Redneck Games in the Upstate.

-Gman

Never before has a starting college quarterback gotten this much press for NOT drinking beer.� Kudos to you Mr. Garcia, this whole maturing thing is paying off.� (The press skills still�leave a little to be desired, however.� But hey, I’m nitpicking.)

– buck

I would chalk this one�up to innocent youthful enthusiasm, but that wouldn’t explain why Head Dawg Mark Richt decides to make not one, but TWO appearances (see the 2:24 mark AND the cringe-inducing 3:19 mark).� If he wasn’t on the hotseat before this video, they need to stick the damn chair in a blast furnace:

Oh, and in reference to my earlier analysis of the UGa scene – this video was obviously filmed prior to 11:00 am.

-tbone

In case you missed it, the Princeton Review is out with its list of 2010 biggest party schools�and the news is great for SEC fans:� Florida, Ole Miss and UGa all made the top ten.� IN YOUR FACE . . . ACC PEOPLE WHO STUDY,� . . . Uh.

Georgia actually topped the list, which doesn’t suprise me in the least.� I’ve spent a little time in Athens, GA (what with Mrs. Tbone being a Dawg . . . wait, not what I meant, dear), and I can tell you that a little some significant amount�collossal buttload of partying goes on within its fair confines.

In a strange way, the Law of Later works in reverse in Athens. You know, The Law of Later, right?� The later it gets, the better he/she looks. Its written in stone(d) somewhere.� Well, in Athens, it works the other way around.� Everyone looks their cute and innocent best when they first hit the tailgate at about 11:00 a.m. on gameday.

By about 1:00 in the afternoon, they are no longer innocent-looking, and are starting to get rowdy drunk.� By 3:00 p.m., its sloppy time.

By dark, it looks like a zombie flick.�

I’ve seen young, cute, almost-disney-character�co-eds�morph into screaming blood-sucking banshees by kickoff.� I’ve had them question my manhood, my personhood, my very existence.�

The experience is hard to take.� Its even harder to�handle sober.

So thanks, Princeton Review, for stating the obvious.� Next time you’re in Cola, I’ll�buy you a drink�in a quiet little place called�Five Points.

-tbone

As we prepare to embark on another Gamecock football season, I’d like to take a moment to reflect on, and hopefully flush (to use one of Ray Tanner’s words), all memories of the miserable papajohns.com Bowl.    

Juiced up from the Clemson victory, the Rubber Chicken boys decided that a road trip to the lovely toilet known as Legion Field was in order.  (To this day I truly believe the “This building condemned” signs were covered by posters of “Papa” John Schnatter.)  Based on our collective experiences in being let down hard by the Gamecocks after a big win (there are simply too many to list), we really should have known better.   

First of all, it was cold.  Damn cold.  Colder than any city sitting on or below I-20 should ever be.  I’ve frankly never been so cold in my entire life.  Despite putting on about five layers and lining our boots and gloves with “hot hands” and “hot feet,” we darn near froze our arses off.  (Did I mention how cold it was?)  The only source of warmth was a pre-game visit to the Hooters tent.   

Once the game started, it was clear that the only people colder than us were the Gamecock players.  I’ll never forgot the indelible image of perpetual bench “warmer” Kevin Young nudging starters out of the way to cozy up next to the space heater.   Meanwhile, our S&C coach Craig Fitzgerald stood on the sidelines the entire game in shorts and a t-shirt, never once daring to even cross his arms for fear of looking like a…WHOA, almost forgot, this is a family-friendly blog.  Anyway, I was wishing that dude still had some eligibility.      

As for the game, it was basically over before it started.  The UConn guys ran onto the field with energy, short sleeves and a bad attitude.  Our guys looked cold, confused, and ready to go home.  UConn played a smash mouth style while we played slapsies.   

When Garcia had time to throw, most of his on-target passes bounced off the frozen mitts of the receivers.  (Speaking of frozen mitts, how about Auguste’s inexplicable drop of a gift-wrapped pick six in the second half that could’ve completely changed the game?)   

That pretty much summed up our effort and the game.  The weather was unbearable and the game flat-out sucked.  Ready to flush it and move on?  You bet I am.   

I have some left over hot hands if anyone is interested.  

