So the week just slipped away, didn’t it?  You’ve been so busy reading online recaps and watching video replays of the latest Carolina victory over Georgia that you’ve neglected to give any attention whatsoever to the game tomorrow, right?

Well, allow us to condense a week’s worth of worry into one short essay.

Let’s get you all ‘boned up on the Vanderbilt Commodores:

Remember, these are actual colleges with actual students:

Vanderbilt University is a coeducational, research university located in Nashville, Tennessee.  Vandy, as its often called, holds the distinction of being the only private school in the Southeastern Conference, and only one of three SEC schools (Florida and Missouri are the others) to belong to the prestigious Association of American Universities.   The school was founded as Central College during the reconstruction era, only to be rechristened after a well-meaning Yankee billionaire dropped some major coin in an effort to heal the regional differences that plagued the times.  Either that, or he did it to shut up his new wife’s crazy relatives. 

In what is only one example of its bizarre and unfocused marketing efforts,  Vanderbilt recently adopted an official logo that involves a block capital “V”, overlaying what appears to be an oak leaf with a misshapen penis.  Or not, I went to Carolina, so botany isn’t my strong suit.

 The weirdest thing about them:

A few years back, someone in the PR department at Vandy came up with the slogan “Anchor Down” for the ‘Dores.  They use it sort of like “Roll Tide!” or “Go Dawgs!” but without any pesky winning tradition behind it.    They put it on Tshirts, behind hashtags, and even on their football field.

Now I’m no marketing guru (that’s Buck) but it seems to me that “Anchor Down” is pretty weak for a rally cry.  First, I get the nautical theme – they are the Commodores after all – but dropping anchor is not a particularly heroic image. “Damn the torpedoes,” “We have met the enemy and they are ours’,” or “I have not yet begun to fight” are more in the spirit of nautically themed rallying cries (those are from Farrigut, Perry, and Jones, respectively).  Ever heard of someone sailing into a battle and screaming to the crew to drop the anchor?

Neither have I.

“Anchor Down” also connotes an idea of stasis, rigidness, and inability to react quickly.  None of these concepts seem to fit with athletics.

Unless we are talking about sumo wrestling.

Of course, my university’s performed the same “Cock in a Box” magic trick  every week for the past thirty years, so maybe I’m not the best judge.  Those that live in glass hen houses should probably not throw stones. . .

Moving on:

From a Gamecock point of view, the Vanderbilt football program is a decidedly mixed proposition.  On one hand, the ‘Dores have almost always given us much-needed solace and perspective:  If they were gonna finish dead last in the conference every year, at least we couldn’t, right?  But the practical reality has been that our games with Vandy are usually nip-and-tuck affairs where we tend to merely survive instead of triumph.   Particularly when we play in Nashville.

One wrinkle to watch for this year:

New Vandy head screw Derek Mason comes with an impressive resume, including stints with the NFL’s Minnesota Vikings and The PAC12’s Stanford Cardinal.  He’s known for a punishing, physical style of football on both offense and defense.   Understandably, this year’s squad is struggling to make the transition from the finesse/spread approach it utilized under James Franklin.  Sooner, or hopefully later, this is going to be a good football team.

But on the other hand, this year’s team was the last Division One program to score an offensive touchdown.

Read that again.

We should run them out of the ballpark, right?

Unless we don’t.

But anyway. . . .

That player you are going to hate:

It’s Vandy.  You’re not gonna hate any of these guys.

The Enigma:

Patrick Robinette, quarterback.  He came off the bench last week against UMass to lead the ‘Dores to a dramatic come-from-behind victory.  Well, that’s a pretty generous way to put it, but he did score their first offensive touchdown of the season on a QB dive-turned-leap.  He might be legit, but the sample size is too small (only 27 passes to date) and the competition too weak (Umass was 0-2 coming in) for us to draw any substantial conclusions.

The Ingenue:

Freshman running back Ralph Webb.  This true freshman looks like the workhorse for Vanderbilt so far this season.  He’s averaging 20 carries and over 90 yards a game in his three starts.

The thing that will tell the tale:

This is not a good offensive football team right now.  Can we get some three-and-outs?

If we can’t stop these guys, we probably can’t stop anybody.

William Carlos Williams explains further:

so much depends
upon

The Vanderbilt

Commodores

They lost

to Temple

Surely we can

Ezra Pound them

I forgot to mention:

Really, I think that’s everything.  I think you are all ‘bonzed up!

