The question: Is it ever, under any circumstances, OK to pull for Clemson?
Now, fair reader, I know you know the answer to this, and I agree it is a little bit silly to put this topic in my award-winning series. However, there are those fringe “fans” who make the following arguments:
My husband/wife is a Clemson graduate, so I pull for them when we’re not playing each other. First of all, and I mean this as disrespectfully as it sounds, you are no fan and have no concept of rivalry. And if your husband/wife is telling you they are pulling for South Carolina, they are LYING, because it is not possible to have two people under one roof that are that clueless about the USC-Clemson relationship. Check credit card records, phone bills, expense reports, etc., because your black-hearted, conniving spouse is probably playing you for a chump in innumerable ways. Get out of that sham of a relationship ASAP.
I pull for Clemson because it’s good for the state. This “state pride” argument is asinine. You know what’s good for the state of South Carolina? Golf courses and hurricanes that don’t hit the state of South Carolina. You know what’s good for the Gamecocks? Clemson losing. Losing at everything. Football, basketball, baseball, field hockey. And recruiting. I want all the top recruits in the state, and if we don’t get them I want them to go to places like Michigan or Oregon State or Arizona where the chances of them hurting us are greatly reduced.
Now, this part may surprise you a little, but I don’t want Clemson to lose every game, and here’s why: having hope and losing is much more painful than having no hope and losing (who better than us to grasp that concept). For example, in football I’d like to see good run of 3-9, 4-8 type seasons out of them (losing to us every year of course). That way they would have that glimmer of hope that a turnaround is just on the horizon. I don’t know the ideal hope to pain ratio, but I think it would be somewhere in that range.
And I’ll share this with you as a bonus – the only time you should ever pull for Georgia?
When they’re playing Clemson.