If you live in the shadows of Clemson Tiger University the way that I do, you’ve probably heard the latest orange-tinged ruckus about Gamecock uber-safety, D.J. Swearinger.  It seems that our junior FBS fan base to the north is upset because #36 hits too hard, or enjoys the game too much, or expresses himself too readily for their collectively refined tastes.

Now I won’t go to any great lengths to point out the hypocrisy of their position, but Jaron Brown’s behind the play earholing of Shaq Wilson last year does spring to mind.  And CTU Strength and Conditioning Coach, Joey Batson, (listen to the :20 mark here) yelling at Wilson to “read your history books, punk.” I’m also cognizant of the repeated cheap shots to the face of Syvelle Newton that ultimately led to a bench clearing brawl in the 2004 game.  And I’m sure many Gamecocks remember Clemson’s Brentson Buckner literally standing on a Carolina offensive lineman as he yelled “get some players” in the 1991 debacle at Williams Brice.

I won’t get into details of those, or the myriad other, examples of poor sportsmanship by the Tigers.  But it is grating to witness the sudden holier-than-thou attitudes of their fans now that our dominance of the rivalry has, at long last, asserted itself.

But back to our man D.J.    The specific incident that has the Tigers upset is not, as you might expect, the bone-rattling takedown of Andre Ellington, or Swearinger’s immediate arm flexing antics that followed.  Instead, they are most upset about the disrespect that #36 supposedly showed to their beloved Head Coach, Dabo Swinney.  Quoting from the Tiger Illustrated write-up:

 — We’ve received some questions about the incident between South Carolina defensive back D.J. Swearinger and Dabo Swinney in the final moments of last week’s game at Death Valley. Numerous people who witnessed the incident tell us that Swearinger verbally confronted Swinney as Clemson took over for its final possession with 23 seconds left.
Basically, it was a profanity-laced tirade in which Swearinger screamed that Swinney couldn’t back up his talk. Swearinger had to be directed to the other side of the field by a teammate because the ball was about to be snapped.

Swinney did not say anything during Swearinger’s rant, but he addressed it with his players afterward in the locker room by telling them they’d be kicked off the team if they ever confronted an opposing coach.

So what, exactly, did D.J. yell at Dabo?  D.J. isn’t talking, other than to offer the following via his twitter feed:

Sooooo i cussed dabo out after the game??!?!?! Thats funny, people a say anything to ‘TRY’ n bring you down lol but for the record, i didnt

— DJ Swearinger (@JungleBoi_Swagg) December 3, 2012

We’ve decided to try to reconstruct the so-called “tirade.”  So after careful film study, consultation with a lip reader and several linguistic experts (OK, me and a couple of guys from work), we can definitely state that DJ said one of the following, depending on the listed topic he might have chosen.  Or not.  Just go with it, people. Sheesh:

Geographic:  “If USC is in California, and Carolina is in Chapel Hill, then what team is it that keeps whooping your ass, Dabo?”

Technological:  “Man I tried to change my bank password to “Clemson” but I got an error message saying “TOO WEAK.””

Encouraging: “Keep your chin up, Coach Swinney, you will go through puberty SOME DAY.”

Oscar Wildean: “Coach, the simplicity of your character makes you exquisitely incomprehensible to me.”

Matriarchal:  “Yo, Dabo, me and you got one big thing in common, in college we both slept with your [REDACTED].”

Obscure: “When you get lost in thought, Dabo, do you feel like a stranger there?”

Dickensian: “You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of underdone potato. There’s more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!”

Full Disclosure: “Coach, I’ll give you and Chad a fighting chance on this one:  We’re playing deep thirds with a robber in the weakside flat.  Oh, and Clowney’s coming hard off the edge.”

Mayan Calendar:  “Look on the bright side, Coach:  the pain will be over in less than a month.”

Fashionable:  “Nice sweatshirt, coach.  Might wanna get one a couple of sizes smaller, oh and in any color but orange.”

Gynecological:  “You’ve got sand where?  And it’s been there for FOUR YEARS?  Might wanna have that checked by a doctor.”

Zombie Apocalypse:  “I’d steer clear of Venables, Coach.  Dude looks like he’s already been bitten.”

