TRC Unleased – Episode 2

Be sure to tune in this Sunday at 6 p.m. for Episode 2 of the TRC Unleased podcast.  We’ll talk about the bombshell out of Miami this week, and get back into why T-bone and G-man are raging pessimists when it comes to South Carolina football.  You can listen to the podcast live, or taped, right here:

TRC Unleashed, Episode 2

If you have any questions for us or topics you’d like to hear us discuss on Sunday’s episode, enter them in the comments section.  Right now we only have about four minutes of material prepared, so any help you can give us would be great.

Things Readily Apparent (Wherein we say stuff you already knew)

Note to Buck, the second part of the title is meant to be ironic, OK?

While you probably already knew the following:

– Auburn faced South Carolina in the SEC Championship Game last December.  ESPN just learned this yesterday.

– Alshon Jeffrey is kind of a big fella.  EPSN just learned this yesterday.

– The University of Miami is a rogue institution with a cancerous athletic department.  ESPN  just learned this yesterday (the rest of the sports media knew for some time, apparently).

– CTU signs under-sized and over-hyped running backs of questionable intelligence and/or morals (oh and they have all the tenacious endurance of warm playdough.

– Danny Sheridan places bets on the Arbitron numbers for Paul Finebaum’s radio show, and when he’s guessed too high he will go to any length to correct his error.

– Nick Saban and the staff are incredible recruiters.  So much so that they are able to overcome competing recruiters armed with snake oil disguised as religion (cough, CTU, cough), bags-o-cash (cough, Auburn, cough), and prostitutes (I’m not even gonna cough: MIAMI), and despite image-killing weakness such as this:

– Blog posts that only link you to other stories elsewhere on the interwebs should be called “Daily Links of Interest” or “Today around the ‘Net” or something, and should never pretend otherwise.

The Truth About Doug Gottlieb and SEC Expansion

High atop the tallest building in Bristol, CT, Doug Gottlieb slowly and carefully enters the spacious penthouse office of ESPN President George W. Bodenheimer.

DG: You called for me, Lord Bodenheimer.

LB: Ah, yes, Doug. Come in young man.

Gottleib approaches, takes customary position on one knee.

Lord Bodenheimer

LB: Instead of the usual ring-kissing, do me a favor and lick my boot.

DG: Pardon, sir?

LB: My boot. Lick it. I spilled some hollandaise sauce on it during lunch and haven’t had the time to bend over and wipe it off.

DG licks boot.

LB: No, the other one. The one with the sauce.

DG licks other boot.

DG: Mmmm, tasty sir.

LB returns behind his desk to an oversized throne.

LB: Doug, do you know why I’ve called you here today?

DG: Van Pelt, sir? Has he relapsed?

LB: No, but an excellent guess. Doug, we have a problem, and we need the help of someone who is intelligent, edgy, strikingly handsome, and only has regard for himself and his titanic ego.

DG: Me, sir?

LB: No, Keith Olbermann. But seeing as he is three-quarters of the way up Al Gore’s Current-TV-loving ass, we had to pick someone else.

DG: I’m flattered sir.

LB: Don’t be. I took photos of all the on-air “talents” at ESPN and assembled them on a wall. I then threw a dart from thirty paces. And here you are.

DG: Excellent, sir.

LB: You see Doug, we have a problem, and we don’t like problems at ESPN.

DG: No sir that we do not [fidgets with collar].

LB: It’s Texas A&M, Doug.

DG [shakes fist at sky]: Damn you Aggies! What have they done now, sir?

LB: They’re threatening to leave the Big 12 for the SEC. And we are not amused. It flies in the face of our commitment to rule the northern hemisph…to be the worldwide leader in sports. Texas A&M to the SEC means renegotiated contracts, less revenue for us, cries for a playoff system, and more controversy surrounding the Longhorn network…

DG: Hook ‘em sir!

LB: Hook ‘em indeed, Doug.

DG: But sir, how do I fit into this?

LB: Doug, we want you to go on SportsCenter on Sunday morning, tell the listening audience that you have a “source” that says Texas A&M to the SEC is a done deal. Not only that, but you know for a fact that the SEC is now pursuing – successfully I might add – Florida State, Clemson, and Missouri to form the first 16-team super conference.

DG: I don’t understand sir.

LB: Of course you don’t Doug, you’re an imbecile.  But it will serve our purposes insofar that when some SEC member institutions hear this – namely South Carolina, Florida and Georgia – they will enact their Survivor-style pact…and Doug, people will call it that…to prevent any schools from their respective states from entering the conference. This will also cause them to get cold feet about the aforementioned Texas A&M Aggies, and VOILA! No super conference.

DG: Oh, yes sir, I see.  You are indeed all-knowing and wise. But, sir, [flinches] if I dare ask: Missouri, sir? Clemson?

LB: Darts, Doug. Thirty paces. Stay with me here.

DG: Yes, sir. But won’t I lose a ton of credibility over this? I have built a pretty decent reputation and on-air persona…

LB: Nooooo, Doug, no, no, no. . . wait, yes, of course you will. You will lose a tremendous amount of credibility. But as long as Scott Van Pelt has full access to Brett Favre’s Vicadin closet, you will always have a place as his primary back-up on his low-rated radio show.

DG: I don’t know sir, this is awfully risky for my career…

LB: Doug, I have two words for you – Chris Berman.

DG: [thunderstruck] Lord Bodenheimer, how could I ever doubt you. [begins slapping himself repeatedly] If you can keep that sweaty man-walrus on the air year after year, you deserve my trust and respect.  I’ll do it!

LB: Excelsior! Now get out of my office – oh, and stop hitting yourself, man . . . .after ten more minutes.

