A Response to “Furman Week – Please, No”

As you are about to find out, the views and/or opinions of one contributor to this blog are not necessarily the views and/or opinions of the other contributors to this blog.

With that out of the way, and I think I speak for 2/3 of our contributing body, I couldn’t give two deuces about Furman University, and I hope our football team humiliates them on a grand scale Saturday night. 

With all due respect to T-bone, a fine blogger and a fine American, the fact that he first read Faulkner (really? You didn’t read Faulkner until college?), decided to camp his way to California (yawn) and finally kissed a girl at Furman U (Senior year) has no bearing on my desire to have them beaten into oblivion this weekend.  With a fair amount of embellishment, his experience sounds like it would make a great Jon Krakauer novel, but this is about football.

So in response to his “27-24 would make me happy” post, here’s the how the South Carolina-Furman game could play out to make me happy:

1st Quarter – C. Culliver returns the opening kickoff for a touchdown.  Finally.  Furman goes 3-and-out.  Spurrier throws the ball exclusively on the first series just to prove he/we can, scoring in a scant minute and twelve seconds.  Rinse and repeat a couple of times and it’s 28-0. 

2nd Quarter – Defense continues to dominate, while we pound the ball on offense with #21.  He goes over 100 yards with two more TD’s and takes the rest of the night off along with Garcia.  With the score 42-0 at the half, SOS seeks out Bobby Lamb to shake his hand and let him know he’s going to stay in the locker room to watch the second half of Auburn-Clemson.  Got to start game planning.

3rd Quarter – Shaw takes over at QB and mixes in a few passes along with the running of Miles and Giles to steadily move the ball down the field.  Shaw tosses a short TD to Cunningham to make the score 49-0.  Andrew Clifford later hits a long one to Demario Bennett and the score at the end of the third quarter is 56-0.  F.U. still has double digits in total offense.

4th Quarter – Third- and fourth-teamers are now in the game.  Spurrier calls from the locker room to tell the coaches to let Seth Strickland throw a TD pass because “we’ve never had four QB’s throw a TD pass at South Carolina in the same game.”  Strickland does, and the final is 63-0. 

Postgame – Spurrier, looking about 40 years old and with a slight grin on his face, takes questions about running up the score.  “Maybe next time Furman will think twice about taking that paycheck,” he says.  “Heck, them boys at Georgia didn’t even get a paycheck, think about how bad they must feel.” 

How sweet would that be? 

Oh shut up, I can dream can’t I…

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About buck

A writer whose facts may not always be correct, but whose opinions based on those facts are.

Posted on September 14, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. You wound me, Buck. You wound me.

  2. Well said Buck. My sentiments exactly.

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