-season awards.  But this morning I saw that Jeffery only made SECOND team A-A on the Walter Camp Foundation team.  How dare them! (Insert appropriate amount of righteous indignation.)  Justin Blackmon deserves his spot as he’s probably the best WR in the country this year.  But Ryan Broyles?  He has impressive numbers, but Alshon is the better player hands down. 

Is it Just Me? – To my great surprise, I’m pretty much over our beatdown from last week’s SECCG.  Normally a 56-17 loss would keep me in a funk for the better part of a decade.  But for some reason I’ve pretty much put this one out of my head  and am looking forward to the Chick-fil-a Bowl and 2011.  Judging by the brisk sales of CFA Bowl tickets, it looks like a lot of you feel the same way.

And now, instant analysis from the Georgia Dome.

Everything before kickoff:  Didn’t suck.

Everything after kickoff:  Sucked

That is all.  We will attempt to stir up optimism at a later date.  Much later.

It’s been a while since I’ve filed a Comeuppance Report.  Maybe I’ve been uninspired.  Maybe I’ve been devoid of bad feelings because of our spectacular season.  Maybe I’m just plain lazy (ding, ding, ding!).  In any case, the inspiration hit me today, so here’s a list of who I’m pulling against this week:

Cam “LOOK AT ME I’M CAM!!!” Newton – put me on the hater wagon if you will, but I am plum tired of this dude.  Yes, he’s a supremely talented college quarterback with a hundred-and-eighty thousand dollar million dollar  smile, and according to Auburn folk is a heckuva nice guy.  But his antics were out of hand about right around week four.  The arm flapping.  The kiss blowing.  The dancing.  The picture posing.  The smiling.  Yes, I said it, the smiling.  Don’t confuse joy for the game with nuclear-grade vanity.

Verne Lundquist Haters – on the flip side of the hater wagon, back off of Verne.  He’s in the twilight of a great career, and certainly makes his share of blunders, but his voice is synonymous with the premiere SEC football games each week.  Certain voices evoke great memories for me – Jim Thacker and Billy Packer doing ACC hoops, Skip Carey and Pete Van Wieren doing Braves baseball, Keith Jackson doing football for ABC.  And now, at least for me, Verne IS Saturdays at 3:30.

The Outback Bowl (if we lose Saturday, which we won’t, and is an outrageous assertion but we must consider the possibilities) – before you start yelling at me, hear me out.  I like the Outback Bowl, I really do.  It’s a nice, above average bowl game on New Year’s Day, and beats the heck out of Birmingham.  We’ve had a nice run with those guys, but let’s be honest, the Outback Bowl and the University of South Carolina need a break from each other.  The first alternative is the Capital One Bowl, which I could certainly live with, but in reality is just the older, slightly better looking sister of the Outback Bowl.  The other alternative is the Chick-Fil-A Bowl, which I highly endorse.  Having been to a half dozen Chick-fil-a Bowls, two Chick-fil-a kickoffs, and two SEC Championship games, I can tell you that the Georgia Dome is, surprisingly, a freakishly good venue for a college football game.  The games are always packed, always loud, and always entertaining.  I get the “we don’t want to go there twice in month argument”, but in reality how many people are going to the SECCG?  Tickets are not readily available, and if they are they’re ridiculously expensive.  The Chick-fil-a Bowl would provide the next best thing to the SECCG, a relatively short drive for most, reasonable ticket prices, and a great New Year’s Eve experience.  What’s not to like?

Pollsters – We hammer three bowl teams in a row, and don’t make a move in the polls?  Granted, Florida is not Florida, Troy is Troy, and Clemson is sucks (sorry, using a truth keyboard).  But very few “experts” gave us a shot against the Gators, and the prognostications I saw for last week’s game against CTU were 50-50 at best.  Does the fact that we spanked them mean they suck worse than first thought?  How about a little credit.  Plus, how many times have we gone in against mediocre teams (see: Clemson, every year) and laid an egg?

Southern Cal – Lane Kiffin cannot lose enough.

The People Sitting in Front of Me Saturday at the Georgia Dome – I’m fortunate to have seats in the lower bowl on Saturday, but aside from that I think they may be bad seats.  So it would help me if the people with the tickets in front of me got really drunk at Dantanna’s before the game and decided to watch it at the bar to provide me a better sight line to the field.  Thank you for your consideration.

