HEY FOLKS, ITS_DABO HERE!!! IM KINDA TRIED OF ALL THE NATIONAL MEDIA DISSING ON AND UNDERANKING MY CLEMSON TIGERS, SO I DECIDED TO RELEASE MY OWN RANKINGS!!!! CHECK EM OUT RIGHT HERE, BELOW THIS PART OF THIS THING:

1. THE ACC CHAMPIONS. THE BEST OF THE BEST. ITS THE ONLY CHAMPIONS THAT REALLY MATTER, AM I RIGHT???!!!

2. CLEMSON UNIVERSITY TIGERS. THATS ME!! WE WON IT ALL LAST YEAR AND COUD DO IT AGAIN THIS YEAR!!!?!?!

3. MOTHERS MILK. THE ONLY BRAND I DRINK!!!

4. KYLE PARKER. I BET THAT OLD BOY IS TEARING UP THE NFL RIGHT NOW – HECK HE WAS READY TO START WHEN I HAD HIM HERE!

5. GEORGIA. ONLY REASON I DONT RANK THEM HIGHER IS BECUASE THEY KEEP AVOIDING US ON THE CONFERENCE SCEDULE SOMEHOW!??!?

6. USC – THE ONE IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN SIDE OF AMERICA! HAHAHA BURN!

7. TERRY THE DON PHILIPS – HE GAVE ME MY FIRST REAL SHOT , WELL AT ANYTHIGN REALLY UNLESS YOU COUNT MOM, BEAR, AND THAT REALTOR I WORKD FOR IN FLORDIA!!!

8. LSU. THOSE BOYS ARE GONNA BE GOOD, AND I THINK ITS FUNNY HOW THEY CLAIM TO PLAY IN DEATH VALLEY BUT IVE NEVER SEEN THEM THERE!!

9. REALITY. ITS RANKED SLIGHTLY AHEAD OF:

10. WEST VIRGINIA. THE OLD ADAGE SAYS IT BEST: ITS BETTER TO BE LUCKY THAN GOOD!!!?! AM I RIHGT??!?

11. TEAMS THAT HAVE BEEN THERE BEFORE. YOU KNOW US, MIAMI, FLORDIA STATE, OKLAHMOA AND OHIO STATE!!

12. AUBURN. MAN, DID THEY COPY EVERYTHING FROM US OR WHAT?!?!? EXCEPT FOR THAT CHICKENHAWK, I THINK THEY GOT THAT FROM A CARTOON OR SOMETHING.

13. NO THIRTEEN – ITS BAD LUCK SO NO ONE WILL BE RANKED IT!?!

14. CAROLINA. THE ONE IN WINSTON SALEM!!!! BURN, AGAIN!!!!!!

15. DOLLAR GENERAL. ONE STOP SHOPPING AND FULL OF CLEMSON GRADS. WHAT MORE CAN A MAN ASK FOR???!?!!

16. 50/50 COTTON AND SOMETHING ELSE GRAY SWEATSHIRTS. I WEAR EM ALL THE TIME, IVE EVEN GOT ONE LONG ENOUGH TO SLEEP IN. COOOO-ZY!!! OH AND THEY SALE THEM AT DOLLAR GENERAL SO ITS PERFECT!!

17. ALABAMA. MAN IM GLAD WE DONT HAVE TOPLAY THEM CAUSE THAT WOULD BE AWKAWARD!!??!! I WAS A STAR WLAK ON THERE AND MY MOM STILL HAS HER WHOLE BEDROOM DECORATED IN THAT COLOR!!?!

18. SHEEP. THEY ARE SO FLUFFY!!?!! I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY PEOPLE AROUND HERE WERE HUGGING UP ON THEM SO MUCH, SO I FINALLY TRIED IT. ITS AWESOME AND TICKLES. COURSE UNLIKE SOME I USUALLY TRY TO KEEP ON MY:

19. PLEATED DOCKERPANTS. THEY GO WITH ANYTHING. MOM BOUGHT ME A BELT WITH SILVER HANDLES ON IT AND THEY KINDA MATCH MY ORANGE NIKES. IF I WEAR A COACHES SHIRT OR A ORANGE COAT AND TIE OR EVEN A SWEATSHIRT THEY WORK JUST FINE. I CANT FIND ANY BIG ENOUGH TO SLEEP IN WHICH IS BAD BECASUE THAT BIG SWEATSHIRT KINDA LOOKS LIKE A DRESS AND MOM LAUGHS SO HARD!!!???!! SUCKS, MAN!!!

20. TCU. TOUGH GUYS TO BEAT, AND THEYVE GOT THAT REALLY COLD BLUE ASTROTURF WAY UP THERE IN IOWA. WHATS THE DEAL WITH THAT??!?!

21. THE UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA GAMECOCKS. THE ONE IN JACKSONVILLE!!!! HAHAHAHAHA – GOTCHA AGAIN – BURN, BURN, BURN!!!!