 

The Georgia Bulldogs.  U-G-A.  The Dawgs.  The Silver Britches.  The Redcoats.

Call ’em what you will, but they are coming to the WB on Saturday afternoon.

Our annual tilt with the Canines Rouge et Noir (no one calls them THAT) has grown in both importance and vitriol over the last few years.  What was once a regional border clash, with only intense partisans in and around the Augusta, Georgia area, has now become one of the great traditional contests in the SEC.  The winner of the game, year in and year out, should be in the driver’s seat for the East title.

Or the loser, doesn’t matter.

Not so familiar with this year’s edition of the Georgia Bulldogs?  Well, its time for some ‘boning up:

Remember, these are actual colleges with actual students:

The University of Georgia is a public, coeducational, land grant institution in Athens, Georgia.  “UGa” as it is universally known, has the distinction of being one of the handful of public colleges in the United States that is actually older than our circa 1801 University. The school has just over 30,000 undergraduates, making it roughly the same size as Carolina.

The school’s official motto is Et docere et rerum exquirere causas, which roughly translated means something about knowledge or learning causing something or other.  Sorry, latin was never my strong suit.   I’m sure its important, and I’m equally sure that its on the lips of every student that doesn’t walk through the iconic, forbidden Arch on campus.

[Help me out, gentle reader, and insert something here that you happen to know about REM, the B52s, the Indigo Girls, or maybe even James Brown, just  to add some human interest to this section.  Thanks.]

 The weirdest thing about them:

Georgia has a bell they ring (at some point), an arch they walk under (at some point), and a guy that plays the trumpet in the upper deck (at some point).   They also have an institutional-sanctioned puppy mill in Savannah, Georgia that apparently can’t produce a healthy, all-white bulldog.  But the single weirdest thing about them has to be the wide-spread hatred they have of their other mascot, Hairy Dog.   Every Georgia fan over the age of ten will roll their eyes at the very mention of his name.  In many cases they will quickly launch into a ten minute exposition on how Hairy Dog is not really the mascot, he’s just a “costumed character” “loosely affiliated with the athletic department.”  Uga, they insist, is the “official LIVE mascot” which really makes me shudder to think about what is underneath the Hairy Dog headpiece (The Walking Dead is filmed in Georgia, after all).

Oh, and they all HATE HATE HATE Steve Spurrier.  Which isn’t really weird per se, but it bears mentioning.

Moving on:

Every year, Georgia manages to out-recruit everyone else.   That is to say, unless “everyone else” means Alabama and/or teams that get sick of losing to Alabama and decide to blatantly pay for their players [cough] Auburn [cough].  Despite their recruiting prowess, however, the Bulldogs somehow manage to avoid winning many SEC titles, or even middling bowl games.

Regardless, all the talent they’ve stockpiled does show itself from time to time, and they are legitimately two deep with SEC size and speed at every position.  Their coaching staff is headed by Mark Richt, who is an unexcitable (and unexciting) individual who manages to squeeze exactly 79% of the potential out of every 5 star recruit he signs.

This year’s version of the Bulldogs is strong on both lines, has athletic linebackers, and sports a stable of running backs that never ends.  Potential weaknesses include a Senior QB with little experience, a M.A.S.H. unit at wide receiver, and substantial inexperience in the defensive secondary.  The Gamecocks share two of those three weaknesses, however.

One wrinkle to watch for this year:

Conventional wisdom provides that the Gamecocks should stack the box with defenders and dare the Bulldogs to throw.  Since such an approach would place our inexperienced cornerbacks out on lonely islands where they can get into very public trouble, I expect Georgia to start out trying to throw the ball.  Short passes and/or screens have met with better than average success against us thus far, and would serve to open up the running lanes sooner or later.

Unless I’m overthinking it (which no one has ever accused Mark Richt of doing), in which case the Dawgs may just pound the rock straight at us.

Unless they don’t.

But anyway. . . .

That player you are going to hate:

Senior fullback Taylor Maxey.  When starting fullback Merritt Hall was forced to give up football just weeks before the start of the 2014 season, many Dawg fans fretted about finding a suitable replacement.  The answer came in the way of a rarely used, veteran walkon wearing #47.    If you didn’t notice him in the Georgia/Clemson game, I guarantee you that the Tiger linebacking corps did.  Maxey was the lead blocker for three touchdown gallops, and he was throwing himself at anything orange all night.  Expect more of the same in our game – well, except this time with garnet.   You’re gonna hate him.

