So, it’s the Tar Heels to start the season?
OK, sounds good.
Don’t know anything about North Carolina’s football squad, you say?
Well, we don’t either.
To be fair, we don’t really play UNC that often. Time was we lobbied hard for an annual matchup with our northern neighbors: they had the stronger national brand, even in football, so it made sense for us. But they demurred, and we got stuck with a yearly regional pseudo-rivalry with the Pirates of East Carolina.
Now, with our brand seemingly on the rise, and theirs mired in multiple NCAA violations, it appears they want an annual game with us. A chance to bask in our reflected light, perhaps?
Obviously we should turn them down, but for this season, heck THIS WEEK, we have a game to play. And since we could all use an education on the particular brand of hurry up ACC football the other Carolina plays, we decided to do a little film study.
We broke out our trusty google box and typed in “tarheel football 2012”, and the following popped up on top:
Tarheel football highlights 2012
So let’s review the film, and feel free to press play and pause to learn along with us:
First, what is this song? It’s so, so, very ‘North Carolina,’ isn’t it?
0:01 Man they really love these cartoon cute chrome helmets, don’t they?
0:10 Still with the chrome love, or maybe the time stamp is wrong, and this is a Miley VMA Reaction Video.
0:17 Dear half-empty stadium, please cheer for us. Sincerely, Random Tarheel Player.
0:20 American Flag. OK, we will give you that one, UNC. Love us some stars and stripes.
0:24 More American Flag. Are there actual football highlights coming at some point?
0:40 Totally random sideline sprint. Guy looks fast, though.
0:46 This appears to be from an actual football game, but is mostly just crowd (albeit sparse) hugging.
0:56 A full minute in and we are finally to something that can legitimately be called a football play. But alas, it’s just a pitch sweep to the field against FCS Elon of the Southern (we think) conference. Limited analytical value.
1:09 UNC DT falls flat on his face, but still has time to stand back up and sack VTech’s Logan Thomas. This tells us a ton about Mr. Thomas, but very little about the Heels.
1:13 Back to the Elon tilt, bet this punt is gonna go for 6.
1:24 Wait, illegal block in the back, play is coming back. Did they really just try to use a nonplay as a highlight?
1:31 Miami game. Swing pass. Demonstration of the new targeting rule apparently. This would absolutely be a 15 yard penalty and an ejection this year. We will accept this in the spirit of a PSA, and move on.
1:40 Slowmo replay of the unsportsmanlike targeting of a defenseless player. Noted.
1:42 The old flea flicker against, I don’t know Wake Forest probably.
1:50 Another deep pass, down the sideline this time against Wake. Note the stands for this home conference game, which are empty.
1:53 Miami game, zone read to the boundary. Appears to be a well executed and blocked play, although that guard manages to–can we call that ‘running?’– stay in the play for a surprising amount of time.
2:02 Another punt return. I’ve only seen effort this poor in punt coverage once before.
2:17 Another zone read to the boundary side against Wake, I guess. Wake level of derpness ensues. #6 has some impressive hair.
2:24 American Flag at midfield. Geeze guys isn’t this getting to be a bit much? Wait, this might not be Wake, after all. It might be a team that is even WORSE.
2:29 A highlight. While trailing. 29-0 in the second quarter. Really, guys?
2:39 Wait, they have to play East Carolina, too? I take back all the snark, now I just feel sorry for them.