I thought pretty hard about a headline for this story, but then the realization hit me that sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, and sometimes you just shouldn’t screw with a great headline.  And folks, this is an all-timer:

Now, this story raises so many questions about this situation and the poor, unfortunate co-ed who put hashbrowns down her pants.  Chief among them:

• What kind of pants are we talking about here? Exercise pants? Soccer pants? Capris? Jeans? Not skinny jeans obviously…well, maybe that’s not so obvious.  This whole hashbrowns in the pants thing is so precedent setting.
• Did the pants have pockets? Did she put the hashbrowns in a pocket and the writers are having a little fun with the story? Or did she literally pull out her waistband and stick hashbrowns IN HER PANTS.
• Front, back or side?  This is an important fact that is being left out.  There are places in a girls pants where you just don’t want to put hashbrowns…like EVERYWHERE.
• The story says she had money to pay for the hashbrowns.  Carli, honey, why didn’t you pay for the hashbrowns?
• Hashbrowns can be seriously greasy…just not even going to go down that path.
• Who did she call first?  “Mom, I got arrested.  No, I tried to steal hashbrowns by sticking them in my pants.  Yes, your signal is fine, and I did say I tried to steal hashbrowns by sticking them in my pants.”
• If you didn’t know about this story, and you heard a UGA athlete was arrested for sticking hashbrowns in their pants, how many guesses as to which sport it was would you make before you said WOMEN’S SOCCER?
• Why was she taken to jail for trying to steal $1.06 worth of cafeteria hashbrowns?  Couldn’t the cops have spared her the humiliation and just said, “Young lady, don’t put hashbrowns in your pants again.”

I’m sure Ms. Shultis is completely mortified by this whole situation and never wants to show her face in public again.  But in time she will realize this is a golden (no pun intended) opportunity to cash in. 

Go on talk shows.  Do radio interviews. 

Contact Jimmy Kimmel for a recurring “things you shouldn’t stick in your pants” segment on his show.

Come out with a t-shirt that says “Have you seen my hashbrowns?”  I’d buy one.

Heck, come out with a line of pants with a secret “hashbrown pocket”.

I’m available to be your agent Ms. Shultis, I think you could really scatter and smother this thing into a big payday.  I’ll only take 10%.

Or some free hashbrowns.

No matter the knocks on Alshon Jeffery over the course of the past year – too fat, too slow, can’t separate – Gamecock fans, including myself, have always considered #1 a lock for the first round fo the NFL Draft.  Heck, I would’ve even bet a significant amount of cash the he would be a top 15 pick, even after a sub-sub-par junior season.

I am disappointed.  Jeffery will be able to do the same drills at South Carolina’s pro day on March 28, but it won’t be nearly as well attended by NFL personnel as the combine.  The guy had a chance to show what he can do. Right now, there is a lot of apprehension about the guy. I can’t tell you why the guy wouldn’t run or work out.      

The receiver order: Looks like Justin Blackmon and Michael Floyd of Notre Dame will be the only wideouts in round one, unless (Stephen) Hill sneaks in there. Reuben Randle of LSU and Rutgers’ Mohamed Sanu (the Bucs and new coach Greg Schiano want him) could go 4-5 unless Baylor’s Kendall Wright overcomes a lousy combine.

When Darrin Horn came to South Carolina as head basketball coach, he brought a youthful energy to a stale program.  Exactly what you would expect a youthful coach to do, right?  To his credit he got the students involved, and was instrumental in the formation of the “Garnet Army” student section.  Decked out in garnet and black camo, the students who had the pleasure of getting seats close to the court created a true home atmosphere for the team.  Horn even gave lessons on how and when to cheer, and encouraged the crowd to yell “THREEEEE” when a player launched a shot from beyond the arc.  The Garnet Army received a lot of air time when the Gamecocks were televised, with perhaps the pinnacle of their fanhood was in a 2009 victory over #1-ranked Kentucky:

Gman has been to the majority of the basketball games this season, bless his tiny black little heart, and the first thing he always points out is how small the crowds have gotten.  Also pointing this out Saturday to his national audience on mocksession.com was Timothy Burke, also known as @bubbaprog on Twitter.  Here is the screen capture from the SEC broadcast, which he posted under the heading “SEC Basketball: CATCH THE FEVER”:

Now, I don’t expect our crowds to be as good for a late season game against average competition like Georgia or LSU as I expect it to be for best team in the country.  However, I would hope to see more seats filled than not, especially in the student section.  Is that unreasonable to ask?

Gman took a couple of shots from the games last week.  Against Georgia the “Garnet Army” looked more like a platoon (or maybe even a squad depending on how many people went to concessions at the same time):

And then against LSU, when the student section was reduced to…that’s right…a Garnet Army of One:

Word came down yesterday that Jake Williams would not be a part of the 2012 Gamecock baseball team.  The vague and speculation-fueling “personal reasons” was given.  Whatever the case may be, we owe Jake a hearty Thank You for the greatest throw in Gamecock baseball history.