TRC Unleashed – Episode 1

Well, the first episode of TRC Unleashed is in the books, and you can listen to it here:

TRC Unleashed – Episode 1

If you can get past, uh, my, um, introduction, you’ll hear us talk about SEC expansion, expectations for the Gamecocks this football season, our talent level, and a couple of our newcomers.

Enjoy.

Th ESPN Expansion Conspiracy

Throughout the day yesterday the fine folks in Bristol, CT repeatedly reported that TAMU to the SEC was all but a done deal.  They also reported, ad nauseam, that Florida State, Clemson, and Missouri were also likely to join.  This later report flies in the face of specific denials from all three schools, and both of the targeted conferences.

I’d like to drop a little conspiracy theory on you this morning:

ESPN is trying to put its thumb on the scales of realignment.  They are either trying to:

a.  Jam the SEC with three member schools that will not increase the conferences media footprint, or

b.  Spook Georgia, Florida, and South Carolina into voting TAMU’s membership down by beating the CTU and FSU drum

Why would the network be motivated to do either of the above, you ask?

It’s all about the benjamins.  Expansion will cause the network to rework its billion dollar television contract with the SEC.  No expansion, or an anemic one, will save the network hundreds of millions of dollars.

Of course, I could be wrong.  I also think there are little green men in my toothpaste that are attacking my central nervous system, so . . .

The Skinny on SEC Expansion

The quiet murmurs have become a deafening roar among commentators: The Southeastern Conference is about to expand.

With Texas A&M all but announcing their switch outright, the questions now swirling in the zeitgeist have moved from the Aggies’ membership to some version or the other of “who’s next?”

Based on our extensive list (well, it’s more like a few phone numbers jotted down on a cocktail napkin) of well-connected sources (actually upon review this appears to be a drunken scrawl of a ceviche recipe) we offer the following Insider ™ guide to the potential SEC expansion candidates, in order of likelihood:

  1. Florida State – Let’s be honest, they’ve kinda been in the SEC all along, haven’t they? And their location in that southern Georgia part of eastern Alabama makes perfect geographic sense.  Oh and that FSU chick is pretty hot.
  2. Kentucky – they’ve been in the conference for basketball for decades, so it’s a natural fit for them join up as a football school as well, assuming that is, they actually have a football team.
  3. Notre Dame – They’ll have to join the rest of us in the 90s, er 2010s or whatever first, cause we don’t call our lady-folk “dames” around here.   But the gold helmets would look good on someone who knows how to play football (we are looking straight at you, Vandy).  Oh and the big ol’ Jesus statute looks like the one at Dollywood, so there’s that.
  4. Oregon State – but only if they can be Carolina’s permanent Western Division foe.  And if you have to ask why, then I don’t know what to tell you.
  5. Carla Gugino – her name doesn’t really fit, I’ll grant you, but she’s built for a physical style of football.  Fast, too.
  6. Miami – Auburn needs a travel partner to and from the detention center.  Miami will totally hold your weed for you, Tigs, and has ZERO problem with carrying around loads of cash.
  7. Oregon and Virginia Tech together –throw Carolina in there and you have the legendary culinary treat, the turduckin.
  8. Missouri – not really, that would be stupid, but everyone keeps mentioning them for some reason.
  9. Oklahoma – Hot weather?  Check. Traditional Unis? Check.  Willingness to blatantly cheat?  Check.  Oh and Stoopsie wears a visor.
  10. Ohio State – wait that’s a bad idea, since they have an even worse record against the SEC than Southern Miss, Troy, or Memphis.
  11. Texas Tech.  Just to get Tommy Turberville back in the conference.  Stupid onside kick in the third quarter, dang it.  #jugears
  12. TCU – Is there a mascot more tailor-made for the SEC than a daggum frog?  Added bonus here is that it would really piss off those losers in the Big East.  Oh, we would need to educate the LSU fans that the Superfrog is not actual food.
  13. The British chick from Captain America – but only if Gugino turns us down first.
  14. Memphis – NOT! (HA, I TROLLZ YOU, BLUE TIGERS!)
  15. North Carolina State – hear me out on this one.  Yes they suck at everything.  But “The Wolfpack” is the batcrap coolest mascot out there.  I wish WE were the Wolfpack, for crying out loud. It would also annoy the Tarheels, which is all we’ve been trying to do since the 1970s around here, so . . .
  16. Furman University –  For personal reasons.  Move along, gentle reader.
  17. Louisville – Someone in the Bluegrass State needs to represent on the gridiron, right? Plus they have a bird mascot, which appeals to me for some reason.
  18. William Shatner – Man never quits.  Bad toupee and old as hell, but he’s got like 5 shows on TV right now and a hit music album.  If the SEC is going after Arbitron numbers, then look no further than the Captain.
  19. Georgia – we want the Pre-Richt/Donnan/Goff version to rejoin the conference.  Remember when the Dawgs were relevant?  Me neither.
  20. CTU – cause it makes them so orgasmically happy just to be mentioned in any SEC speculation, and I’m starting to feel this [] much sorry for the miserable little inbred cretins.

COMING VERY SOON – The TRC Podcast

Mark your calendars, TRC plans to start doing a weekly podcast on Sunday nights to review/preview Gamecock football games and talk about whatever else comes to our minds.  Our first podcast will be this Sunday, August 14 at 6 p.m.  You can listen live here:

TRC Live 

T-bone will be using a voice-altering device in case the CIA is listening, so don’t worry if he sounds a little like Stephen Hawking.  And hey, if we figure out how all this fancy equipment works, we might even take live callers at some point. 

We will also post archived episodes on the site once they’re in the can.  

We hope you’ll be listening.