TRC Movie Reviews, Oscar Season Edition

C.T.U 5 Star Commits

Now that we are through with football season, (and the Golden Globes), and are quickly approaching Oscar time, we here at TRC thought it might be a good idea to give you a quick review of each potential 2011 Best Picture Nominee: 

The Tourist (Sony Pictures): The nation’s consensus #1 recruit, Jadeveon Clowney, visited Cola back in November, is close with many current Carolina players, has a close relationship with Coach Johnson, and has purportedly been leaning toward the Cocks for months.  Time to commit and help us recruit?  Naw, he took a visit to Alabama, has others trips on tap for Florida State and C.T.U., and is making noise that he might hold off on signing day so he can visit elsewhere in February.

Burlesque (Sony Pictures):  Pops Frisby in his comeback role (I mean really, how old is that dude?  Gross.), and Mike Bellamy playing Mike Bellamy as a Prima Donna of a dance troupe?  No thanks.

The Kids Are All Right (Focus Features):  Hey, things are not all black and white, ok? Sometimes you’ve got to give people latitude and let them live their lives, you know?  I can’t tell you why Devin Taylor, a DE, is back in coverage, and I can’t explain why Melvin Ingram, a DT, is standing up and coming off the edge.  Broaden your mind dude, stuff like this is happening all around you all the time.  Geeze. 

Black Swan (Fox Searchlight): We’ve seen your Black Swan, Stephen.  And then we’ve seen your White.  Try to even them out a little, eh Garcia?

The Fighter (Paramont Pictures): This movie was not reviewed as Chris Culliver is no longer with the program.

Red (Summit Entertainment): No, it’s not red, it’s Garnet.  I don’t care what friggin Lou Holtz says in The Blind Side.  It’s Garnet.  Oh, and Helen Mirren is older than my mother, but is really, really hot.  I feel all weird inside.

Inception (Warner Brothers): Let me help you out with this one:  It was all a dream.  Maybe even you- right there in the theater watching the flick- are just a waking dream.  It’s not so hard to imagine, really:  The sheer apocalyptic impossibility of the ’84 Navy faceplant just adds credence to the premise.

The Social Network (Columbia Pictures):  Ok, here’s the deal:  Cecil Newton asked for $200K in cash for Cammy Cam’s sig.  Then he offered the Bizarro Dawgs a 10% discount from what he said Auburn was willing to pay.  The Bizarro Dawgs refused, so Cammy Cam signed with Auburn.  Think Cecil got a big ol’ smile on his face?

Alice in Wonderland (Walt Disney Pictures): To illustrate how far down the rabbit hole we are, we quote the HBC: “Coach Beamer has done a great job coaching special teams.  But we’ve got to find a way to get him some better players.”

The King’s Speech (The Weinstein Company):   /grins “Well, it is what it is.” /smacks gums “You saw it, didn’t you?” /finger-parts hair “Well, anyway . . “ /sucks on teeth.