Factual:  “Dabo, you make so many people in this state happy.  You bring real joy to so many folks, you really do.  Well, all the Gamecock fans, anyway.”

                           *                                                   *                                                *

–Oh, and this picture is for all the tongue-clicking, suddenly-saintly, Tiger fans, even though we couldn’t figure out how to work it into the narrative:

No doubt you’ve seen it.  Its been making the rounds via email forwards and social media shares:  an article entitled “The Difference between Clemson and South Carolina.”  Since its hate week, and the Orange clad yokels are all out in force, we found the article particularly galling.  Accordingly, we decided to respond.  Here is the offending document (in bold italics) in its entirety and unedited, along with our comments:

We are the Clemson Family. You are the Gamecock Nation
TRC Responds: Yeah, we are a nation. A nation is a good name for a group of unrelated people who unite around a common cause. And y’all probably are a family – almost all Clemson fans sure look like they’re related.

Our Stadium is named after the Clemson Students who gave their lives in the service of our country. Your stadium is named after a female booster.
TRC Responds: Oh, a school founded as a military institution (Clemson A&M College) named their stadium after something to do with the military? Wow, congratulations, bet that was a tough decision. Riddle me this, if you’re so stinking proud of that fact, why do you insist on calling your stadium “Death Valley”. Why is it emblazoned on the interior facade “WELCOME TO DEATH VALLEY”? Aren’t you proud of the people who gave their lives in service of this country? Apparently not.
And why point out that our stadium is named after a “female” booster? Is there a problem with that? That’s a bit sexist, no? We take it as a point of pride that we are one of only two FBS schools that named its stadium after a woman (the woman in question was the widow of a Carolina football player, but we won’t burden you with the details).

It is 5 football fields from Tillman Hall to the 50 Yard Line of Frank Howard Field. It is one and a half miles from the Horseshoe to the 50 yard line at Williams-Brice.
TRC Responds: Your stadium is on campus, we get that. And ours was constructed as a part of the state fairgrounds, and so is a short distance away from the main campus. Both situations have their pros and cons, but don’t ask about that when we’re trying to find a parking place in Clemson on a game day. Oh, and speaking of game days, Chris Fowler from ESPN College GameDay (heard of it?) called this year’s GameDay on the Horseshoe the best atmosphere he has EVER seen. What did he say when GameDay came to Clemson? Ohhhhhh, riiiight, my bad. Eh, what does Chris Fowler know about game day atmosphere anyway.

To get to our Stadium, you walk through a park dedicated to all the Clemson Students who gave their lives in the Armed Forces. To get to your stadium, you pass an empty fairground, railroad tracks, warehouses, liquor stores and parking lots.
TRC Responds: 1998 called, they want their narrative back. Visit the areas around Williams Brice (named after a woman, gasp!) today and let us know if you still feel the same way. How ‘bout this, Tiger Fans: spend twenty minutes getting your 2003 Gateway computer booted up, navigate through all the pop-up porn viruses you’ve downloaded, and google “Carolina farmers market renovations.” I guarantee you that nothing in and around Memorial Stadium compares to the Williams Brice area now.

Our Coach embraces the history and tradition of Clemson Football. Your Coach disavows everything that came before him (East Carolina game quotes 9/8/12); after moving to #3 in the AP poll “That is a school record”- he was then informed that the 1984 SCar team rose to #2 before losing to Navy (Greenville News 10/8/2012)
TRC Responds: Disavows everything that came before him? Before Steve Spurrier there were no signs in the stadium recognizing the accomplishments of former Gamecock players. There was no “1969 ACC Championship” sign. Steve Spurrier has done more to highlight what little tradition we have than any coach before him. Meanwhile, continue to embrace your “history and tradition”, that was attained through ill-gotten means throughout the 80’s. Should we link the NCAA report here?

We lost a bowl game by 37 points and it is considered one of the lowest points in the history of our program. You lost the SEC Championship game by 39 points and that appearance is one of the highlights of your program.
TRC Responds: Good point…oh, look, West Virginia just…scored…again.

