The really amazing thing about this play is that Tori Gurley was not involved in some way.

How many times a day do you hear something described as ‘ironic?’

Without launching into hyperbole (another grossly misused word, witness any speech by Vice President Biden) I think I can safely say that I hear it every day.

And it’s almost always used incorrectly.  There’s even a 90’s era pop song by Alanis Morrisette called Isn’t it Ironic where the singer lists a series of unfortunate events that she repeatedly, and incorrectly, labels as ironic.

Ironic does not mean unexpected. Ironic does not mean surprising. Ironic does not mean contradictory.  Ironic does not even mean incongruous. Instead, something can rightly be described as ironic when the words or actions offered have a meaning different from what is expected, and the underlying message or situation has a profound or humorous result (whether intended or not).

Let me give an example.

This morning during my daily commute, I made the frequently unwise decision to listen to local sports radio.  As I live in the western part of Upstate South Carolina, WCCP out of Clemson is the sports radio station with the strongest signal.  That’s right, the C.T.U. propaganda station is my only local option.

This morning’s topic was the CTU-Auburn matchup.  After about 10 minutes of fascinating analysis by host Mickey Plyler (i.e. Cam Newton is a big framed guy, Auburn is only favored because it’s at home, etc.), his sidekick (whose name escapes me, but he sounds like a local [cue banjo music]) suddenly weighed in by saying “They’re ‘All In’ at Auburn now, can’t believe they stole that.” Mr. Plyler laughed in agreement, and then the commercials kicked in.

So apparently Gene Chizik is using the ‘All In’ slogan that Dabo pimped so diligently a couple of years back.  I guess I missed it, what with all the actually important football games going on, but this perceived slight is evidently a big deal in CTU world.

Here’s where the unintended irony kicks in: Everything about CTU is a cheap rip-off of someone or something else.

The mascot?  Copied from Auburn

The colors? Copied from Auburn(but with leftover jerseys where the blue had faded to purple #imcrappingyounegative)

The fight song? Copied from LSU

The stadium nickname?  Again, copied from LSU.

Howard’s Rock?  A leftover doorstop.

The head coach? A recycled real estate agent.

So the WCCP cats were calling someone else a rip off when they are completely copied themselves.

Isn’t it ironic?

Be happy, folks, be very happy.  It’s probable you last felt this optimistic on that beautiful fall afternoon of November 12, 2005.  South Carolina had just beaten Florida for our fifth straight SEC victory.  The future of the program looked brighter than ever.  The possibilities were endless.

Oh, sure, there have been moments since then, some glimmers.  But the 7-5 glimmers that we hoped would turn into 10-2 eye-searing sunbursts have never materialized under Steve Spurrier.  Those end of the season swoons doomed us.  Those horrific bowl games.  The corner never got turned.        

But now…

This week I’ve read words I’ve never seen applied to us this early in an SEC season.  Or at any point in any SEC season for that matter.  Words like contender and frontrunner.  Atlanta and December have been used in the same sentence.  We have been called a “complete” team.  We have a true freshman on Heisman watch lists who has been compared to Walker, Jackson, Smith and Peterson.  We have talented veterans and talented youngsters and depth.  So far we are even good on (gasp!) special teams.

I love the attention, I really do.  And I love the fact that I think we have a really good team for the first time under Spurrier.  I knew we were going to beat Georgia.  And I know we’re going to beat Furman the way the 13^th ranked team in the country is supposed to beat Furman. 

I’m having fun.  But still, I worry.

I worry that Marcus Lattimore carried the ball 37 times in his second college game ever.  I worry that he’s averaging 4.6 yards per carry instead of 6.4 yards per carry.  I worry that people are comparing him to Walker, Jackson, Smith and Peterson.  I worry that the offensive line wasn’t as good on Saturday as everyone is giving them credit for.  I worry that UGA’s 3-4 defense is just plain bad against the run.  I worry that we’re not getting pressure on the quarterback, and that we haven’t forced a bushel full of turnovers yet.  Most of all I’m worried about the three A’s:

Auburn, Alabama and Arkansas. 

Two of those teams we think are pretty good.  One we know is very good.

We’re a better team than Auburn, but we play them at Jordan Hare at night.  We’re not a better team than Alabama, but we play them at home.  We’re a better team than Arkansas, but what year are we not, yet we still lose to them too often.

Throw in Kentucky on the road and a Florida team that will right the ship (trust me), and that’s one heck of a minefield we have to negotiate. 