22. THE ROSE BOWL. ITS THE BEST BOWL EVEN THOUGH I ALWAYS SAID THE ORANGE BOWL WAS THE BEST BOWL BUT IVE KINDA CHANGED MY MIND

23. THE CLEMSON POLICE DEPARTMENT. CANT REALLY SAY MORE, BUT LETS JUST SAY THEY WATCH OUT FOR MY PLAYERS AND WILL BRING THEM TO ME WITHOUT ARRESTING THEM LIKE EVERY WEEKEND. THAT PLUS I THIN THEY GIVE THE GUYS MONEY EVERY NOW AND THEN. LIKE I SAID DONT WANT TO SAY MUCH HERE!!??!!

24. THE MARYLAND TERIPINS. THOSE UNIFORMES ARE CRAY-CRAY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN???!!!??! (NO REALLY DO YOU KNOW WHAT ‘CRAYCRAY’ MEANS I HOPE I USED IT RIGHT???)

25. BALL STATE. MAN I CANT QUIT LAUGHING ABOUT THERE NAME – A STATE FULLS OF BALLS!!!???!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! BURN!

Buck laid down the funky offensive beats for yesterday’s Best Case/Worst Case analysis, so today it falls to me to answer with some defensive BC/WC thoughts:

Let’s start, just like a quarterback reading the pre-snap alignment, with the defensive backs and work our way down:

Safeties

Best Case:  DJ Swearinger translates his offseason grind-hype into even 10% of its potential.  Opposing B and Y receivers become B and Mers at the very sight of him.  Brison Williams develops from the dependable practice player that all the coaches love, to the gamer that all the fans adore.  One of either Kadetrix Marcus or Sheldon Royster develops into the next E. Cook or D. Stew as the season progresses.  Between the hash marks at Williams Brice is a bitter no man’s land for anyone who dares to try a post or crossing pattern.

Worst Case:  Swearinger’s offseason grinding results in stripped gears when it comes race time.  We get used to seeing the safeties pointing at each other post-touchdown in the age-old “no-you-had-inside-leverage” debate.  Opponents convert on various iterations of 3^rd and 10, 3^rd and 20, 4^th and 23, etc., etc.   And run support?  Yeah, but here it’s of the “run-down-from-behind-after-twenty-yard-gain” variety.  What I’m describing here is the “Bad Cully” part of good old #17’s schizophrenic career.

Corners

Best Case:  Auguste is back to his 1987 form (What? He’s been around that long, right?)  Victor Hampton takes his flashes of brilliance from last season and turns them into one season-long klieg light of shutdown domination.   Ahmad Christian and/or Jimmy Legree develop into solid backups – kind of like a more physical, cerebral, focused, and athletic version of Kevin House.

Hey, all any of them really need to do is keep the pattern covered for 3 seconds, as we will further explain in the Defensive Ends section, below.

Worst Case:  Since the TRC editorial ground rules prohibit discussing injuries during a BC/WC post, I’ll just quickly mention Akeem Auguste again and post this picture of a teddy bear:

Oh, and in a worst case scenario, Vic Hampton goes back to hanging out with known human organ traffickers and loses his place on the depth chart.

Linebackers/Spurs

Best Case:  Wilson, Smith, Bowens, Jeffrey, and Holloman, seniors all, play the best football of their careers.  Run fits and coverage drops are second nature to these guys, and our veteran corps wrecks havoc on opposing running backs and tight ends.    Young guys like Cooper and Lewis look like young Brinkleys in mop up duty, as we prepare them for the 2013 season.

Worst Case:  Wilson, Smith, Bowens, Jeffrey, and Holloman, seniors all, play like senior . . . citizens.  Slow and out of position, these guys make us long for the days when Shane Burnham roamed the area immediately back and to the left of the right hash mark on the 42 yard line (you know the spot where he was trying to unload the piano).  By midseason we are forcing things with the younger guys, who make up for their lack of experience by running in the wrong direction, but faster.

Defensive Ends

Best Case:  Jadeveon Clowney is the Best Case Scenario.   <—-that is a period, so read it that way.

Worst Case: We move #7 around between DT, DE, Will, and Mike so much that he gets frustrated and just starts eating people.  This includes, unfortunately, all the other defensive ends as “Don’t Say Nothing” can’t summon the presence of mind to yell for help.  Chaz Sutton manages to get two penalties called on him in the same punt return (wait – that already happened, see the third quarter of the Capitol One Bowl)

Oh and we waste Darius English’s redshirt year by accidentally playing him on the punt team during the Wofford game.

Defensive Tackles

Best Case:  Byron Jerideau Fever sweeps the nation as the svelte happy one becomes the feel-good story of CFB.  All the attention just makes him mad, so he plugs the gut of the Dline like an all-meat diet.   Kelcy Quarles develops into a premier run stopper in the mold of what we thought Stanley Doughty was gonna be, but never became.  Opponents give up trying to run up the middle, and can’t run around the end, for the reason we explained in the Defensive Ends section, above.

Worst Case: Kelcy Quarles, Philip Dukes, and however many Gerald Dixons we may or may not have on the roster get beat out on the depth chart by Aldrick Fordham.  I know, I know, he’s a heck of a ballplayer and we love him, but he’s got the frame of linebacker to go with his heart of a lion.  Byron Jerideau notices the Bojangles beside the stadium and starts trying to eat his way happy again.