Our Coach honored the scholarship of a high school student who suffered a stroke after he verbally committed to Clemson and will likely never walk again. (Jake Nicolopulos). Your Coach pulled a scholarship offer on the day before signing day to a player who had been committed for months who was an orphan and spent the majority of his childhood as a ward of the state. (Lorenzo Mauldin).
TRC Responds: Schools will, from time to time, grant medical hardship schollys to qualifying student athletes. USC has done it, Clemson has done it (you cite one example but there are others) and that’s a good thing.
But the Mauldin situation is totally different: Lorenzo Mauldin didn’t have qualifying test score. He couldn’t gain admission to USC, so we had to move on. He ended up at Louisville, we think. Are you honestly gonna say that Clemson has never turned down a football player because of his grades or test scores? ‘Cause if that’s your claim, the NCAA will want to do some investigating in Pickens County. Again.

Our Coach proposed a plan to generate revenue for schools by playing an exhibition game against regional universities that was lauded by his peers. Your coach proposed paying amateur student athletes in revenue sports only.
TRC Responds: Wow, pay kids in revenue sports a small amount of money for the millions of dollars of revenue they bring in?!? What a horrible idea!!! I guess we could do it the way y’all innovated back in the 70s and 80s, and just pay all the players under the table. Should we link the NCAA report here?

Our Coach goes on national television after a huge win and says “I can’t think of a better place …than Death Valley, South Carolina!”. Your coach, after arguably the biggest win in school history, presents himself with the gameball.
TRC Responds:Please don’t start trying to compare accomplishments of Dabo Swinney with Steve Spurrier. You are embarrassing yourself.

Our Coach uses his bonus money from winning the ACC Championship to provide additional pay for his assistant coaches. Your coach became a member of Augusta National after signing his contract.
TRC Responds: Steve Spurrier took much less money then the market would bear when he came to South Carolina. Why? SO HIS ASSISTANTS COULD GET PAID MORE.   And you think Dabo would turn down an invitation to join the Augusta National? Stupid question, he’ll never have the chance.

Our program helped a scholarship athlete gain custody and care for his 11 year old little brother, then created an endowment to ensure his higher education. Your program frequently refuses to renew scholarships to players who aren’t deemed good enough to play. (Grayson Mullins, Bryce Sherman, Tramell Williams, Andrew Clifford, Seaver Brown, Kevin Young, ect…)
TRC Responds: Andrew Clifford, Seaver Brown and Kevin Young all graduated from USC, so not sure where you are headed with them. But you left out the little tidbit about Clemson kicking the Ray Ray guy off the team a year later. And since it seems to answer both issues you raised (The Ray Ray Saga, and the year-to-year nature of scholarships) we’ll provide you with a link to the Sports Illustrated story entitled “One child left behind: McElrathbeys deserved better from Bowden, Clemson” (Be warned, Clemson grads, the story is written on a sixth grade level, so it might be hard for you to follow).

Our coach leads the nation in APR (academic progress rate), your coach doesn’t even realize that 18 year-olds can vote (Greenville News 11/6/2012)
TRC Responds: We think you just made this stuff up. Here’s a link to the latest graduation figures we could find, and it looks like we both are doing ok, but have room to improve.

After the games, my four kids play football and soccer with scores of other kids while we continue to tailgate for hours. After your games, there are four armed robberies and a shooting (Clemson 2011), two mob assaults and another shooting (Mizzu 2012), felony DUI with a flipped car and 41 other arrests (Georgia 2012).
TRC Responds: Columbia, SC is a much bigger town than Clemson, so stats like this are easy to cite. But we poked around on the web and found a Clemson University campus crime report that shows 4 forcible rapes, 2 robberies, 10 assaults, 70 burglaries, 22 car thefts, 4 arsons, 341 liquor violations, 10 weapons charges, and 69 drug arrests. And these are just the recent reports from ON CAMPUS.

