The Comeuppance Report; or, Who I’m Pulling Against This Week

Since there is already a column out there called This Week in Schadenfreude, I am relegated to calling this column the much more pedestrian The Comeuppance Report; or, Who Im Pulling Against this Week.

After week one, here are just a few choices

Georgia an obvious selection, I know. I hate them and their smuggery so much. But make no mistake, Georgia hates us back in a big way. They always say their rival tank is full, with the likes of Florida, Tennessee, Auburn and Georgia Tech on the schedule. They just dont have time to hate us, but thanks for asking (pat on the head, run along and play now). They want us to be Kentucky or Vanderbilt so bad they cant stand it. But we just wont oblige. While they beat us more often than not, its always a nail biter, and losses to us are much more crushing to them than they let on. A deep-seated hatred for South Carolina bubbles just below the surface of every Georgia fan. Lets hope this year we can break their spirits again.

I hereby dub thee "Summer Breeze"

Jamie Harper and Andre Ellington The backfield duo of CTUhave announced to the world they want to be known as New Storm. Yeah, and I want to be known as Sergeant Badass Chickmagnet Superman, but it aint gonna happen. As the saying goes, if you have to give yourself a nickname, then its not really a nickname. And if you ask for that nickname after rushing for 100 yards each against NORTH FREAKIN TEXAS (best known for their courageous performance against the guards in The Longest Yard), then the NCAA should be investigating you for narcissism-enhancing drugs.

Cam Newton Simply because I dont want him to be that good (and I dont think he is: see Texas, North). The Auburn fans I work and play with have come out of the woodwork like cockroaches when the kitchen lights have been turned off and a month-old loaf of bread has been scattered across the floor. One guy actually danced in my office this morning out of giddiness. Danced. In my office. Turn on the lights Dan Mullen, turn on the lights.

North Carolina News flash, YOU LOST. Stop throwing around the words courage and spirit and determination, and mix in the words blew it. You took LSU and The Hat down to the wire. In the SEC we call that Saturday. Get over yourselves.

Tulane (who is hosting Ole Miss) Weve all had a good laugh, now its time to move on. You know you thought what if that happened to us? You know you did. And how did it feel? Horrifying, right? Now lets leave the Ackbars alone and let them regain some of their dignity.

Brent Musburger – if you listened to last night’s Boise State-Virginia Tech game, this requiresno explanation whatsoever.

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About buck

A writer whose facts may not always be correct, but whose opinions based on those facts are.

Posted on September 7, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off.

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