Guest Post: In the Company of Idiots, or, How to Deal With Clemson Fans
Friend of the blog Layla will be periodically joining us this season with her unique perspective on the Gamecocks. Here is her first installment of 2013. (Although her journalistic credibility takes a hit when she calls us “gentlemen”.)
Before recording their Week 1 podcast, the gentlemen of TRC (put that on a t-shirt) took to social media to probe the minds of their “fans,” looking to discuss those hot-button issues on everyone’s mind.
If you tuned in, you’ll remember a question posed by a dynamic go-getter regarding dealing with those “a-hole” fans of that school in the upstate. If you didn’t tune in, go check it out. I’ll wait.
It’s been a concern for those of us that have the misfortune of forced interactions with Clemson fans, whether it’s at work, church, or ordering at your favorite lunch place. I don’t want to hear about your three-point “domination” over Georgia, I just want to know if I can substitute for a side salad. Get your life together.
Prior to the opening weekend, a few of those Clemson fans I work with asked which team I’d be pulling for; turns out they didn’t appreciate “Bane” as an answer. (C’mon, we’re all thinking it.) In all seriousness, it was hard to root for either team. But it was just too hard to support Clemson, knowing the next work week would be miserable. And it was.
Their fan base is already plagued with delusions of grandeur, and now, having two SEC victories in a row has only served to inflate that ego to dangerous levels. Not dangerous for them, mind you, but for me; though I suppose that also pose some danger to them. I don’t know that I can survive the rest of the season constantly hearing these people go on and on about how they should be in the SEC and that this is going to be their year and wahwah wah wahwahwah wah wah…
After our 41-30 loss to Georgia this weekend, I knew this week would be even more frustrating.
However, I couldn’t fathom just how difficult it would be until a coworker greeted me Monday morning with “Hey, loser.” From there it was a steady, downward spiral of nonsensical taunting, as it dawned on me that these people have no idea what they’re talking about. Do you know how aggravating it is to listen to people blather on when they can’t grasp the importance of play-calling?
We all deal with such trials in different ways. When faced with scenarios like this, I find laughter really is the best medicine. It’s either that or copious amounts of beer, but since this is primarily a work issue that’s not really an option until 5:30. So, here are some fun ways you can not only avoid their mindless prattle, but even have some fun with them!
- They’re SEC killers? Well, they have beaten two SEC teams in a row. Just politely remind them why that’s not three in a row.
- They love what Dabo’s been doing in the upstate? Me too! I especially love what he’s done in Columbia. Lose, in case that’s unclear for them.
- I’d like to know when a three-point win became domination. (Be careful with this, as they’re likely to throw 63-17 into the discussion.)
- Chances are you won’t need to say anything because they won’t stop talking anyway. Just let them drone on and go about your business. I managed to get up and pour another cup of coffee while “listening” to someone’s assessment of the game. This is especially easy if the speaker is pretentious enough to close their eyes when they talk.
- Learn this line: Georgia cared more about beating us than Clemson, and prepared for it. You don’t even need to believe this, but it’s been my experience that this will get them foaming at the mouth. At this point, let them continue sputtering out the shade of a complete thought and go get another cup of coffee.
- Sometimes, I like to slowly raise my hand and hold up four fingers. If they keep talking, I’ll start twitching my thumb. This really only works if they’ve heard “Fear the Thumb” before.
Now, this doesn’t guarantee silence. Actually, silence is unlikely. Blind rage is probably what you’re going to get, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hilarious. So sit back, have a laugh, and grab a drink. The season is far from over.