And last but not least:

AUBURN UNIVERSITY – The bubble bursts on Saturday, War Tigers.

Go Cocks!

But he doesn’t know the Carolina-Clemson rivalry.  Here is his prediction for our game:

7.  South Carolina at Clemson: South Carolina is not going to overextend itself because the SEC championship game with Auburn is coming up next week. Marcus Lattimore gets the ball less than 10 times and the game is close. South Carolina 17, Clemson 10.

I have no problem with the final outcome, of course, but “South Carolina is not going to overextend itself”?  Lattimore gets it less than 10 times?

Puh-leeeeze.  Time to start paying a little more attention Tony.   

Since this is Thanksgiving week, and we are heading into two of the biggest weeks in the history of South Carolina football, I came up with a list of a few things for which I am thankful:

THIS football season - Carolina is 8-3 and heading to the SEC Championship Game, having beaten Georgia, #1-ranked Alabama, and Florida in the Swamp with the division on the line.  I can’t help but think things are either about to go papajohns.com Bowl bad or the Apocalypse will occur on December 4 just as Marcus Lattimore is crossing the goal line for the winning touchdown against Auburn.  (Hi, my name is Buck, and I’m a South Carolina fan.)

#1 and #21 - Tell me, when have we EVER had two skill guys of this caliber on the same team?  Spare yourself from cracking open the media guides, the answer is never.  Both of these guys will be first team all-SEC.  Jeffery should be first team All-American, and Lattimore could sneak onto some third teams with a strong finish.  The good news?  You already know what the good news is.  But if not, check out the preseason magazines next year and you’ll figure it out.

Offensive and defensive lines - Look, I’m not one of these guys who can tell you how each O-lineman graded out after the game.  All I know is Garcia has time to throw and Lattimore has room to run.  On the other side, our guys are stuffing the run and are one of the national leaders in sacks.  Is there room for improvement?  No question.  But gone are the days when we can’t compete because we don’t have SEC-caliber linemen.

Stephen Garcia - Four years ago I would’ve bet against him ever taking a snap at South Carolina.  Now, after three tumultuous, roller coaster years where he has been beaten up and beaten down, I can say I’m glad #5 is leading this team into battle each week.  He’s still going to make a boneheaded play or two on occasion, but he’s also going to stand tall in the pocket and make some good decisions and some good throws.  (Go back to the third quarter of the ‘Bama game after they had cut the lead to 7, and his third down completion to Tori Gurley with Marcel Dareus about to drive him into the ground.  THAT is the guy I want under center.)

Steve Spurrier - The guy has succeeded in making me a believer, an unbeliever, and then a believer again.  Thanks coach. 

Connections - A ticket to the SEC Coaches Luncheon?  Check.  Two tickets to the SEC Championship Game?  Check.  Tickets to the Chick-fil-a Bowl if we happen to get the invite?  Check.  It’s good to be me.  (Disclaimer: actually I just have one connection, but to protect my identity, I am unable to reveal his or her name.) 

High expectations - I have had thoughts of 2011, so sue me.  As a fan I have the luxury of not having to take it “one game at a time”.  So I’m thankful that I’ll get to poke my chest out next summer as all the pundits pick us to win the East again.  I’m thankful that when someone asks me about the 2011 season I won’t have to say “welllll, mayyyybeeee, if some breaks go our way…seven, eight wins?”  No sir, the sky is the limit.  And if it doesn’t work out, so be it.  But I’m going to enjoy the ride. 

And be thankful for it.

Aw, who am I kidding, we’ll be back.  We have to come back to our crappy jobs so we can occasionally take short vacations to beautiful places.

But as an FYI to our loyal readers (thanks Mom and Uncle Frank!) The Rubber Chickens will begin our semi-annual fishing trip off the beautiful South Carolina coast tomorrow.  So the next time you hear from us blog-wise, we’ll either be SEC East Champs or Music City Bowl front runners.

Continue to follow us on Twitter, as I’m sure there will be some drunken rants as long as we can get a cell signal.

And good luck Gamecocks as we play the most important game in our history!

(T-bone edit:  No, that’s not true.  Please don’t listen to Buck when he writes.  Please, please ignore him.  Actually, if you see him on the street, take a tire iron to his leg, just below the kneecap, you know, the real boney part.)