We grew to love Travian, but all too late.

Next up, Gman analyzes Special Teams . . . or something.

Starting to get a little concerned:

A Monday morning look back at the Gamecock weekend that was:

– Steve Spurrier will never, ever, no, not ever be an Athletics Director.    Good thing is, he has zero desire for that kind of job.  Need convincing?  Just listen to his latest presser from Media Day yesterday, and note how much he cares about finances.  I’ll give you a hint, its less than he cares about defense.  I think his quote was “don’t they just put all that cash in a big wad?”

– Marcus Lattimore and the Book of Job.  Again, watching video from yesterday’s Media Day and noted Marcus waxing personal about why God was testing him (and his ACL) in Starkville last fall.  Hate to go all Presbyterian on you here, but I think he’s got it wrong.

Augustine said it best, and I will paraphrase it poorly: God may well test us, but only to reveal to us how much grace we already have, not to prove anything to Him.

Or, maybe Latti was referring to visiting Starkville in the first place as being a test from God. In which case, point taken.

– Rico McWilliams – Feel horrible for this kid, and we died just a little when Lattimore said, in the above-referenced video, that he was dedicating each hit he took this season to the injured freshman.  Keep your head up, Rico – we are pulling for you to have a big 2013.

– DeDe Smith is a star in the making.  We here at TRC are really pulling for this guy, who is apparently now one of our starters at wideout.  Of course, so were Jason Barnes and Taqiy Muhammed at some point in their careers, says that nagging voice that’s been worrying me about the Gamecocks for over thirty years.

– ‘Punish.’  Reports have it that the 2012 Gamecock has adopted the word ‘punish’ as their slogan.  Couple of points here:  First, its wwaaaayyyy better and less prone to double entendre than “All In.”  Second, it certainly scares the crap outta me, and I’m not likely to be running a crossing route over the middle anytime soon.

– ‘Beastboard’ update.  It might, or might not, have been Eric Nichols of the Gamecock Front Office that coined the phrase (at least he’s using it on his twitter feed).  Regardless, we LOVE it as the unofficial moniker of the hulking behemoth that is now being constructed in the North end zone of the ‘Brice.

But one thing on the Beastboard, and someone pass this on to Mr. Nichols:  If, prior to the ECU game, we miss the gargantuanly dramatic opportunity to run the old school ‘2001’ opening video circa 1980 in the exact size and location of the old video board, and then immediately wham-splash a new updated video all over the Beast for the actual 2001 entrance, then we’re just killing puppies and kittens and wasting time.

See to it, Eric.

Latti’s Back:

Gamecock Senior Safety, D.J. Swearinger:

“South Carolina will open fall camp on Aug. 3.

The first practice, which is open to the public (although I do not recommend bringing small children), will begin at 7:30 p.m. at the Bluff Road practice fields. The first week of practices will remain open to the public (again, its not the safest place to bring the young and/or the infirm). Players will not be available for autographs before, during or after the practice sessions (I don’t come to your place of Grinding and bug you for autographs, do I?). In addition, pets are not permitted on the practice fields (violating animals will be consumed immediately).  All fans attending the practice sessions must stay behind the yellow rope (for your own mental and physical safety).  Cameras (still and video) are allowed for the first 15 minutes of practice only (violating cameras will also be consumed immediately).

Fan Appreciation Day is set for Aug. 12 at Colonial Life Arena, beginning at 12:30 p.m. (this is when you bring Junior and Grandma).

PRACTICE SCHEDULE (NOTE: Dates/times subject to change):

Aug. 3 – 7:30 p.m. – Introducing the new players to Grinding

Aug. 4 – 7:30 p.m. – Grinding

Aug. 5 – 7:30 p.m. – Grinding

Aug. 6 – 9:30 a.m. – Grinding

Aug. 7 — 8:30 a.m. – Grinding

Aug. 8 — 8:30 a.m. – Grinding

Aug. 9 — 8:30 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. – Grinding and some more Grinding

Aug. 10 – 9:30 a.m. – Grinding

Aug. 11 – 3:45 p.m. – Grinding

Aug. 12  – 7:30 p.m. – Grinding (may do some remedial work on 46 Bandit concepts as well)

Aug. 13 –  9:30 a.m. – Grinding

Aug. 14 – 8:30 a.m. – Grinding

Aug. 15  – 8:30 a.m. and 7:30 p.m.- Grinding and some more Grinding

Aug. 16 –  9:30 a.m. – Grinding

Aug. 17 – 8:30 a.m. – Grinding

Aug. 18 – 8:30 a.m. – Grinding

Aug. 19 – 7:30 p.m. – Not as much Grinding as the day before, and not as much Grinding as the day after, but still significant Grinding

Aug. 20 – 7:30 p.m. – Grinding

Aug. 21 – 9:30 a.m. – Grinding

Aug. 22 – 8:30 a.m. and 7:30 p.m. – Grinding and some more Grinding

Aug. 23  – Fall semester begins – Different kind of Grinding, but still Grinding