The Enigma:

Hutson Mason, quarterback.  How good is this guy?  Or how bad?  The sample size is too small to say at this point.  He managed a thrilling double-overtime comeback win over Georgia Tech last year, and then proceeded to faceplant against Nebraska in the Gator Bowl.  He played at a good, solid, underwhelming level against Clemson, so perhaps he’s due for a turnover or five against us.

The Ingenue:

Freshman running back Nicholas Cornelius Chubb.  He’s a blistering little load, hard to tackle, and he’s even faster than David Pollack’s mysterious weight-loss (<——–This is an oblique reference to performance-enhancing drugs).

The thing that will tell the tale:

Georgia won against Clemson because they wore the Tigers down in the second half by played field position and old-school football.  Can we rotate enough defensive players and/or maintain offensive drives long enough to avoid the same fate?

William Carlos Williams explains further:

so much depends
upon

seventeen’s

play

not the one on
defense

the one who throws

high and hard

I forgot to mention:

Some guy named Todd Gurley.  Don’t worry, he’s all everyone else is talking about.

OK, consider yourself all ‘bonzed up on the Dawgs!

Our scene opens on Thursday, early afternoon, where Tbone is trying to concentrate on his work:

Workday is finally done, need to stop at the store for some necessary game supplies:

Man, this pregame SEC Network coverage is getting our hero FIRED UP:

The Big Game is finally underway, but what is wrong with the Gamecock defense?

Halftime, and not a moment too soon.  Need some liquid courage for the 3rd quarter.

Game resumes.  Wait, where are our defensive adjustments?  How can we be this woefully putrid?   ARRRRRGGGHHHHHH.

During his post game crash, Tbone remembers that Clemson has yet to play.  They could even win.

Friday, back at work.  Tiger fans are EVERYWHERE.

Saturday afternoon, Georgia/Clemson is underway, and its anybody’s ballgame.

Suddenly, Mssr. Gurley breaks a 100 yard kick return straight up the middle:

UGa plays field position, brings defensive pressure, and then grinds and pounds the rock.

Balance restore, Tbone feels at one with the universe:

– fin –

Well, we made it.

When the game clock in Orlando hit triple zeroes on New Year’s Day last, we entered a dark time without Gamecock football. A dark, dingy, flophouse of time, with only vague practice reports and you tube videos to keep our baying hunger for college football in check.

But now months have given way to weeks, weeks to days, and days to creeping hours. Soon, gentle reader – so very, very soon – the waiting will be over.

And the frenetic worrying energy will crescendo with an actual live football contest.

In the meantime, some background on our week one opponent: The Aggies of Texas A&M.

Remember, these are actual colleges with actual students:

Texas A&M is a coeducational land-grant university located deep in the Louisiana part of Texas. A relative youngster compared to Carolina, the college was founded just yesterday. Yesterday being a relative term and denoting a crisp autumn morning in 1876, of course. The school boasts an enrollment of nearly 60,000 students (almost exactly TWICE our size) and includes a corps of cadets within its larger student body. The Aggies, as they are called, put the corps front and center of almost everything they do, which is a good thing I guess, except for . . .

 The weirdest thing about them:

I don’t know what to say.  Except it seems . . . .well, off somehow.  It ain’t SEC, that’s for sure.   Cheerleaders are supposed to look and act like cheerleaders, even the male ones.  These guys seem like that overzealous guy in your fraternity that got a little too into the songs and the ceremonies.  You know the one.

You don’t?

Ugh. Then it was you.

 Moving on:

The Aggies’ head man is Kevin Sumlin, a genial and well-respected young coach with blood lines that run back to Joe Tiller at Purdue.  He played college ball on the defensive side of things, but after exposure to Tiller’s passing attack, as well as tutelage under Mike Leach and Mike Sherman, he’s become something of an offensive guru.  Expect a version of the AirRaid offense – with quick passes out of the spread being their bread and butter.  Sumlin likes to get his playmakers out in space.

One wrinkle to watch for this year:

The above-described tendency notwithstanding, look for Sumlin to open with a surprisingly large barrage of running plays.  He’s starting a red shirt freshman in his first road game, and he graduated his top wide receivers.  The Oline is supposed to be a strength, so I’d wager they attempt to pound our Dline, at least at first.  Something to watch for, anyway.