We suspended our best player for two games, including one of the biggest games of the season for a misdemeanor arrest for which he underwent PTI and had removed from his record. Your best player was arrested in 2/2007 for public intoxication (age 19) and again in March of that year for keying a professor’s car. In March of 2008 he was arrested for underage drinking and that same night had the police come to his dorm for pulling a fire alarm and discharging a fire extinguisher. He was suspended from practice for violating team rules during a bowl trip in December of 2010. And he was suspended again in April of 2011 for causing a disturbance at a SEC-mandated meeting, where he was reportedly intoxicated. Despite all this, he never missed a game until he was finally kicked off the team in October of 2011 for failing a substance abuse screening.
TRC Responds: Wait, I tripped over the part where you said Garcia was our best player. He was a starter, but he certainly wasn’t better than Lattimore, or Jeffrey, Ingram or Clowney, or Gilmore or – but yeah, Coach stuck by Garcia until the very end. Coach is loyal that way. I know that Jerri Spurrier, the Coach’s wife, shed many tears for Garcia as she personally tried help him with his demons. Sometimes you can only do so much, you know? But we try. We try.
Good news is, Stephen Garcia graduated. That’s right, he graduated. I’m always amazed when Clemson fans leave that part of his story out. He was kicked off the football team, but at least he has his degree to fall back on in the future.
Oh, and I must have missed it when you mentioned Clemson WR Joe Craig beating his girlfriend with an iron bar until she was bleeding. Dabo never mentioned it, and only later dismissed Craig from the team after ANOTHER incident where he beat a woman.
Oh, and I must have missed where you detailed the 2010 arrest of Clemson DE Jamie Cumbie. Cumbie was on campus when he ‘roided out and beat a fellow student, 6 inches shorter and 100 lbs smaller than him, so bad that the student had to have major reconstructive surgery on his face. I think the criminal charge was “Assault and Battery of a high and Aggravated nature” and it carries up to ten years in prison.
Speaking of Aggravated Assault, remember the name Deandre McDaniel? I can guarantee his ex girlfriend remembers him, since in 2008 he wrapped a comforter around her neck and choked her until she was unconscious. McDaniel may have been punished by Clemson, we aren’t sure, but he remained on the football team for two more seasons.
We could go on – a Clemson player has been arrested for beating on a smaller student or a female at least once a year going back as far as we can remember.

We won Southern Living’s “The South’s Best Tailgate” competition in 2012. South Carolina had a fan arrested for mooning the crowd at the LSU game in Baton Rouge 11/13/2012
TRC Responds: Hey, a good tailgate! That’s awesome! If Southern Living approved you must have had some cute napkins or coordinating picnic baskets or something. As for mooning LSU fans – if you ever played in the real Death Valley, you’d know that LSU fans appreciate a good mooning. Nudity is part of their culture. Ever heard of Bourbon Street in New Orleans?

When Marcus Lattimore was hurt, these were Coach Swinney’s comments: “It took my breath away. I was watching and it just breaks my heart. I mean, I just hurt for him and his family and his teammates. This is a guy that, to me, represents all the good things that college football should be about. He’s a guy I know personally. He’s a class young man and so is his family. I know how hard he has worked. “If there is anybody I would bet on it is Marcus Lattimore. I know it will be a long process, but I tell you what, I would put my money on Marcus Lattimore in a heartbeat. When he comes to terms with this, he will do everything he can to come back. My prayers go out to him and his family. I have been heavy-hearted for him. He is a winner in every regard. Hopefully we haven’t seen the last of him from a football standpoint. He has been a great representative for his family and his university. I will lift him up in my prayers.” Then Coach Spurrier had this to say at the celebration meant to honor Marcus Lattimore: “A lot of quotes came across the country and I read one today from the head coach at our upstate school,” Spurrier said at the rally, as if it was beneath him to mention Swinney or Clemson by name. “You know, that school that used to beat us a lot that doesn’t beat us much anymore, that one. Usually when that coach up there talks about South Carolina it’s a bunch of garbage and a bunch of BS usually.”
TRC Responds: It certainly is beneath Coach Spurrier to mention Clemson and/or Swinney by name. Well, maybe its ok if he followed the mention by saying “son” as in “Swinney, son, I done spanked you three times.” Etc.
As for the rest of this paragraph – yeah, ok, sounds good to us.

Clemson Memorial Stadium was named as the top venue in college football by Bleacher Report.com(2012), Williams-Brice Stadium was noted by the Wall Street Journal as having the shortest distance from the stadium to a Waffle House in the SEC (10/3/2012).
TRC Responds: Uh, Bleacher Report? You know that Bleacher Report is user-generated content, right? Put another way, I can upload a Bleacher Report story right now, and claim anything I want to claim. No one, and I mean NO ONE outside of the Clemson fanbase thinks Memorial Stadium is the top venue in college football. Top thirty, maybe. Top twenty? Eh, not so sure. Top Ten? No. Way.
Oh, and there is a Waffle House right down the street from the WB – is that bad?

