You’ve heard the rumors. So have we. So has everyone.

Vic Hampton is trouble waiting to happen.

Whether it is his intimidating visage, or his street-cred demeanor, this redshirt sophomore from Darlington has developed something of a bad reputation.

We here at TRC do not deal in unsubstantiated innuendo and baseless rumor mongering, so we decided to put our veteran investigative unit on the trail of the erstwhile boundary corner. Below are the results of our investigation, including photographic evidence. A word of warning, as much of the information that follows is disturbing, and is not intended for those with tender sensibilities.

First, we looked into Mr. Hampton’s class attendance. We were able to capture this photo, establishing that he is, indeed, regularly attending class at USC:

Now, a troubling warning sign from this part of our investigation: Mr. Hampton was on his way to Literature 312: The Romantic Poets. We all know where that sort of thing can lead.

He also is accustom to playing with his cellphone in class, and is unable to properly navigate the landscape/portrait settings:

Sadly, the subject of this twisted photo is another member of the Gamecock football squad, Cadarious Sanders. We all know the old adage about one rotten apple, don’t we?

Next we looked at Mr. Hampton’s activities in school outside of the classroom environment. We discovered the following:

Apparently Mr. Hampton prefers chugging Redbull and texting girls to working out in the weightroom with his teammates. I know, we were saddened to learn this as well. What other young person do you know that would give in to such temptations?

What of his family? Witness the following:

I’m sure you recognize this seemingly loving and attractive American family for what it really is: a secret crime syndicate. Notice how stealthy and shifty the guy in the back row looks (no not HIM, that’s Vic, I’m referring to the one to his left). And we have it on good authority that the female to Hampton’s right has unpaid parking tickets. Well, one anyway. For her bicycle. And what is the man in the white shirt smiling about? His upcoming crime spree, no doubt.

And to top it all off, you have the Godfather in the lower center, surrounded by his close band of thieves. How ominous.

Hobbies? Check this out:

No, those aren’t multiple bingo cards that Victor is playing (and apparently winning, with a straight left-to-right bingo on the second row of the top card). No, instead this is the latest development in parimutuel betting: bingo-disquised parley cards. What he is actually celebrating is his wise removal of the marker from the 70 box on the “O” line of the middle card. For the uninitiated, the “O” line is for the Orange Bowl, and 70 was Hampton’s bet on the number of points one of the participants would surrender. Seasoned gambler, obviously.

Known associates? How about this sickening revelation:

Now you may think that this innocent looking grandmother is harmless. You might also think she is holding a garnet pom-pom. Wrong on both counts. This is actually a well-known trafficker in illegal human organs, and that is a human liver she is so flippantly shaking.

Somewhere, as you read this, someone is suddenly waking up in a bathtub of ice. On their chest is a prepaid cellphone and a note. The note reads, “I have removed your liver. You need immediate medical attention or you will die. Call 911. Love, Meemaw.”

Everything we already said, plus THIS:

 

Even the most casual readers of this space are familiar with TRC’s ambivalence toward current former still current SC Athletic Director Eric Hyman.  Despite gains in multiple areas of our athletics program, there was always something about the man that caused us to withhold our praise and cast a certain amount of scorn.

Perhaps it was an overriding feeling that Hyman was not really one of us, that he put the wants and needs of the Gamecock faithful behind the demands of his own professional advancement.  This apparent secondary emphasis came through in many of his early statements about Carolina (the fact that you just asked which ‘Carolina’ I meant proves my point, and betrays that the Gamecocks were only a tertiary concern, at best).

As his tenure drew on, we were similarly disappointed to watch him fumble important issues, such as immediate and long-term conference football scheduling (as viewed in comparison to our crafty friends to the west, the Georgia Bulldogs) and the assignment of permanent football cross division opponents (USC/TAMU is a horrible idea, but let’s save that for another day).  Hyman always seemed out of his league in conference-level decision making, and that only served to underscore our perception that we were only temporarily important to him.

To put it another way: does it really matter how long it will be before UNC-Chapel Hill give us that return home football game we’ve been owed?  Nope, ‘cause Hyman wouldn’t be around to see it anyway, right?

Which brings us up to yesterday’s radio interview with SC Radio Network’s Phil Kornblut.  In the interview, Hyman weighed in on our prospective AD search, and even hinted strongly that fan favorite Ray Tanner would not be qualified for the job.  Many tweeters and message board denizens collectively spilled piles of Cheetos on parent’s basement floors over his audacity at commenting on the search, much less opining over a top candidate’s strengths and weaknesses.

My own reaction was initially, and strongly, negative.  I carefully put down my own bag of Cheetos and launched into Mr. Hyman via our TRC twitter feed.  I even complained to my wife about it as we were brushing our teeth before turning in for the night (Mrs. Tbone was nonplussed by my outrage, by the way, and only yawned in response).

However, in listening to the interview again today I’ve developed a more moderate, albeit more strongly held, opinion:

Hyman accidentally let the cat out of the bag:  AD Ray Tanner is already a done deal.

Why else would a grown man discuss another grown man’s abilities and challenges in such an open way?  Why would he comment on the differences between the AD job and a head coaching job?  It’s no secret that the two men have disagreed during their common tenure, but would he take a parting shot at arguably the greatest head coach in Gamecock history?

I suggest to you that even Hyman is not is that small.

What he told Kornblut sounded like something he had said a time or two before.  Perhaps to the Trustees, perhaps to Tanner himself.  The AD job is different, you will need strong people around you, the learning curve will be steep, etc. all sounds like job advice, and not candidate selection tips.