– g-man

Only slightly OT, and wwaaayyyy too earlier in the life of this blog for cross conference sniping, but I just came across this story from ESPN’s Ted Miller that begged for comment.  Seems new PAC 10 16 12 commissioner Larry Scott Ari Gold decided to take his head coaches on a road trip to the Big Apple.   Team building exercise?  Perhaps.  Ropes courses and campfires?  Possibly.

Since even bad publicity is better than the media Sahara that is PAC 10 football (home of the 1:00 am eastern kickoff), the conference decided to stage a photo opportunity in front of the NASDAQ billboard.  No, there is no relation between the PAC and the DAQ, and yes we are in a recession caused, in part, by Wall Street, but Ari apparently likes the visual association of the PAC with unearned, undeserved money (he’s thinking of YOU, Kiffin).  Witness:

 Left to right with the observations here:

 First, Mike Riley looks affable, friendly . . . and lost.  You know what they say about how a team takes on the personality of its coach? Well, Oregon State 2009 defense was a quick study.

Next we have Neuheisel.  His pants are tenting, and he’s leaning into Erickson a little too much for our liking here.  Dennis, on the other hand, appears intrigued.

Then we have the guy from Cal (Medvedev . . . whatever) and what appears to be a random, portly, tourist (further research indicates that the old guy is actually Oregon’s Chip Kelly on a particularly bad hair day).

OK, Ari Gold in a cheap suit, then Sarkisian in a very tight, very put together, look.  Stoops beside him, looking like a Neanderthal.  Sark and Stoops side by side is such a striking juxtaposition of the ying and yang, the Apollonian and the Dionysian, the (and we mean this in the most innocent of ways) feminine and the masculine that it jars the senses.

But the next two are the best:  Stanford’s Harbaugh and USC’s Kiffin.   First, both look miserable, which further jars the brain by simultaneously evoking sympathy for Harbaugh and high-five-slapping joy in the direction of Lame Lane.  The photo is made all the better by the threatening below the belt hand gesture that all UT fans wish Harbaugh would consummate, accompanied by his best Gene Hackman from Unforgiven voice, “I’m gonna hurt you. And not gentle like before… but bad.”

-tbone

The Gamecocks’ first opponent for the 2010 season is an unfamiliar foe, The Southern Miss Golden Eagles.� As the two teams have never met on the gridiron, here are a few facts about the other,�OTHER school from the State of Mississippi:

– The University of Southern Mississippi was founded in 1910.� Originally named the Mississippi Normal College (students were called “Normalites” if you can believe it), the school now boasts an enrollment for about 16,000 students in and around its main campus in Hattiesburg, MS.

-�Hattiesburg is in that part (all) of Mississippi that really annoys and depresses you on the drive to New Orleans.

– The university is perennially ranked as one of the nation’s top “study abroad” programs, which may be as much a testament to the general undesirability of�USM’s campus life as anything.

– The entire university closes down for Mardi Gras, and in a bold statement of academic priorities, also closes for the Monday prior.� That makes a nice, round, five-day drunkfest if you count the proceeding weekend.� This schedule, coupled with the USM official spirit song, Anyone. Anywhere. Anytime. probably gives you an adequate understanding of what’s going on�down in Hattiesburg (Hint: Their official rallying cry of “Eagle Fever” might be a warning . . . ).

-� During the civil rights unrest, future�University of Mississippi�enrollee James Meredith flirted with enrolling at USM, but in the last known example of student (much less athlete)�selecting USM as a first choice over Ole Miss, he enrolled in the latter on October 1, 1962 and made history as the first african-american to enroll in the state’s then-segregated university system.

– Notable graduates include former�Packer QB Brett Farve,�musical “artist”�Jimmy Buffett, tv chef Kat Cora, and Viking QB Brett Farve (yes I know I listed him twice, it was supposed to be a joke.� See, he retired then came bac�. . .oh, nevermind).

– Head football coach Larry Fedora is an active twitter participant.� Of course, his tweets seem to be constantly pimp-hatting�a beach party he’s attending or offering apparently inappropriate comments such as “for Women tonight. Call 601-266-6551”.� The last one is real, but might refer to a women’s football clinic . . . we hope.� Check out @coachfedora and judge for yourself.

So, how will the above�information impact the outcome of the 2010 Gamecock opener?� Probably very little.� But it is my sincere hope that�it�gives you a little ammunition�for your Southern Miss friends in the weeks leading up to kickoff.� No Southern Miss friends you say?� That makes two of us.

Maybe we need to start looking abroad. . .

-tbone