The Comeuppance Report; or, Who I’m Pulling Against This Week

It’s been a while since I’ve filed a Comeuppance Report. Maybe I’ve been uninspired. Maybe I’ve been devoid of bad feelings because of our spectacular season. Maybe I’m just plain lazy (ding, ding, ding!). In any case, the inspiration hit me today, so here’s a list of who I’m pulling against this week:

Cam “LOOK AT ME I’M CAM!!!” Newton – put me on the hater wagon if you will, but I am plum tired of this dude. Yes, he’s a supremely talented college quarterback with a hundred-and-eighty thousand dollar million dollar smile, and according to Auburn folk is a heckuva nice guy. But his antics were out of hand about right around week four. The arm flapping. The kiss blowing. The dancing. The picture posing. The smiling. Yes, I said it, the smiling. Don’t confuse joy for the game with nuclear-grade vanity.

Verne Lundquist Haters – on the flip side of the hater wagon, back off of Verne. He’s in the twilight of a great career, and certainly makes his share of blunders, but his voice is synonymous with the premiere SEC football games each week. Certain voices evoke great memories for me – Jim Thacker and Billy Packer doing ACC hoops, Skip Carey and Pete Van Wieren doing Braves baseball, Keith Jackson doing football for ABC. And now, at least for me, Verne IS Saturdays at 3:30.

The Outback Bowl (if we lose Saturday, which we won’t, and is an outrageous assertion but we must consider the possibilities) – before you start yelling at me, hear me out. I like the Outback Bowl, I really do. It’s a nice, above average bowl game on New Year’s Day, and beats the heck out of Birmingham. We’ve had a nice run with those guys, but let’s be honest, the Outback Bowl and the University of South Carolina need a break from each other. The first alternative is the Capital One Bowl, which I could certainly live with, but in reality is just the older, slightly better looking sister of the Outback Bowl. The other alternative is the Chick-Fil-A Bowl, which I highly endorse. Having been to a half dozen Chick-fil-a Bowls, two Chick-fil-a kickoffs, and two SEC Championship games, I can tell you that the Georgia Dome is, surprisingly,a freakishly good venue for a college football game. The games are always packed, always loud, and always entertaining. I get the “we don’t want to go there twice in month argument”, but in reality how many people are going to the SECCG? Tickets are not readily available, and if they are they’re ridiculously expensive. The Chick-fil-a Bowl would provide the next best thing to the SECCG, a relatively short drive for most, reasonable ticket prices, and a great New Year’s Eve experience. What’s not to like?

Pollsters – We hammer three bowl teams in a row, and don’t make a move in the polls? Granted, Florida is not Florida, Troy is Troy, and Clemson is sucks (sorry, using a truth keyboard). But very few “experts” gave us a shot against the Gators, and the prognostications I saw for last week’s game against CTU were 50-50 at best. Does the fact that we spanked them mean they suck worse than first thought? How about a little credit. Plus, how many times have we gone in against mediocre teams (see: Clemson, every year) and laid an egg?

Southern CalLane Kiffin cannot lose enough.

The People Sitting in Front of Me Saturday at the Georgia Dome – I’m fortunate to have seats in the lower bowl on Saturday, but aside from that I think they may be bad seats. So it would help me if the people with the tickets in front of me got really drunk at Dantanna’s before the game and decided to watch it at the bar to provide me a better sight line to the field. Thank you for your consideration.

And last but not least:

AUBURN UNIVERSITY – The bubble bursts on Saturday, War Tigers.

Go Cocks!

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