What Spurrier Should Have Said

We should all agree that what the HBC said yesterday at the Lattimore Birthday/Pep Rally was inappropriate.  He shouldn’t have made the comments he made.  They weren’t factual, they were offered in the wrong spirit, and they didn’t take into account the full breadth and nature of the classic SC-CTU rivalry.

Accordingly, we would like to suggest the following dozen or so alternate comments that Spurrier should have made instead.  Perhaps someone, somewhere, will show these to him and he can be appropriately chastened and correctly edified:

TRC SUGGESTED ALTERNATIVES TO OFFENSIVE “GARBAGE AND BS” STATEMENTS:

1.  Sorry folks, I know we are supposed to all be here for Marcus, but I’ve got a bad case of the giggles.  Can’t stop laughing because there’s apparently a grown man named ‘Dabo’ out there somewhere.

2.  Clemson Sucks.  I mean it really, really, sucks.  The only reason the State of South Carolina doesn’t crack off at the Savannah River and flee away from the stink of Georgia is because Clemson is sucking so bad.

3.  Dabo is so stupid.  Do you know how stupid Dabo is?  He’s so stupid that he thinks the Death Valley in California and the Death Valley in Louisiana were both named after Clemson’s Memorial Stadium.  Which isn’t in a valley, by the way, its kind of carved out of the top of a hill, actually.  That’s how stupid he is.

4.  Hey, somebody ask Dabo if, when he wants to have breakfast with his mother, does he call her on the phone or does he still just nudge her?

5.  Dabo is so ignorant that he and Tajh Boyd think that Val Kilmer was in Varsity Blues.

6.  Dabo says the ‘Real Carolina’ is in Chapel Hill and the ‘Real USC’ is in California.  I’ve got a question for you:  What’s a ‘Real Dabo?’  Wait, I think I know the answer cause I just stepped on some.

7.  Everyone who wears orange is either stupid, inbred, or color blind.  Or some combination of those three.  Bunch of fat pumpkins wobbling around.  Its disgusting.

8.  I hear ol’ Dabo is a nature lover.  That’s right, he loves nature.  Which is awfully big of him, considering what nature did to him.  Oh and something something something about sheep.

9.  Some drink deep from the fountain of knowledge.  Dabo just gargles and spits up.

10.  If your head coach ever tells you he has to fly all the way to Nigeria to get a ball player, then you all three have a problem.

11.  Even with Hartwell, Keowee, and Jocassee, Dabo can’t find anywhere to water ski.  Yeah, turns out none of those lakes have a hill in them.

12.  We all need to feel bad for Dabo.  I understand he went to the doctor about his recurrent constipation.  The doctor asked if he had been taking his prescribed suppositories regularly.  Dabo responded angrily, “Yeah, what do you think I’ve been doing?  Sticking them up my ass?”

UPDATE:  Apparently there was no harm done by the HBC’s original comments.  Appears Dabo didn’t understand them anyway:

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3 Responses to What Spurrier Should Have Said

  1. Was listening to sports talk radio and Clemson fans calling in were angry toward Spurrier about his comments. If you listen to them, it was a pep rally and a pro-Carolina crowd. Of course taking a jab at Clemson always works in that environment. Plus it was not a memorial service for Lattimore. It was a rally!

    Further, what if Dabo said this about Carolina. Clemson fans would not complain. What is Sabin said this about Auburn? What is Meyer took a swipe at Michigan? What if Williams takes a swipe at Duke? Rivalries are all about this type of action.

  2. Mona Dickson says:

    Actually, it was a birthday party for Marcus Lattimore and the focus should have been on that, not the Carolina Clemson rivalry. I am a die hard Carolina fan and think Spurrier has done a great job as head coach of Carolina. That being said, I think his comments were inappropriate at that venue as they came as a response to Swinney’s kind comments regarding Lattimore’s knee injury and wishing him the best. There are plenty of other opportunities before THE GAME for jabs. Just sayin!

  3. Alan Smithee says:

    Clemson is a racist college founded by Ben Tillman, the Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, on land donated by Thomas Greene Clemson. It was founded as an all-white college in response to USC agreeing to admit African-Americans after the Civil War. It is still a racist university, with 94% of its enrollment caucasian (US News & World Report 2011). It would still be 100 % white if Frank Howard had not made his famous speech asking the trustees to let him “use ni**ers to play football for Clemson the way their great grandfathers used ni**ers to pick cotton”.

    Don’t start feeling bad for Dabo or Clemson over a few rivalry comments. Dabo’s comments were not because he cared…he was just being politically correct with the media. Clemson’s athletic Dept has thrived on the “Good Ol Boy” system and doing things under the table. They deserve all the insults we can heap on them.

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