The first two weeks of the season couldn’t have been scripted any better.  I’ve seen similar scripts the past five years, but this one is definitely different.  I don’t believe the swoon will come this year. 

But still, I worry.

As you are about to find out, the views and/or opinions of one contributor to this blog are not necessarily the views and/or opinions of the other contributors to this blog.

With that out of the way, and I think I speak for 2/3 of our contributing body, I couldn’t give two deuces about Furman University, and I hope our football team humiliates them on a grand scale Saturday night. 

With all due respect to T-bone, a fine blogger and a fine American, the fact that he first read Faulkner (really? You didn’t read Faulkner until college?), decided to camp his way to California (yawn) and finally kissed a girl at Furman U (Senior year) has no bearing on my desire to have them beaten into oblivion this weekend.  With a fair amount of embellishment, his experience sounds like it would make a great Jon Krakauer novel, but this is about football.

So in response to his “27-24 would make me happy” post, here’s the how the South Carolina-Furman game could play out to make me happy:

1^st Quarter – C. Culliver returns the opening kickoff for a touchdown.  Finally.  Furman goes 3-and-out.  Spurrier throws the ball exclusively on the first series just to prove he/we can, scoring in a scant minute and twelve seconds.  Rinse and repeat a couple of times and it’s 28-0. 

2^nd Quarter – Defense continues to dominate, while we pound the ball on offense with #21.  He goes over 100 yards with two more TD’s and takes the rest of the night off along with Garcia.  With the score 42-0 at the half, SOS seeks out Bobby Lamb to shake his hand and let him know he’s going to stay in the locker room to watch the second half of Auburn-Clemson.  Got to start game planning.

3^rd Quarter – Shaw takes over at QB and mixes in a few passes along with the running of Miles and Giles to steadily move the ball down the field.  Shaw tosses a short TD to Cunningham to make the score 49-0.  Andrew Clifford later hits a long one to Demario Bennett and the score at the end of the third quarter is 56-0.  F.U. still has double digits in total offense.

4^th Quarter – Third- and fourth-teamers are now in the game.  Spurrier calls from the locker room to tell the coaches to let Seth Strickland throw a TD pass because “we’ve never had four QB’s throw a TD pass at South Carolina in the same game.”  Strickland does, and the final is 63-0. 

Postgame – Spurrier, looking about 40 years old and with a slight grin on his face, takes questions about running up the score.  “Maybe next time Furman will think twice about taking that paycheck,” he says.  “Heck, them boys at Georgia didn’t even get a paycheck, think about how bad they must feel.” 

How sweet would that be? 

Oh shut up, I can dream can’t I…

I remember when I read about this game three years ago in the The Greenville News.  My first reaction was “cccoooooollll”, but upon further reflection I realized it was a no-win proposition. 

You see, I graduated from Furman University.  And then I went on to get a graduate degree from USC.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve hated C.T.U since their Charlie Pell Semi-Pro Days, and my first strong memory of college sports was watching (and instantly loving) Big George on a Sunday morning telecast of The Jim Carlen Show.  My feelings for Carolina are strong, deep, and go back a long ways.

But how I feel about Furman is different.  Furman is the first place that ever made me feel dumb, and the first place I ever debated a teacher and won.  It’s the first place I read William Faulkner, and the place where I discovered Henry Miller.  It was the first time I ever lived on my own, and the place where I dreamed up and then executed a scheme to camp all the way to California.  It was where I first learned how to pick up girls and where I lost my -woah, [cough] ’bout to get too personal there.

Regardless, I love Furman.  And I won’t ever be able to pull against my alma mater.

But this might be (dear Chicken-Curse-in-Exile, I said might be) a special year at Carolina, and so I can’t pull for a JMU/Vtech style upset of my Gamecocks.

And it’s not like the game is a given.  Furman has a history of playing the big boys tough.  A couple of victories over NC State, a beatdown of a Georgia Tech squad, and a hard-fought victory over the Gamecocks during Richard Bell’s lone season as head coach are all modern-era examples.  Ask the Tar Heels about playing Furman for an even more recent example.   I fondly remember sitting in the dorm room as a third year student and listening to the radio broadcast as the Paladins dropped a close  contest against the Florida Gators and their first year head coach, some guy named Spurrier.