In the end, it is probably a waste of time to respond to each of these nonsensical (and frequently unpunctuated) remarks from the anonymous, insecure, Clemsonite who originally penned this laughable missive.  But if you, gentle reader, are confronted with something along these lines over the Thanksgiving break, at least you will be prepared.

You’re welcome.

We should all agree that what the HBC said yesterday at the Lattimore Birthday/Pep Rally was inappropriate.  He shouldn’t have made the comments he made.  They weren’t factual, they were offered in the wrong spirit, and they didn’t take into account the full breadth and nature of the classic SC-CTU rivalry.

Accordingly, we would like to suggest the following dozen or so alternate comments that Spurrier should have made instead.  Perhaps someone, somewhere, will show these to him and he can be appropriately chastened and correctly edified:

TRC SUGGESTED ALTERNATIVES TO OFFENSIVE “GARBAGE AND BS” STATEMENTS:

1.  Sorry folks, I know we are supposed to all be here for Marcus, but I’ve got a bad case of the giggles.  Can’t stop laughing because there’s apparently a grown man named ‘Dabo’ out there somewhere.

2.  Clemson Sucks.  I mean it really, really, sucks.  The only reason the State of South Carolina doesn’t crack off at the Savannah River and flee away from the stink of Georgia is because Clemson is sucking so bad.

3.  Dabo is so stupid.  Do you know how stupid Dabo is?  He’s so stupid that he thinks the Death Valley in California and the Death Valley in Louisiana were both named after Clemson’s Memorial Stadium.  Which isn’t in a valley, by the way, its kind of carved out of the top of a hill, actually.  That’s how stupid he is.

4.  Hey, somebody ask Dabo if, when he wants to have breakfast with his mother, does he call her on the phone or does he still just nudge her?

5.  Dabo is so ignorant that he and Tajh Boyd think that Val Kilmer was in Varsity Blues.

6.  Dabo says the ‘Real Carolina’ is in Chapel Hill and the ‘Real USC’ is in California.  I’ve got a question for you:  What’s a ‘Real Dabo?’  Wait, I think I know the answer cause I just stepped on some.

7.  Everyone who wears orange is either stupid, inbred, or color blind.  Or some combination of those three.  Bunch of fat pumpkins wobbling around.  Its disgusting.

8.  I hear ol’ Dabo is a nature lover.  That’s right, he loves nature.  Which is awfully big of him, considering what nature did to him.  Oh and something something something about sheep.

9.  Some drink deep from the fountain of knowledge.  Dabo just gargles and spits up.

10.  If your head coach ever tells you he has to fly all the way to Nigeria to get a ball player, then you all three have a problem.

11.  Even with Hartwell, Keowee, and Jocassee, Dabo can’t find anywhere to water ski.  Yeah, turns out none of those lakes have a hill in them.

12.  We all need to feel bad for Dabo.  I understand he went to the doctor about his recurrent constipation.  The doctor asked if he had been taking his prescribed suppositories regularly.  Dabo responded angrily, “Yeah, what do you think I’ve been doing?  Sticking them up my ass?”

UPDATE:  Apparently there was no harm done by the HBC’s original comments.  Appears Dabo didn’t understand them anyway:

Dabo said he did not take offense to spurrier’s jab. “I think he was trying to pay me a compliment. I think. ”

— SportsTalk (@sportstalksc) October 30, 2012

Seriously. No words for what just happened.

Greatest gamecock ever.

Here are some quick, barely researched, not fully formed thoughts from last night’s 23-21 heartbreak in Baton Rouge:

Losing?  What’s Losing?  I can’t speak for the rest of Gamecock Nation, but I didn’t exactly handle last night’s defeat with grace.  Or class.  Heck, I didn’t even handle it with baseline adult maturity.  I think I’ll keep the details to myself; for fear that I lose all legitimacy with you, our gentle readers.

However, I suspect I’m not alone, eh?