Enjoy.

As a new feature of TRC, and because the college sports world is dead as a doornail at the moment, we have decided to sift through the thousands of hundreds of dozens of email question we received this week and actually take the time to provide an answer.  After all, we have a civic duty to share with the general public the unending wealth of know-it-all-ness that has been bestowed upon us.  So please send us your email questions and from time to time we will maybe think about possibly answering. As always, your privacy is of utmost importance to us, so only your first name, last initial, and city and state will be shared.

This week’s question comes to us from Eric:

 Dear TRC,

I am the athletic director at a major university in the state of South Carolina that plays in the Southeastern Conference, and am coming up on a huge decision on whether or not to keep my men’s basketball coach.  A few years ago, I had to relieve the previous head coach because of consistently average performance.  He only made it to one NCAA tournament in eight years, and had just come off two consecutive losing seasons.  I will confess that this coach did win back-to-back NIT Championships while in our employ, but in my mind winning the NIT is about like being the smartest person at a Clemson football banquet.  Sure, it sounds impressive, but once you look at the competition it turns out to not be such a big deal.

Anyway, we relieved said coach of his duties, and proceeded to hire a guy who looked like a real up-and-comer from a mid-major school that had just finished a run to the Sweet 16 in the NCAA Tournament.  He hadn’t really been a hot commodity prior to the tournament, but I admit it’s easy to get caught up in all that March Madness hype and Gus Johnson screaming through the TV like he’s fallen from an airplane.  I was mesmerized, and we brought the guy and his up-tempo style and purported recruiting prowess to our school.  

His first year went pretty well, as he led the team to a 21-10 record, and even though we lost in the first round of the NIT to a school from North Carolina (all schools from North Carolina are really really good in basketball) we felt like the program was on the right track.  Fan support was the best it had been in years, and I thought the hire was a real home run (sorry for the baseball reference, but I love that sport).  

But the last three years our teams have been progressively worse.  In his fourth year the team is 9-15 and in last place in the conference by two games.  Our recruiting class for next year has fallen apart, attendance is embarrassingly low, and unless the young guys on the team now learn to shoot, pass and rebound in the next few months, 2012-2013 doesn’t look much better.

There’s only a small faction of supporters for this coach now, and their only reasoning seems to be that they don’t want to start over again with a new coach.  They’re asking for patience. 

Oh, and one last thing I should mention – in our excitement early on we accidentally gave this coach a contract extension and his buyout is currently $2 million dollars if I fire him.  The good news is the buyout drops to $1.5 million in April.  

Help me TRC, what should I do?

Sincerely,

Eric H., Columbia, SC

Dear Eric,

Sounds like quite a mess you have yourself in there.  Hopefully your other sports are in much better shape than basketball.

My first piece of advice – don’t do contract negotiations/extensions while drinking.

Second, the world of sports in 2012 is a “win now” business.  A coach might not have to win big right away – unless they’re at a school like Kentucky, North Carolina or Kansas – but it’s reasonable to expect steady progress after four years.  And to be in last place in the SEC, a conference that hasn’t exactly been lighting it up in basketball recently, after four years on the job is simply not acceptable.  I don’t care about history or tradition, you have to be better than that.

It’s a tough call, Eric, and I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes.  But think about next year and the year after.  What if you keep coming in last, and people continue to stay away from your games?  What about the impact in ticket sales, and the overall perception of your program?  One and a quarter million dollars is a painful price to pay, but the long-term price could be much higher if you bet on this guy long-term and lose.  Plus, starting over isn’t always such a bad thing.

Let him go, Eric.  And give your wife the keys to the scotch cabinet.

Sincerely,

Ask TRC

OK, I’ve been really hesitant to go to this place, because Andy Demetra seems like a nice enough guy, and there’s no doubt he loves what he’s doing.  The Gamecock Nation seems to be really neutral towards him.  I honestly never see anything written about him anywhere, good or bad. 

But following him on Twitter is a maddening exercise in positivity overload, and it came to a crescendo last night with this:

The fact that this was retweeted 14 times and favorited twice notwithstanding, WHAT THE HELL?!?

I love Scott Wingo, he’s one of the great Gamecocks of all time, and I’m a diehard Gamecock fan as evidenced by the fact that I write for free about it on an independent blog (looooooserrrrrr). 

BUT MR. WINGO WOULD NOT BE SHOWING MR. MANNING INTO ANYTHING.  MR. WINGO WOULD BE PARKING MR. MANNING’S CAR BECAUSE MR. WINGO HAD NOT PLAYED A SINGLE GAME AT SOUTH CAROLINA WHEN MR. MANNING WAS WINNING HIS FIRST SUPER BOWL!!!

I know, I know, it’s harmless.  Because of his employment situation, Andy is a Gamecock superhomer and into pandering.  I have accepted that.  But sometimes the fact that Mike Morgan is no longer our play-by-play guy hits me and I get a little flustered. 