Buck says:  USC 23, Vandy 10.  People were so worried about the post-victory hangover last week.  I’m more worried about the post-crushing defeat hangover this week.  I expect the Gamecocks to be ornery and sluggish throughout this one.  Thank goodness Vandy’s offense stinks, because if not we would be in trouble in this one.  Our defensive backfield needs a confidence boost, and i think they’ll get it, albeit against the worst passing offense in the conference.  That said, Vandy is not nearly as bad as their showing in Athens last week, and we’ll struggle, but ultimately pull out the W.  Bonus:  If Lattimore is indeed dressed out and ready to play, expect him to get no fewer than 15 carries.

Tbone says: USC 38, Vandy 7.  Someone’s gotta pay for last week, and sorry ‘dores, its you.  Kenny Miles will get into an early groove, and run for over 100 yards, because The State is running out of contrived controversies to ‘report’ on.  Garcia will throw a pick early, and look for Vandy to get a trash TD as Auguste, Culliver, Gilmore, and Swearinger all decide to cover the same guy at least once.  BONUS PREDICTION:  Kentucky gets destroyed by the Pups (it took every single one of the Fates converging in the Wildcats favor last week, no way they get that many Greek demigods’ thumbs on the scales again). BONUS BONUS PREDICTION: LSU squeaks out a win over Auburn (The Hat obviously has a pact with the Devil).  BONUS BONUS BONUS PREDICTION:  Florida will not find a way to lose this weekend.  I know they don’t play, but still.

Dear Gamecocks,

I gotta say, you really got me this time. I was hook, line and sinker my friends.

Yeah, we had a positive start to the season. The wins over Southern Miss and Georgia were all right I guess. Beating Georgia any time at anything is a positive. Then there was that stinking Furman game. And it stunk, trust me. That “here we go again” feeling was back, but at least we escaped with a win.

Auburn was a pretty good game, I’ll hand it to you. No moral victories, but you guys played well in a hostile environment against what has turned out to be a pretty good team. There were some classic Gamecock mistakes thrown in there at the end, of course. But that game left no reason to get terribly optimistic, right?

Yep, the season was cruising along at a very USC-like pace. We’d lose to Alabama, then string together a few wins and cross our fingers heading into the final stretch.

But then came Alabama. Whoa, man, that was a doozy. I mean, you guys beat the defending national champs SOUNDLY. I have to admit, I bought in. Bought in hard. Even with all my experience with you guys, I was there. Seriously. I even wrote about “limitless possibilities” or some tripe like that.

You were the media darlings. Spurrier was back. Garcia had matured into a real, live quarterback. Lattimore and Jeffery on the same team? Just not fair. Sure, the defense gave up a few passing yards, so what? That’s part of the price you pay stopping guys like Ingram and Richardson.

I looked down the schedule – Kentucky, win. Vandy, win. Tennessee, win. Arky, win Florida, win the SEC East. Troy…seriously? Clemson, win. Whoa. Not only are we in the SEC Championship Game, we’re in the discussion for…

No, no, I didn’t get quite that far. But I could see it from where I was standing.

Sure, I heard all the talk about a letdown against Kentucky. I even cautioned against it myself when talking to all the folks patting my back over the ‘Bama game. But deep down I was having none of it. “This team is SO different,” I thought.

You guys even kept the ruse going in the first half against the ‘Cats. Not to play ifs and buts, but take away those three turnovers and you guys are up, what, 35-0? 42-0? I was OK with an 18-point cushion, though, so I forgave the mistakes. No way you guys could blow that lead.

Then came the punk. A real second half Chernobyl. I went from laid back on the couch, to sitting up, to edge of my seat, to standing, to outright larynx-busting yelling at the TV. And the coup de gras? You give up the go-ahead TD…drive to their 20-yard line with 11 seconds to go…call your final timeout with the clock stopped…then throw a pick?

Bravo, Gamecocks, BRA-VO.

So, Gamecocks, here is my point – I’m done with you. I’m done watching you, reading about you, writing about you, following you. I’ve had it. I’m tired of losing sleep when you lose. I’m tired of being in a foul mood for days after a loss. I’m tired of being a jerk while suffering through your games.

I’m going to spend more time with my family. I’m going to get to work on that bathroom remodel my wife and I have been talking about. Maybe go fishing or play a little golf. I’m going to sell that 50-inch TV (which I bought for you, by the way), because I’m done.

D-O-N-E…

Sigh…

OK, so see you Saturday night? Seven o’clock, right?