TRC Exclusive: Cammy-Cam Juice Revealed!

Too Sweet

We all saw it. We all cringed.

Late in the 56-17 Auburn beatdown of the limp Gamecocks,ABC Sideline reporter Tracy Wolfson launched into a 90 second human interest story on Florida Blinn College ProfessionalAuburn Quarterback Cam Newton and his favorite beverage, “Cammy-Cam Juice.” The beverage, which Wolfson sampled and described as “too sweet for my taste” (/getsthe vapors, faints)has since become the subject of much speculation and internet punditry.

Fortunately, dear reader, we at TRCmade contact with our sources (Wikileaks’ Julian Assange, TMZ, Radaronline, and Cosmo magazine (what? – I read it for the surveys)) and can reveal, for the first time anywhere, the actual ingredients in CammyCam Juice. Get pen and paper ready, as you’re gonna need this elixir for your next backyard pickup game:

- 6 ounces of Pedialyte (until Gatorade comes through with enoughjack to make your daddy smile)

- 1 splash of Southern Comfort from a discarded paper cup at Victoryland Dog Track

- 2 tablespoons of a strong safeties’soul (Gamecock preferred, but may substitute toastedMark Barron)

– 1 cup shredded test answers from University of Florida Professor Renny Niehbur’sHumanities 101 final

- 1 teaspoon oflint from the exhaust fan of a Dell Laptop, which istotally legit,but will be thrown out the window as soon as the authorities arrive

- 1 drop of Felix Felicis, DO NOT substitute Veritas Serum

- remainingink from the pen of the CHIOthat wrote your essay project in Professor Valerie Schmook’s Introduction to Ethics class

- 1 sprinkle of fairy dust

- 1 teaspoon of Verne Lundquist’s drool

- 1 of SEC commissioner’s gonads (keep the other in your pocketfor insurance)

- $180,000.00

[The proceeding is brought to you by Edelbrock Performance-Plus Camshafts]

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