As most of you have already heard/read/screamed like a little girl about, the University of South Carolina Board of Trustees called a special meeting for Tuesday morning at 10:00 am. Per numerous media outlets, this meeting will involve an executive session (i.e. closed to public) discussion regarding a “contractual matter.”
What, you may be asking, is this innocuous-sounding “contractual matter”?
Based on our well-placed and nonexistent sources, we are confident that the meeting will almost certainly be about one of the following:
– The re-hiring of Darrin Horn. Based on the not-so-subtle jabs he’s currently taking at us (ouch and ouch!) we’ve rethought the firing and are begging him to return. Oh, and Calipari thinks he’s the right fit for the job.
– An amendment to the HBC’s contract, requiring him to wear a shirt in public. Once was funny, but the second time is like peeking at your old man in the shower. Or worse, your mother.
– The addition to campus of an actual Dave Odom Memorial Credibility Warchest, which each of our major sport’s head coaches will be required to fill. With gamecock championship banners. And soon.
– The firing of Ray Tann . . . I can’t even type it. It’s that beyond ridiculous.
– The hiring of Ray Tanner as Athletic Director. Now that came off the fingertips nice and sssmmoooottthhh.
– Approval of construction of a bronze statue outside the CLA of Gregg Marshall for his lifetime contribution to college basketball.
– Clarification of the Spur position. Is it an outside linebacker? Is it a safety? The BOT’s limited football acumen needs satisfying AAARRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!
– Deeding CTU back over to the ACC. Turns out that owning them is boring. Oh, and they smell like the low piece of the pasture, if you know what I mean.
– The reinstatement of Stephen Garcia.
– Approval of the contract that will make Frank Martin the head basketball coach at South Carolina. One second thought: naw, couldn’t be something that good.