Return of The Comeuppance Report (aka, Who I’m Pulling Against This Week)

It’s been a while since I’ve published The Comeuppance Report, where I occasionally take time to spill my pent up anger and bitterness all over your computer/iPad/iPhone screen (God forbid you have an Android-based phone, ick.)

Maybe all this positivity from back-to-back national baseball titles or the fact that we are the favorites to repeat in the East have softened me up a little. But over the past week my anger and frustration have risen to a point where I can’t stay silent any longer.

So, without further ado, here’s who I’m pulling against this week:

Clemson Tiger University (CTU) – This seems obvious, and quite honestly CTU could make the CR every week in perpetuity, but the difference this week is the team they are playing – Auburn University.  TRC has not withheld our disdain for Auburn or how they obtained their so-called “National Championship” or for their “Heisman Trophy winner”, “Cam Newton”.  However, for one week we will pinch our noses, roll up our pants, and wade into the cesspool that is this contest, and pull for the Tigers without the lake. Maybe this will keep CTU fans from calling themselves “this year’s Auburn”, which is sickening on multiple levels.

Tribble Reese – Speaking of Clemson Tigers, this guy is one of the great tools of his generation.  I’m sorry Tbone brought him to our attention yesterday. People like Tribble (that CANNOT be his real name) are why I’m building my son a bomb shelter and stocking it with enough food to wait out the nuclear winter. 

The Naval Academy – My family and I Army people, bottom line.  When it comes to football, Navy can suck an egg, I don’t care for ‘em.  Plus, I don’t really get all the 1984 references.  Decent album, but the bottom line is Van Halen got away from their roots, and quite frankly sold out from that point on. There, I said it.

Florida State – Anyone with fans who would do things like this deserve whatever bad things come to them. I hope Oklahoma knocks them back into 2006.

Mississippi State – The SEC already has enough good teams. I want LSU to break their spirit tonight so they can slide back into the lower third of the SEC pecking order where I like them. That’s going to be a tough game for USC come October.

Nike Pro Combat – I’m not against uniform changes. Actually I think freshening the look of your unis every few years is a good idea. Not everybody can be Alabama and Penn State. But Nike is completely out of control with the Pro Combat nonsense, and now they’re dragging Under Armour down with them (see:  Maryland). Fabricating some sort of heritage or tradition to showcase your designers’ talents is overly self-serving and borderline manipulative. (So we’re a couple of weeks late on this, what do we look like, professional writers? Don’t answer that.)

University of Texas – Now that the smoke is clearing, people are starting to see who the real bad guy is in this whole conference realignment quagmire, and it ain’t Texas A&M or Baylor. We can only hope Texas gets left out in the cold when all is said and done, but that’s just wishful thinking. All the loads of Longhorn Network cash will be completely worth the university’s reputation gone to crap. Let this be a warning, Alabama, when ESPN comes knocking on your door.       

UGA  – More air time for David Bennett of Coastal Carolina can only be a good thing.

Whew! I feel renewed!