Looks Real Good, Doesn’t It?
Author: Tbone
A Tigris Miscellany
Reports that WCCP’s Will Merritt took to the airwaves yesterday and opined that backup QB and latest CTU Savior Will Proctor Willy Korn Kyle Parker Taj Boyd “took over the game” in last week’s 29-7 beatdownof the Tigers sent those of us at TRC back to the game tape for verification. Witness our discoveries:
‘Ownage’ is obviously a malleable term, yet our understanding of the concept doesn’t involve negative rushing yards, multiple turnovers, and a goose egg in the points column. Â But to each his own, we always say.
Speaking of Tigers, the Auburn varietals are apparently in full bloom this time of the year. While they have a noxious odor following them, and promise to soon be pruned back significantly, they are still good for occasional displays of crass bravado and unintended irony. Witness this cringe-worthy moment:
We too are aghast, but not in the way you intended
Yes, gentle reader, that is erstwhile professional athlete, and son of a preacherman, Cameron Newton preening along side well-know hitman Nick Fairley in the wake of their improbable come-from-behind victory in the Iron Bowl.  The irony is, of course, that the rest of America has born similiar expressions of incredulity while reading about the exploits of these two players (the words “student-athletes” will not, in this context, make it past my editing software for some reason).
Finally, and only slightly related to the genus Panthera,but has anyone noticed the Person Effect?  You know the Person Effect, don’t you? Its the phenomenon whereby any sporting team covered by former gamecock beatwriter Joe Person suffers dismally through its season. He left the Gamecock beat shortly after drudging up the Whitney Hotel fiasco, and then moved on to cover the once-promising Carolina Panthers. You see where I’m heading with this one (the rooster crows and the sun comes up), but still YOU WERE WARNED CHARLOTTE, YOU WERE WARNED!
D.L. Moore Interrupts Your Train of Thought
Need to get down field and help cover the kick – wha?
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Coach Swinney says I’m as good as half the NFL punters – Wha!?!
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Lets see, she said bread, milk, and OH MY GOD!
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You know what I like? Soup. I really really like Soup -Oh Sweet Lord, That Hurts!
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Hey look at me, I’m running really fast, I bet I look like Alshon Jeff-THE PAIN!
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So I said, yes Coach, he does look cute in that unifo-SWEET FANCY MOSES!
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Derp, Derp, Derp, Derpity-Derp, ODIN’S BEARD!
Memorial Stadium’s Jumbotron Has A Message For The Clemson Offense
Clemson Tigers, Carolina Perspective – A Graphic Explanation
Big Thursday and My Clemson Cousin – a Proposal
So it’s Rivalry Week, and it’s got me thinking. I’m looking forward to the big game of course, and am hopeful for a Carolina victory. But I’m not looking forward to our family Thanksgiving meal this year, and for good reason.
You see, about half of my family are Clemson fans. I know, it’s shocking, but it sort of makes sense given the clan from which I hail. You see, my first cousin is currently in jail for (allegedly) shooting a guy, and I’ve got an uncle (by marriage) that died with a half-empty bottle of Thunderbird in his hand. Both big Clemson fans. And then I’ve got this other cousin. About my age. Never married. He wears orange and purple tee-shirts all the time (in the fall he dons matching sweatpants, in the spring he starts coupling the shirts with ragged blue jean shorts).
This guy is ruining my Thanksgiving, and it hasn’t even started yet.
As in years past, he will start in on the Clemson nonsense before the turkey is even carved. You know the stuff of which I speak; the totally one-sided, impervious to reason, excuse-riddled grandiose bull droppings that only come from the madly loyal, yet totally ignorant, fan. And while most of my relatives will try to focus the dinner conversation on family news (that one guy is in jail, for crying out loud) Tee-Shirt Boy will not be deterred. It’s all gonna end in a stupid argument, and it’s not good for family harmony or our collective digestion.
So I’d like to propose something: Let’s move the Clemson-Carolina game to a different date. Maybe one not associated with the forced-spending of time with educationally-challenged relatives. I know it’s been discussed in the past, Coach Spurrier even mentioned the idea of moving it to the first game of the year in his press conference the other day.
Put me down with the HBC on this one, but not necessarily at the first of the year. See, my family has a big end-of-summer cookout each year, and that would only move the Tee-Shirt Boy problem around on the calendar. Solves nothing, really.
I want to move the game back to Big Thursday.
For those of you not familiar with the term, Big Thursday was the date of the Clemson-Carolina game until 1959. It was the Thursday during the annual State Fair, and it brought the state’s biggest sporting event (sorry, Darlington) into the State’s biggest carnival, exposition,
and food fest. The problem was it was always a home game for the Gamecocks, so the Orange and Purple crowd brought pressure through the General Assembly and had the tradition abolished.
Now I’m not advocating that the game always be played in Cola-town again. No, that would only happen every other year. In those years where the game is being played in Clemson, we can all treat it just like we do now – as an educational and historical trip into the setting of the James Dickey novel, Deliverance.
But on those other years, those State Fair years, the game would take on a festival-like atmosphere, with fun for more than just football fans. A side benefit would be that the visiting Clemson faithful could enjoy tailgating fare of funnel cakes and turkey legs – trust me when I say this would be a HUGE upgrade from their usual meals.
But I keep thinking about the fair rides – those dangerous, rickety, operated by connoisseurs of methamphetamine, fair rides. Those things are death-traps, really. A fatal accident waiting to happen.
It’s those rides that have got me thinking: I’m pretty sure I could get Tee-shirt Boy to ride one.
TRC SEC Weekly Bowl Projections (now with more initials)
BCS Title Game: Boise State vs. Oregon - If the center of the college football world is the Southeastern United States, how in the #^&%$!*& could this happen? Oh, and if you are a betting man, take the OVER for combined points, whatever it is. And yes, I know this is not an SEC Bowl game, but it should be.
Allstate Sugar Bowl: Auburn vs. Ohio State – The idea of these two quarterbacks on the same field will be TV ratings gold – that is, if either of them are still eligible to play.
Capitol One Bowl: LSU vs. Michigan State - D’antonio and his heart troubles coupled with Miles and his brain troubles will be an interesting side story.
Cotton Bowl: Arkansas vs. Oklahoma – Can we get the Okies to keep the Arkies as pets after this one is over? Fair warning, Sooners, the ‘backs aren’t house trained.
Outback Bowl: Florida vs. Penn State – Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Don’t believe me? It’s actually a stretch that these two programs get this high.
Chick-fil-a Bowl: Anyone-But-South-Carolina-No-Matter-How-Much-We-Have-to-Torture-the-Logic (publically, the committee will simply say “Damn it, you mean we HAVE to take South Carolina”) vs. Florida State.
Gator Bowl: Mississippi State vs. Iowa – new style offense against old style offense. Oh, and also, cowbells versus cowbelles.
Music City Bowl: Georgia vs. Boston College – this is a matchup that once would have mattered, and maybe even happened in a Peach Bowl (memory fuzzy) once upon a time. Oh, and A.J. Green: you spurned the home state school for this? BWWAAAHHHAAA x infinity.
Liberty Bowl: Tennessee vs. Central Florida [or somebody, I’m not really sure which teams are in Conference USA - I do have a life, you know]. Still hoping that the zeitgeist catches on to my Derek-Dooley-is-Bob-Crane meme.
Birmingham Bowl: Kentucky vs Louisville - because the first time around was so compelling. What, it wasn’t? Who cares, suck it B-ham.
TRC – The Magazine
The Big Ten Gods Must Be Crazy
Witness the Wrigley Field endzone for the Northwestern/Illinois game:
The Rubber Chickens Blog 
