The Transitive Property Report – Week 2

Chubb Comin' (Photo: ESPN)
Chubb Comin’ (Photo: ESPN)

The season took an unexpectedly brutal turn Saturday night. The prospects for even a respectable (read: .500) season are looking somewhat bleak. So if you didn’t like last week’s TPR, you’re probably not gonna like this one either. But we soldier on.

Week 2 Results:

North Carolina (1-1) – Beat North Carolina A&T 53-14. I honestly did not see this score until I looked it up last night. I didn’t even think UNC played.

TPR for UNC: Yawn. Even if they turn out to be halfway decent, a win over North Carolina doesn’t help us now.

Kentucky (2-0) – Beat South Carolina 26-22. Kentucky picked up their third SEC win in two years (two over us, one over Vandy) and stopped a 22-game road SEC losing streak. I honestly cannot take anything positive from this performance.

TPR for Kentucky: I don’t Kentucky is any better than they were last year, I just think we’re worse. They’ll still struggle to get to bowl eligibility. Have fun in Birmingham, Wildcats.

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Georgia (2-0) – Beat Vanderbilt 31-14. I mean to tell you, Georgia fans are downright MISERABLE after their 17-point road win last week. I wish a 17-point road win was why I was miserable.

TPR for Georgia: Led by All-American Nick Chubb (to whom Steve Spurrier was unwilling to lend any of his precious, precious time…twice) the Dogs have more than enough weapons to dispose of us on Saturday.  However, their lack of solid QB play will keep them out of the national conversation. Which will probably lead to more highly insecure blog posts like this one.

Central Florida (0-2) – Lost to Stanford 31-7. You’ll always have 2013 UCF.

TPR for UCF: Gamecocks will sweep the leg to move to 2-2.

Missouri (2-0) – Beat Arkansas State 27-20. Mizzou is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Games like this one and Indiana from last year are the reason we are reluctant to give them the credit they may or may not deserve.

TPR for Missouri: I just can’t bring myself to give up hope on this one. I think it’s a toss-up.

LSU (1-0) – Beat Mississippi State 21-19. LSU finally got to play a real ball game, and they were impressive at times, but still had to eke out a win over a tough Mississippi State team.

TPR for LSU: I liked us at home before last weekend. Can’t really say I feel that way any more. LSU is bigger, faster, stronger and more talented. And they will score more points than us.

Vanderbilt (0-2) – Lost to Georgia 31-14. I didn’t watch the game so I need to go find out how Vandy scored 14 points.

TPR for Vanderbilt: Trust me, they will give us fits with their defense, but we will win. If we don’t, Spurrier might quit during the post-game press conference.

Texas A&M (2-0) – Beat Ball State 56-23. TAMU has scored 94 points against one good opponent and one average opponent. We have scored 39 points against two average to below average opponents.

TPR for Texas A&M: Bloodbath and beyond.

Tennessee (1-1) – Lost to Oklahoma 31-24 in OT. I was so happy to see UT lose so we can stop asking if Tennessee is back for about ten minutes.

TPR for Tennessee: They might not be “back”, but they’re back enough to handle us at Neyland.

Florida (2-0) – Beat East Carolina 31-24. The big story was not the game or the outcome, but the ass chewing Jim McIlwain gave Kelvin Taylor after his throat-slash gesture. I enjoyed that because it reminded me of how I used to talk to the third-grade team I coached. Exactly.

TPR for Florida: This could be Steve Spurrier’s last chance for a significant win in Williams-Brice. I think he will call his best game of the year and the ‘Cocks will win going away.

The Citadel (2-0) – Beat Western Carolina 28-10. The Bulldogs look like a pretty darn good FCS team so far.

TPR for The Citadel: Let’s see, watch us play a triple-option team or stick bamboo shoots under my fingernails. Hmm, tough call.

Clemson (2-0) – Beat Appalachian State 41-10. You folks with the inability to give the Tigers any credit for anything will point out they haven’t played anybody yet, but I have to say I’ve been impressed with them so far. Their first “big” test is tonight against 0-2 Louisville. Notre Dame is down a starting QB, and Florida State has been less than impressive. Georgia Tech might be the only team standing in the way of an undefeated regular season for Clemson.

TPR for Clemson: Pretty much more talented than us across the board. We’ll be hanging our hopes on wings and prayers, but as we all know anything can happ… /hit by meteorite

Projected final record: 6-6

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