That player you are going to hate:

Aggies Tight End Cameron Clear.  He’s gonna be in the slot.  He’s gonna run block at the line.  He’s gonna set up at Hback and block in the running game.  He’s big, he’s strong, and he supposedly has great hands.  You’re gonna hate him.

 The Enigma:

The Aggies are like every other team in college football nowadays; they have a kid they describe as “The Next Jadeveon Clowney.”  He’s true freshman Myles Garrett, a highly ranked defensive end out of Arlington, TX.  I don’t think he’s starting the game, but look for him in early and often as TAMU tries to rattle Dylan Thompson.

 The Ingenue:

Coming out of spring practice, Aggieland was all atwitter over true freshman wide out, Speedy Noil.  The number one rated WR out of high school last year, Speedy sprinted right past his own senior prom and streaked to the top of the TAMU post-spring depth chart.

 The thing that will tell the tale:

Which defense is able to slow down (even a little) the other offense?  The Aggies have struggled on the defensive side of the ball as of late, but they believe a new crop of top rated recruits are going to show improvement.  We’ve got our own players to replace, and we are insisting on moving a senior strong safety over to corner this year, which is never a good sign.

If one defense can find a way to throw the opposing offense off, even for a couple of series, then you might see a lead of two or three scores develop.  That makes the offense press harder, and pressing leads to mistakes.

William Carlos Williams explains further:

so much depends
upon

a big ol’
backer

can he create
pressure

and disrupt the
offense?

I forgot to mention:

Johnny Manziel in a TAMU discussion.  Aw crap, I just did.

OK, consider yourself all ‘bonzed up on Texas A&M.  Happy College Football Eve!

Let’s go ahead and address your first question: Yes, we TRC guys do READ. Sometimes we even read for fun. Well, not the Gman, but that’s a long, boring, contract-laden story for another day.

Through an impressively comic series of Christmas re-giftings, I became the proud owner of Greg Easterbrook’s recent work, The King of Sports: Football’s Impact on America. After eliminating every possible alternative short of cleaning my andirons, I sat down one rainy spring day not long ago and began reading Mssr. Easterbrook as he opined on my favorite sport, college football.

One thing was quickly apparent: our man Greg is NOT a fan of the game. Well, at least not in its current manifestation. His specific thesis can be summarized thusly: Football, on every level of play, involves too much money, not enough education, and oh Frank Beamer is just so DREAMY, isn’t he??? And noble. And honest. And has never done anything bad, EVER. He has never, according to our author, as much as burped at the dinner table.

Ok, I made those last couple of details up, but they feel true.

It is true that, as a part of his research, Easterbrook spent time hanging around the Hokie football program, and apparently proceeded to have his pants charmed off by the old man in charge.

A few examples: He goes on and on about how Beamer and his staff care more about creating noble young citizens, and less about pesky details like winning. He then completely downplays the troubles of one Michael Vick, or his brother Marcus, or any of the other three dozen football names from recent Blacksburg police blotters. Just google “Virginia Tech arrests” and settle in for a nice long story of assaults, drugs, and larcenies to see the massive breadth of Easterbrook’s VPI blind spot.

In another example, Easterbrook claims that Frank Beamer eschews the normal police escort college coaches traditionally require because, gosh, he’s such a normal, everyman, nice guy. He then later casually drops in a tiny locker room bon mote that was relayed to him by the POLICEMAN ASSIGNED TO COACH BEAMER.

South Carolina and the Upstate Team both get a few mentions, but only in passing. Here’s a couple of quotes on our Gamecocks: “For example, the University of South Carolina, one the SEC colleges that is synonymous with great football and lax academics . . . .” and “The NCAA lowered the boom on Hampton University and North Carolina A&T but took no action on the University of South Carolina, a mega-money sports mecca that finished 2012 ranked eighth but graduates fewer than half its African-American football players.”

Its probably asking too much for Easterbrook to research the incredible progress Carolina has made with graduation rates in the past ten years.  Its also a tall order for him to know about our recent innovations such as football specific nutrition and the Dodie Academic Center.  Or that we are second only to Missouri in academic progress rate.  Instead, he just sees us as a super rich football powerhouse.  Gosh, Greg, go easy. We’re BLUSHING over here.