I’ve calmed down…wait, he tweeted WHAT?!?

I think (Horn) is doing a fine job. South Carolina’s hard. Hard deal to get going. That’s why you’ve got to stick with a guy, and you’ve got to give him seven, eight years, and let him get it going.

– John Calipari, University of Kentucky Head Coach

We should really thank Coach Cal for his opinion, even though he appears to be trying to wave down a train that left the station about a month ago. And it’s pretty easy for a guy like him to chime in: secure in his job; secure for life financially; leading one of the premiere programs in the country; able to look at the top 20 high school players in America and say, “OK, I’ll take him, him, him, annnnd the 6’10” guy over there who can step on campus and average 15 and 10 every night.”

In last night’s post game, after Kentucky’s 86-52 win over South Carolina (the score makes the game look closer than it really was, folks), Calipari continued to lobby for Horn by saying something to the effect, “If South Carolina or its fans want to restart every three or four years that’s their business but that’s not how I would run things.”

Thanks Coach, but it’s obvious you’re trying to protect one of your own. Trying to single-handedly stabilize the college coaching profession. Your effort is noble and appreciated, but the defense of Darrin Horn is growing weaker by the game.

First of all, nobody associated with the Gamecock program WANTS to restart every three or four years.  Prior to Horn, Eddie Fogler had eight years and Dave Odom had seven years at the helm.  Both guys had moderate success, but followed that success with average to poor seasons that led to their respective retirements. Enter the young guy, the hot coaching prospect fresh off a Sweet 16 with Western Kentucky to bring long-term stability to our program.

But anyone with eyes can see that things have gone in the tank for our program at lightning speed under the leadership of Darrin Horn, and when you look ahead to 2012-2013 and beyond I’m not sure it makes us feel better that this is the proverbial “young” team.  Allow me to rehash a few tidbits from the end of last year until now:

• Ramon Galloway, one of our top returning players, mysteriously transfers out of the program. I don’t know if anyone knows the real story of why he left, but he would be a nice piece to have on this team. Currently averaging 15 points, 4 rebounds and 3 assists for LaSalle.
• Murphy Holloway, in one of the more bizarre transfer stories of all time, transfers to USC from Ole Miss, sits on our bench and practices with us for an entire season, then decides to transfer back to Ole Miss.  Currently averaging 10 points and 9 rebounds for Ole Miss.
• November brings losses to Elon on the road and Tennessee State at home
• In December our top two commitments for 2012-2013, Ian Baker and Carlos Morris, jump ship due to perceived instability with the program
• Currently ranked 284th in the country in points per game
• Currently ranked 289th in the country in rebounds per game
• Currently ranked 328th in the country in assists per game
• Currently ranked 266th in the country in shooting percentage

Besides those facts, just watching our team gives you the sinking feeling that we’re either a) sorely lacking in talent or b) not coached very well.  I’m certainly not here to bash the players.  I appreciate those guys, that they chose to attend USC, and that they pour their heart out every chance they get to play.  But you can’t escape from the fact that players like Brian Richardson and Lakeem Jackson were brought in to be cornerstones of the program, and now they’re fighting to just get a few minutes every game.

Whose fault is that?  I’m going to give the players the benefit of the doubt that they’re working hard and trying to get better every day.  And if that’s the case, then the coaching staff is not developing these guys, or they’re not being put into a system that gives them a chance to complete, much less win.

Look, a lot of people have been talking about “realistic expectations” in defense of Horn when it comes to our program.  I get that.  There is not a single program in a major conference with resources like ours that has underachieved more in the last 40 years.  (Name one, please, to make me feel better.)

But that doesn’t mean we should accept it.  And it doesn’t mean we should turn a blind eye to all the arguments that are starting to build up against Darrin Horn. He wasn’t brought in to be a miracle worker, but he also wasn’t brought in to a bare cupboard either, as evidenced by our 21-10 record his first year.

I’m not screaming for the dismissal of Darrin Horn. Despite taking the time to jot these few words down, I quite frankly don’t care a whole lot at this point.

And that may be the biggest indictment of all.

Someone has one last Letter of Intent to send you.

Happy National Signing Day Y’all!

Click here, then ignore the horrible sound quality for the first minute, then enjoy ramblings about:

• National Signing Day and how the Gamecocks will fare
• The dismissal of Jeep Hunter and what it all means
• A preview of a preview of the upcoming baseball season
• Chad Kelley Chad Kelley Chad Kelley
• basketball

Enjoy!

TRC brings you the historic 20th episode of Unleashed tonight at 6 p.m. It’s hard to believe three guys with nothing to talk about have produced 10 hours worth of podcasts.  Tonight we’ll try to make a boring week exciting with:

• Another coaching change
• Gman with a report from yesterday’s baseball scrimmage
• How the basketball team did this week
• On This Week in Dabo – Chad Kelley, American Idol

Plus, Tbone tells us how to make a Mitt Romney cake from several flavorless ingredients.