That time of year again, where we begin to weigh out our gridiron victories (and inexplicable faceplants) and try to determine where we might be spending the first weekend of the new year (hopefully) or the last weekend of the old (againingly – yes I just invented a word).
After hours of research, repeated contacts with our sources, and references to both historical trends and BCS projections, here is how we see it shaking out for the SEC (Note, we did none of the preceding):
Allstate BCS National Championship Game:
We can’t see LSU losing to Arkansas, and we can’t see Okie State losing to the Sooners. That’s right, we can’t see either of these things, because we will 1) be at a lame dinner party the Friday night of the Battle for/of/whatever/ the Boot and 2) will be consumed with all things Clemson/Carolina the next day. As such we will stick with the safe picks and predict: LSU v. Oklahoma State.
Allstate Sugar Bowl:
Alabama v. Houston makes absolutely no sense on any level, so that’s exactly what will happen. For an added enjoyment factor, imagine Houston as the Allstate Mayhem character, and Bama as Dennis Hasbert, the Allstate spokesperson. Whichever side loses has to stop with the ads already.
Capitol One Bowl:
Look for the Arkansas Razorbacks to stumble into an inexplicable loss against some random Big Ten team – I’m going with Nebraska since they’re new and all. BONUS GRENADE: the Sports by Brooks assertion that a SEC coach is about to leave because of conflicts with his AD is true, and that coach is Bobby Petrino.
AT&T Cotton Bowl:
Everyone is predicting the Gamecocks land in this one, which means everyone is wrong . . . again. The Cotton will end up with Georgia for an offensive display of defense along with Oklahoma.
They’re gonna take Carolina, and yes I know none of us want to go back there. Heck, we didn’t want to go the last time either. And that’s why it keeps happening to us. Probably pair us with Wisconsin so we get to beat up on Russell Wilson again.
These guys are hurting this year (and are probably pulling hard for the SEC to get only one BCS slot) cause the conference is absolutely putrid from this point on out. If I had to guess, I’d go with Auburn, unless Clemson loses the ACC championship somehow, in which case the Bowl folks will try to avoid the rematch. Since by Mighty Dollar General Mandate, Clemson can’t lose anymore, I’m calling it as Auburn v. Virginia Tech
Taxslayer.com Gator Bowl:
Achievement Level Unlocked: Worst Bowl Sponsorship Name Ever. Florida is the logical choice since it’s the Gator Bowl anyway, get it? Huh? Do you? [crickets] Penn State gets the other invite to this one, and that’s all I’m gonna say about that.
Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl:
North Carolina and Tennessee: MAKE IT HAPPEN FRANKLIN AMERICAN. Oh, and put one second back on the clock so we can watch Dooley’s head explode again. WAIT, THEY PUT ONE SECOND BACK ON THE CLOCK IN THAT GAME? WHAT ABOUT IN OUR GAME WITH AUBURN??? /own head explodes
Autozone Liberty Bowl:
This is the first time the following sentence has ever been written in English or any other language: Who gets the Liberty Bowl invite if a Conference USA team gets a BCS bid? I’m gonna guess the conference runner-up and pick this as an (not) epic Southern Miss – Mississippi State matchup. No one will watch this game outside of the State of Mississippi and the City of Memphis unless it snows naked women for the entire game.
BBVA Compass Bowl:
Vandy, right? Bizarre. Maybe they will play South Florida or something. No one will notice, anyway. Oh, and WE HATE YOU, LEGION FIELD.