But to return to the main point; Easterbrook does make a strong argument for reform on several fronts, many of which aren’t completely crazy:

1) Six year scholarships for Division I football players. If you don’t make it to the BIGS, you still have time to get your degree. <–good idea
2) Blah, Blah, Blah something about student activity fees.
3) College Football rankings should factor in graduation rates. Stop laughing, he’s serious.
4) NCAA sanctions should follow the coach and not the school. <–needs more detail, but anything that Lane Kiffin would hate is probably a good start.
5) Don’t graduate your players? Well, you get a year’s suspension, coach, without pay. <–also a good concept, but how do you factor in strange juxtapositions like C.J. Spiller’s Honor Graduate status and his record low Wonderlic score?
6) Coaching bonus should only be for academic results. <–see above
7) Bowls, booster clubs, and stadium funds should lose their not-for-profit designation. <–eh, OK.
8) Helmet to Helmet should earn a one game suspension. <–Ok, that one’s DONE.
9) The 3 point stance should be eliminated.
10) Something about mouth guards. And helmets. And both are probably true.
11) End year-round football in high school. Also probably true.
12) No tackling until your reach eight grade. <–OK.
13) And a bunch of stuff about the NFL that sounds just fine to me.  Really, who would even care?

Other than the safety stuff, which was tedious but undoubtedly also reasonable, needed reform, Easterbrook is at his best when he aims his ire at the NFL oft-quoted TV disclaimer, “the use of this broadcast without the express written consent . . .”  He points out, quite profoundly, that the League shouldn’t have this kind of monopoly on the rights to an open-air event that is held in a publicly-financed stadium and arranged by a nonprofit, tax-free entity.

Right on, Greg!  Power to the people!

In the end, Easterbook does a good job in outlining some of the shortcomings of the game of football.  Skip all the Beamer love stuff (equaling approximately one third of the book) and get a strong refresher course on  all that ills the sport we love.

Oh, and he hates Alabama.

Now if we could just get him to poke around a little up at Clemson . . . .

so much depends upon

a scant twelve seconds

look at me, I’m talking

you something, something, something.

Quick reflections all things gamecockery from the last week:

Love the Sinner, But Hate the Sin:   We all learned yesterday that Head BB Coach Frank Martin has earned himself a game off for some much-needed R&R.  This outburst, which some folks seem to believe is a tad excessive, resulted in a forced vacation from the regular season finale.  Gotta be honest here, folks: I don’t see this as a big deal.  I’m a pretty good lip reader, and its clear to me that Frank is politely inquiring as follows: “Hey, Duane, you mentioned the other day that you might need a lift to your podiatrist appointment tomorrow.  You want to text me in the a.m. or something so I can plan the rest of my day?  OK?  Sounds good, buddy.”

The Ten Second Rule is Dead, and I Don’t Feel So Good Myself:  Seriously never understood all the hoopla about this proposal.  The game changes.  That’s its only consistent feature.  These hurry up offenses are obviously  impacting the way the game is played, so shouldn’t the governing body at least consider a reasonable response?  Rather than some artificial clock deadline, I’d suggest a simpler approach: just have the ref stand over the ball for a beat or two more and give both sides a chance to at least look like they are set.  This is supposed to be a football game, not a see-who-can-punk-the-other-guy-best deal.

Yardcocks Continue to Roll:  Your intrepid blogger usually tries to suspend excitement (even interest) in the baseball team until post-SEC tournament, at the earliest.  But this year I find myself all swept up in the excitement.  Of course, so did the Clemson Tigers, if you take my meaning, har-har-har.

Horsecocks Continue to Dominate: Ranked #1 in the nation for 13 straight weeks, and now set to face Auburn for the SEC championship.  Oh and the equestrian ladies got several members of our football team to pose awkwardly on some very overwrought horses.

WBB is WOW:   Direct all your clicks hither.

Shaw Me Your TVs:  One last, fond, look at the greatest quarterback in Gamecock history:

  Note how Connor is so poised and polished in front of the crowd.  Really looks comfortable, ready for prime time, doesn’t he?  Big change in demeanor from the nervous kid that first talked with local reporters back in 2010.

r/cfb/ Thread of the Week:  This photo, posted by an Auburn fan (of all people).  A postapocalyptic view of the WB?  Or an epic view of downtown Detroit?  We aren’t sure, and the composition is a tad off, but its a cool concept nonetheless.

The Upstate School continues to do such Upstate School Things.   [Sigh]   It’s so one-sided now, that the HBC no longer even says the word “Clemson” anymore, and we are going to follow suit.    Well, from now on, anyway.  We won’t say “Clemson” that is.  Starting now.

Oh, and Spring Practice started, or didn’t, or at least kinda did, it was hard to tell.