Dear Jadeveon…if you attend Clemson Tiger University…

Earlier this week I read a blog post called “Dear Jadeveon…if you attend the University of South Carolina” (h/t chuckoliver.net). It’s fair, and honest, and lays out some good reasons for Jadeveon Clowney to don the garnet & black next season.

But to the dismay of Gamecock fans everywhere, CTU has come on strong in recent days and by all accounts is in a neck and neck battle with USC for the services of the consensus top player in the country. And let’s be honest, there are a lot of great reasons for him to consider CTU, some football related and some not.

So to keep things fair, I ask the Gamecock Nation to take the blinders off for a moment and consider some of the reasons Jadeveon Clowney might just choose CTU:

• Practically unlimited, and irrisistible, orange and purple uniform combinations
• If you like to have your rear end smacked, Dabo is your man
• The thrill of playing in front of literally hundreds of fans at Cameron Indoor Wallace Wade Stadium
• ACC football tradition…what? Oh, sorry, ACC basketball tradition
• Two syllables: tractors
• Dabo has promised to punch himself in the face until unconscious strictly for your entertainment
• Speaking of Dabo, who else has a coach who also stars on “30 Rock”?

  

• That little street through the middle of town with the store that sells stuff
• The possibility of seeing a drunken Brent Musburger hitting on young co-eds at the Esso Club
• Gameday meals provided by Ernie & Jewell’s Pig Innards and Snout Grindings
• When Cletus brings his wife and sister to an autograph session, you only have to sign two autographs
• If you’re really drunk, the lack of dental services and that big clock in the middle of campus make it easy to pretend you’re in London
• Now that Brad Scott has retired he’s looking to shade some folks, if you’re interested
• Kevin Steele gets so jacked up on the sidelines that he passes out, which is AWESOME
• Cow patties make great doorstops
• Hop in a car and drive south and you can find really hot college chicks within a couple of hours
• CTU facemasks are dipped in diesel fuel to block the smell of the pastures
• That’s Danny Ford lurking in the bushes naked, no kidding
• Make all-ACC more than twice and have your jersey retired and a tool shed named after you
• You can celebrate the 1981 National Championship, and the subsequent 1982, 1983, 1984 and 1985 probations (aka “The Salad Days”)
• Every year you’ll only be 8-10 plays and 48-65 points from an ACC championship and/or BCS National Championship birth
• Even after South Carolina beats you four straight, you can still say, “YEAH, BUT LOOK AT THE ALL-TIME RECORD BAYBEE, WOOHOO!”
• Speaking of WOOHOO…Awesomest. Fight song. Ever.
• You never have to hear of the God-awful city of Omaha ever again, for it has been stricken from the record at CTU
• You get to play at the most storied college football program in the history of Pickens County

Godspeed Jadeveon, I’m glad you’re making the decision and not me.