So I’ve played this game out in my head several different ways, and I think the following is the only thing that will make me happy:

1st Quarter – South Carolina runs two methodical drives down the field, and takes a 14-0 lead.  Furman picks up a couple of first downs, and kicks a long field goal to make it 14-3.

2nd Quarter – Connor Shaw engineers a drive that ends in a field goal.  Johnson starts sitting 1st stringers.  Furman drives the field against the 2nd string and scores to make it 17-10 at the half.

3rd Quarter – Garcia plays the first series, throws TD pass to Jeffrey.  Shaw engineers another drive that ends in a field goal. SC 27 FU 10 at end of quarter.

4th quarter – Spurrier begins mass substitution with walk-ons, etc.  Furman scores two late touchdowns (one on a 50 yard  out-and up against Carolina’s 4th string cornerback).

Final Score South Carolina 27 Furman 24.  Respectable showing by the Paladins, but the Gamecocks can leave the field knowing their first units weren’t touched.  Absolutely no injuries by either team.

This outcome might hurt us in the polls slightly (and that might be a good thing) but it keeps all the 2010 goals on the table for Carolina and lets Furman hold its head high as well.

Probably Outcome?  No. 

But it sure would make this dual-degree holder happy.

 

Not Garcia to Lattimore, although that was dandy.  Instead this exchange during the 2nd quarter of today’s radio broadcast:

Todd Ellis:  Lattimore trying to OWN Williams Brice Stadium!

Tommy Suggs:  With running like that, I’d give him the place for free . . . but that’s illegal.

Todd Ellis: So I’ve heard!

so much depends
upon

coach miles’
hat

pulled low over
his eyebrows

and absolutely
empty.

Tbone says:  USC 27, UGa 16.  Tough one to pick.  Most of the logical factors point to a Gamecock victory:  Their top playmaker is out, we return a ton of starters, they are breaking in a new defense, we’re at home, their QB has zero quality experience, etc.  With that said, the history of this rivalry is so full of bizarre kicks to USC’s gut, that muscle memory cramps up my stomach just for thinking that way.  Look for Richt to call a conservative contest with a lot of runs and short passes; not because of Redshirt Frosh QB Murray, but because that is how Mark rolls.  The Gamecock runstoppers will need to play tough.  Look for Carolina to struggle on offense from time to time as we adjust to the angles of defensive attack.  In the end, however, I think USC pulls away after halftime adjustments [CRAMP] and survives [CRAMP] a late Dawg rally.  [Whew].

Buck says:  USC 26, UGA 21.  I’m highly annoyed with a large percentage of my co-workers and have a perpetual pit in my stomach.  Must be Georgia week.  I agree with a lot of what Tbone says.  Without their primary vertical threat, I see Bobo dialing up a lot of slants, screens and dump-offs to keep Murray comfortable and compliment a pretty stout running game.  The UGA fullbacks and tight ends worry me the most, because they have two quality guys at each position, and I’m not sure we have the linebacker play to keep them in check.  First and second down when the ‘Dogs have the ball will be the key to the game.  We need to keep them in third-and-long situations to have a chance.  As far as the UGA defense, I have no idea.  If not for one busted play, they keep LaLa in double digits for total yardage last week.   But then again, it was LaLa.  We have more weapons than we’ve had in a long time, and I think the playbook will be wide open.  Look for a balanced attack with significant offensive contributions from about five or six guys.  We hold them off late for the win, and are halfway to an undefeated showdown on the Plains.

G-Man says:  USC 24 UGA 23.  I hate this game.  All I can think about is Harold Greene and Andrew Pinnock fumbling inside the five yard line to lose games against these jackwagons.  How about another Quincy Carter repeat?  That was one sweet victory.  Don’t know if we could be so fortunate again as to have one guy make that many boneheaded mistakes against us.  As for the game…I expect another contest that goes down to the wire.  Expect UGA to blitz Garcia on every play.  We will  need quick decisions from the QB to win.  For us, expect a strategy built around short passes to the wideouts.  I hope we can run the ball but expect us to pass to set up the run.  Methinks EJ held something back and will dial up some surprises for Mr. Murray.  I share Buck’s concern that our LB’s are not up to handling their RB’s and TE’s.  Need Cliff Matthews to come up big with pressure and need a solid game from the D-Line.  Have to win the return game as it killed us last year.  I’m predicting one explosive play from the Cocks in this area.  With the veterans we have and this being a home game, I’m predicting Lanning wins it for us late with a dagger field goal.