So you’ve waited. Too, too long now.
That special Tiger fan in your life is expecting something from you this Christmas, but your complex love/hate relationship has caused you to procrastinate until only a scant few shopping days are left.
Don’t despair, gentle reader; we here at TRC are ready to help with a last minute gift guide. All of these gifts were hand selected by our staff to reflect the precise feelings you want to communicate to your Clemson* frenemy.
– Six Pack of Coors, with one beer removed. Tell your friend that this is a “Five Pack,” the drink of the victorious. Quickly add that they can expect the sixth one next year.
– $12.00 gift card to Dollar General. Better than an actual gift, because it allows the recipient to select correct size and color variation (Orange/White, White/Orange, or Purple/White) in the awkward poly-blend Tiger sweatshirt of their dreams.
– Cornhole Boards. THE tailgating gift dujour. Instead of tiger paws, etc., go with a goat or cow design. Animal should be facing away from the viewer, hole strategically placed. Use your imagination here, folks, but know that your Clemson friend will enjoy it for years to come!
– Esssential Manners for Men, by Mssr. Peter Post. Since the Tiger faithful are so classy. A Clemson Man needs no introduction, right?
– USB Flash Drive containing only this Vine on loop. If only the stability ball were orange and/or had a photoshopped Dabo face on it. /sad clown noise.
– A towel bar.
– Only Yesterday, An Informal History of the 1920’s in America by Professor Frederic Lewis Allen. This is a can’t-miss gift, as all Tiger fans are obsessed with history these days. Also, that era had some dominant Tiger football!
– This plate, because it makes so much sense:
– $5 Dollar Foot Long Sandwich from Subway. While there, point out all the pictures of Jared as he five bombs them.
– A glove. Just one. Trust us, they will understand.
– An Xbox One. Well, the box from the one you got your kids, anyway. Give them the box, watch the glow of their expectant and hopeful eyes. Then, as they open it and discover you’ve filled it with coal, yell “ITS A CLEMSONING CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”