And perhaps most telling of all, Hyman indicated that a “national search” was always his philosophy as it served to “validate” an internal hire.

In other words, you conduct the national search to reassure everyone that the best person got the job, when you knew all along that the best person was already in an office down the hall.

Hate Hyman all you want (we’ll stand with you all the way) but I think he just bumbled his way to some big news.

Surprised there hasn’t been more excitement about tonight’s SEC East football showdown between the Gamecocks and the Bulldogs of Uga.  The game is set to be nationally televised beginning at 7:00 pm on ESPNU.  Check your local listings.

As for predictions, this game is always a slugfest, but seems to follow a biannual rhythm of low scoring contests at the Brice, and shootouts in Athens.  I’m gonna predict another Athens high scoring affair.

Something tells me that Big Melvin is gonna be primed for a stellar game, and I would look for at least one trick play from the HBC in the kicking game.

In the end, I think #21 takes over down the stretch, and the Gamecock defense hold on to the win.

What do you think will happen?

Details still sketchy, but this sounds tragic.  Pray for our Auburn University brothers and sisters.

It’s official as of today:  CTU Head Coach Dabo Swinney just signed a new 6 year contract that will pay him almost 2 Million a year.

Impressive, right?

Well, we were inspired by the folks at Sportstalk Radio Network to use the SC Freedom of Information Act to gather more information on the contract, and we can now offer this exclusive look at one of Dabo’s memos from the contract negotiations:

We’re all still smarting from our GABA Bracketology beatdown, so we’re falling back on a familiar TRC meme:  Things that are completely unrelated to other things:

In this installment, we look at the SEC football coaches, if they were 2012 summer movies:

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With the Memorial Day holiday now behind us, the summer movie season is in full swing.  As such, it comes as no surprise that the Sportstalk Radio Network is out with its latest cinematic tour-de-force: The Sammy Watkins Cruiser Cam Video.  Although still in EXTREMELY limited release, we were able to screen the film and (SPOILER ALERT) offer a review to you, our loyal readers.

First, a word on production values.  While the source material for this film is in a difficult electronic format, the crack production team of Phil Kornblut and Kevin McCrarey solve that particular Gordian Knot by setting up an iPhone in front of the video monitor and coupling an “audio out” port with a multi-directional mic.  This cobbled, yet ingenious, method of capturing the raw police footage works on several levels.  First, the lack of focus renders the slack-jawed members of the campus police almost humanoid in appearance, and second, it provides occasional, albeit unintentional, insight into the filmmakers themselves. In one particularly revealing incident at the 12:33 mark, the bare hobbit feet of McCrarey are accidentally interposed upon the table in front of the screen.   The revelation of his awkward ankle tattoo (which appears to be a Tiger performing an unspeakable act on a goat) does not lack in subtlety, but begs the question of whether or not the directors are actually Clemson fans.  The muddiness of their loyalties is only underscored by Kornblut’s gleeful laughter throughout the film.

The choice of color is likewise intriguing.  Much like the late Stanley Kubrick’s use of reds and blues to signify danger and safety, our filmmakers have capitalized on the reflections of the police cruiser lights to wash the entire production in burnt orange and bright purple.   This is, of course, an oblique reference to Clemson’s school colors which, not coincidentally, are the same as police lights reflecting off nighttime offenders.

Surprisingly, the main dramatic arc of the film does not center on its purported subject, Mr. Watkins.  The titular character is instead depicted as quiet (uncommunicative), clumsy (he drops pills, a baggie of marijuana, and several footballs), and prone to feigning injury at the slightest touch.

Instead, the drama of the film is carried by the conflict between seasoned detective Alonzo Harris and the rookie cop, Jake Hoyt.  The two officers are depicted as arguing throughout the film, as the rookie insists on conducting an investigation by the numbers, while the more veteran Harris attempts to reason, cajole, bully, and finally threaten at gunpoint in order to head off the arrest of the Tiger athletes.  One early exchange:

Jake: I told you, I’m not gonna take that money.

Alonzo: All right, burn it, barbecue it, fish-fry it, I don’t give a [beep]. But the boys’ll feel better about it.

Jake: [beep] their feelings.

Alonzo: You’re not making them feel like you’re part of the team.

Jake: The team? You guys are [beepin] insane. All right, I’ll go back to the Valley. I’ll cut parking tickets. Why does it have to be this way?

 Alonzo: I’m sorry I exposed you to it, but it is. It’s ugly, but it’s necessary… Sometimes you gotta have a little dirt on you. . .

[It should be noted that the cops’s names and this dialogue are, in an apparent homage by Sportstalk, lifted directly from the 2001 Ethan Hawke/Denzel Washington film, Training Day.]

The special effects are also impressive.  Clearly rivaling a Michael Bay production in technological adroitness, Mr. Watkins’ 2013 Cadillac Escalade is impressively transformed into a slightly ragged-out 1999 Deville.  The entire transformation takes place off-camera, and the viewer is left to wonder about the source of the Escalade, the nature of its transforming properties, and exactly why Mr. Watkins would choose to turn it into such a clunker.

Alas, as with all true film, sometimes the undisclosed mysteries are as compelling as the overt narrative.

In the final analysis however, the film fails to deliver.  We are not made to care about these characters, and are instead reduced to mere observers of dispassioned players upon the stage.  This may have been the director’s intention, in which case the entire banal production is a stinging commentary on the ultimately unrewarding and underwhelming product that CTU perpetually fields.

– fin–

Tune in next week for our review of the new hit video, “The Dabo Dance.”