Guest Post: In the Company of Idiots, or, How to Deal With Clemson Fans

Friend of the blog Layla will be periodically joining us this season with her unique perspective on the Gamecocks. Here is her first installment of 2013. (Although her journalistic credibility takes a hit when she calls us “gentlemen”.)

Before recording their Week 1 podcast, the gentlemen of TRC (put that on a t-shirt) took to social media to probe the minds of their “fans,” looking to discuss those hot-button issues on everyone’s mind.

If you tuned in, you’ll remember a question posed by a dynamic go-getter regarding dealing with those “a-hole” fans of that school in the upstate. If you didn’t tune in, go check it out. I’ll wait.

It’s been a concern for those of us that have the misfortune of forced interactions with Clemson fans, whether it’s at work, church, or ordering at your favorite lunch place. I don’t want to hear about your three-point “domination” over Georgia, I just want to know if I can substitute for a side salad. Get your life together.

Who were we pulling for in the UGA-Clemson game? This guy.
Who were we pulling for in the UGA-Clemson game? This guy.

Prior to the opening weekend, a few of those Clemson fans I work with asked which team I’d be pulling for; turns out they didn’t appreciate “Bane” as an answer. (C’mon, we’re all thinking it.) In all seriousness, it was hard to root for either team. But it was just too hard to support Clemson, knowing the next work week would be miserable. And it was.

Their fan base is already plagued with delusions of grandeur, and now, having two SEC victories in a row has only served to inflate that ego to dangerous levels. Not dangerous for them, mind you, but for me; though I suppose that also pose some danger to them. I don’t know that I can survive the rest of the season constantly hearing these people go on and on about how they should be in the SEC and that this is going to be their year and wahwah wah wahwahwah wah wah

After our 41-30 loss to Georgia this weekend, I knew this week would be even more frustrating.

However, I couldn’t fathom just how difficult it would be until a coworker greeted me Monday morning with “Hey, loser.” From there it was a steady, downward spiral of nonsensical taunting, as it dawned on me that these people have no idea what they’re talking about. Do you know how aggravating it is to listen to people blather on when they can’t grasp the importance of play-calling?

We all deal with such trials in different ways. When faced with scenarios like this, I find laughter really is the best medicine. It’s either that or copious amounts of beer, but since this is primarily a work issue that’s not really an option until 5:30. So, here are some fun ways you can not only avoid their mindless prattle, but even have some fun with them!

  1. They’re SEC killers? Well, they have beaten two SEC teams in a row. Just politely remind them why that’s not three in a row.
  2. They love what Dabo’s been doing in the upstate? Me too! I especially love what he’s done in Columbia. Lose, in case that’s unclear for them.
  3. I’d like to know when a three-point win became domination. (Be careful with this, as they’re likely to throw 63-17 into the discussion.)
  4. Chances are you won’t need to say anything because they won’t stop talking anyway. Just let them drone on and go about your business. I managed to get up and pour another cup of coffee while “listening” to someone’s assessment of the game. This is especially easy if the speaker is pretentious enough to close their eyes when they talk.
  5. Learn this line: Georgia cared more about beating us than Clemson, and prepared for it. You don’t even need to believe this, but it’s been my experience that this will get them foaming at the mouth. At this point, let them continue sputtering out the shade of a complete thought and go get another cup of coffee.
  6. Sometimes, I like to slowly raise my hand and hold up four fingers. If they keep talking, I’ll start twitching my thumb. This really only works if they’ve heard “Fear the Thumb” before.

Now, this doesn’t guarantee silence. Actually, silence is unlikely. Blind rage is probably what you’re going to get, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hilarious. So sit back, have a laugh, and grab a drink. The season is far from over.

5 thoughts on “Guest Post: In the Company of Idiots, or, How to Deal With Clemson Fans

  1. We have one of the biggest Clemson fans I have ever seen at our work. Before the Georgia game, we were discussing why South Carolina fans are so excited about our team (as a UNC fan was there and was wondering how SC fans can be so passionate after years of mediocre teams). The Clemson fan said that SC fans are delusional and that we have to be excited since we have never had success like this. Clemson, he said, has always enjoyed success including a national championship. When we asserted our four in a row over Clemson he said that he could point to many such winning steaks over SC by Clemson. He told the UNC fan that Dabo has accomplished in five years what it took Spurrier 9 years at SC. He pointed out that SC has no SEC titles while Clemson can point to numerous ACC titles.

    As you can see, this is what I have to deal with. His car is full of Clemson decals, he walks around with a Clemson book-bag, and every year brags that Clemson is an elite program. With their win over UGA and SC State combined with our loss to UGA, he is now convinced that this is the year of the Tiger. He sees nothing to stop Clemson from playing for the national title.

    1. Please accept my deepest condolences. You, my friend, deserve some credit for handling this in a respectful manner.

      The beauty of college football is that teams are always changing. Players come in and then graduate, coaches come and go. The Carolina team on the field now is not the same team as ten years ago. Sure, there are some former Clemson players reliving the glory year of a National Championship as they regale some bored bartender with their story. But there’s no one on that team right now that knows what it’s like to beat South Carolina.

      I don’t know how he compares Dabo to Spurrier, at least with a straight face. After Dabo’s rant about South Carolina being a fake USC and listing all the accomplishments of Clemson, someone pointed out that it almost sounded like he was reading Spurrier’s resume.

  2. I usually don’t comment on articles but here’s my two cents…

    1. To add onto your first point, Clemson had a month to prepare for their 1 point bowl game “domination” over LSU and 8 months to prepare for their 3 point “domination” over UGA. If only all SEC teams were given that much time to prepare for one another, instead of facing each other week in, week out. Such a shame. Just let them enjoy it because this is the only thing they can celebrate due to the fact that there is one SEC team they would like to beat and they haven’t been successful with that for the past 4 years.

    2. I agree with your 5th point about UGA caring more about beating an inconference opponent rather than their opener against a top 10 team. However, I think we can all agree that the Aaron Murray who showed up for week 2 was a completely different QB than the one who lost to Clemson week 1.

    3. Additionally, Clowney has not been putting up the numbers that we are all expecting (thank you ESPN hype) but it is ludicrous to think that he didn’t have a total impact on our first two games. UNC and UGA changed their entire offensive game plan to RUN AWAY FROM HIM. You can’t tell me a team that does that isn’t scared of him. People can argue about that all they want but it’s the truth.

    Also loved the Bane comment because in my perfect world, Clemson would’ve been swallowed up by a sink hole during week 1 and no one would have won.

    Overall, great article. Go cocks!

    1. First, thank you for reading! Glad you enjoyed it. Writing any little bit for TRC is certainly an honor.

      I couldn’t agree more with your post, especially point 3. I’ve had USC and CU fans alike tear into him. The one positive to hearing people say he needs to be benched is that it serves as a warning beacon to others who might attempt to engage them in conversation. Clowney has an impact on the game that can’t be measured in stats.

      And seriously, if the opportunity arises tell the ranting Tiger that Georgia wasn’t as concerned about their game. I did it to a good friend of mine and he sputtered nonsense for a good twenty seconds before calling me a cyborg because I don’t understand the UGA-Clemson rivalry. If you can’t help them see reason, you can at least laugh at them.

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