But with the rising of the sun today came new perspective:  I think we Gamecocks have all become unfamiliar with losing, and that’s undoubtedly a good thing.  Makes the rare defeats sting a little harder, but I’d rather suffer through the occasionally sharp pain than endure that old slow week-to-week torture (the way Kentucky does, for example).

Streaking. Of the myriad storylines that preceded last night’s action, several involved active streaks.  LSU was riding a 21 or-something-God-awful streak of home wins, and hadn’t lost back-to-back games since 2008.  Carolina was riding the nation’s longest active win streak of ten games and had achieved its highest ranking since 1984.  There were other streaks on the line for both squads, but all you need to know is that basically all the LSU streaks are still active, and all the Carolina ones ended with a loud and calamitous thud.

Death Valley. The HBC made a few headlines last Tuesday when he by-accidently-on-purpose forgot about Clemson’s Memorial Stadium “Death Valley” nickname during his weekly presser.  I’m not sure he put a ton of thought into the comments, but any intention on his part to establish the Death Valley in Baton Rouge as the REAL Death Valley was right on point.  That place is evidently a nightmare.

Everything we did last night looked – I’ll use the HBC’s word – discombobulated. From getting our plays in on time, to calling audibles, to make on the fly defensive adjustments, we looked out of sync.  I think it’s safe to say the hostile environment played its part in those difficulties.

Interestingly, last night was only our fourth visit to the real Death Valley since joining the SEC.  With the current divisional format, we only make that trip once every five years, so it’s safe to say that few, if any, members of our roster had experience with the place.  Maybe the western teams get used to it, I don’t know, but we get reintroduced to the insanity only twice a decade, and I suspect that isn’t frequently enough to get comfortable.

X’s and O’s. Brent and Kirk seemed absolutely befuddled that we took the ball after winning the toss.  Don’t know what team they’ve been watching, as we have a pretty firm pattern established there.  Regardless, it worked out about how you’d expect it to in that environment, with a quick three and out.

Conversely, I think LSU had their first series scripted out perfectly.  It went against all our preconceptions about their tendencies as it was pass-pass-run instead of the opposite.  It made our defensive troops think, and as we all know, thinking can only hurt the ball club.  We were reeling from the beginning, and played on our heels all night.

Jimmy’s and Joe’s.  Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought LSU had numerous linemen that either quit or were injured in the last couple of weeks.  I expected an inexperienced and undersized group of bewildered trench men, but that’s not what the Tigers looked like to me.  Instead they looked like a big group of beef jerky sasquatches out there in yellow.  Not that we messed with ‘em too much, mind you.

Lattimore.  21 had no room.  It was clear that the LSU defenders were focused on him like a laser from the outset.  That being said, we all certainly thought the Oline could get a crease opened every now and then.  Alas, it was not to be.  Marcus made one big first down run and another TD dive and they were both 100% Marcus giving 1000% effort all on his own.

Right Handed.  Anyone else notice how often Shaw rolls to his right as opposed to rolling to his left?  Even on run plays it holds true:  On the speed option right he kept the ball for a good gain, but on the following play left he pitched quickly to Latti for minimal yardage.  Don’t know what it means, whether it’s a commentary on our left tackle or just Shaw’s preference, but it seems to me that a right handed QB could see more of the field if he rolled left.

Tale of two Damieres.  And two DL’s.  Both guys made big-time tough catches last week against Georgia, and then missed on very similar throws this week.   It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, I guess.

Hanging on.   The physicality of the Tigers was obvious, and our inability (or unwillingness) to respond in kind was painfully evident.  But still we somehow managed to hang in the game.  We led at the end of the 1^st quarter; we led again at the half.  Heck, we even led going into the final period, and but for an unusual Shaw overthrow/pick, we might have led when the clock hit 0:00.   No idea how we hung around with a team that was obviously better and in such a batcrap crazy environment.  But still we did, and that must speak to our team’s tenacity at least.

Moving on.  So let’s flush it. Forget it.  Move on.  And that should be easy as we have the third straight BIGGEST GAME IN OUR HISTORY coming up on Saturday down in Gainesville.  A win down there and we are right back on the inside track.

Go Cocks, beat the Gators!